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Lack of planning? Lack of communication?

CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
in Blended Families

The CO with my XH says that he is to have the kiddos for 2 weeks, the first 2 weeks the kids are out of school. Every Summer XH tries to plan their trip for longer than the 2 weeks, or tries to put off the visit for nearly a month after they?re out of school. XH routinely puts off planning their flights until the last possible second, which is incredibly frustrating.

Back in February, my husband and I were planning a trip with all the kids to go to a beach house for Father?s Day weekend. Before we booked anything, I emailed my XH and asked him if he was planning to fly the kids out the weekend they?re out of school. He said no, because the airfare is much more expensive on the weekend. So my husband and I booked the trip. In March I gave my XH the heads up that based on his response of not flying the kids on the weekend, we were going to take a mini trip, and he responded saying he would fly the kids out Monday (18th) or Tuesday (19th).

Last night I booked my own flight for OH, and based on XH prior statements I booked my flight to leave Wednesday (20th). This morning I asked my XH if he had booked the flights for the kids yet and he said he hadn?t even started looking. I let him know that since he had previously stated he would be flying the kids on the 18th or 19th, I booked my own flight for Wednesday the 20th. Suddenly he?s angry and says I?m dictating when his visitation will begin. Wait, what? Isn?t him previously telling me that he?s flying them on the 18th or 19th him telling me his plan?

Maybe I?m completely wrong, but I feel like he?s had ample time to book their flights, and he specifically told me the days he was planning to fly the kids out. I made plans based upon his statements.  I had already cleared the time off of work for my trip, and specifically planned my trip for while the kiddos should be with their father.  Am I being unreasonable?

 

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Re: Lack of planning? Lack of communication?

  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    Nope, not unreasonable.  It's not your problem that he isn't actively planning his visitation. 

    Make a backup plan in case he flakes, but I think you should just go ahead and let him be mad.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imageFutureMrsWittig:

    Nope, not unreasonable.  It's not your problem that he isn't actively planning his visitation. 

    Make a backup plan in case he flakes, but I think you should just go ahead and let him be mad.

    The bolded was actually my response to my XH.  The current schedule has been the standing CO for 4 years.  It's not as though he doesn't know when he gets the kids. 

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    Now repeat after me "I'm sorry you feel that way".  Rinse and repeat no matter what he says about this from here on out.
    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imageFutureMrsWittig:
    Now repeat after me "I'm sorry you feel that way".  Rinse and repeat no matter what he says about this from here on out.

    Oh I'm the Queen of, "I'm really sorry you feel that way".  It infuriates my XH though Stick out tongue

    Thank you so much for your input.  It's hard sometimes to take a step back and figure out if I'm being unreasonable.

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  • odearodear
    Do  you have his statement that we will fly the kids out on the 18th or 19th in an email?  I would totally forward email to him and simply point out what you were going on.  You aren't dictating anything.
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  • juliettoddjuliettodd
    imagetifanico:

    Yeah, you gave him plenty of notice and he fails to make the arrangements in advance so if things don't go his way, he will have to deal with it.  

    In our case, BF is the one that wants to plan everything in advance and Im more like last minute stuff. I know that if BF tells me some dates and I agree to them, I am stuck with that even if the flight prices are high.  

    I agree with PPs. 

    Off topic: Tifanico - love your new siggy pic.  What a cutie pie!

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imageodear:
    Do  you have his statement that we will fly the kids out on the 18th or 19th in an email?  I would totally forward email to him and simply point out what you were going on.  You aren't dictating anything.

    Yup.  I learned long ago to do everything in writing.  I took a screen shot of a couple of his texts and emailed them to him along with his emails he previously sent regarding dates.  But of course, he's saying those dates were "guidelines" not definite. 

    As far as I'm concerned at this point, he can either comply with his earlier statements or he can choose to not have his visitation this Summer.  If the kids leave any later than what the CO specifies then my daughter misses cheer camp and my son misses the beginning of football.  Unfortunately they can't really miss those activities because that puts them behind in their required certification hours for when season starts.

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