January 2011 Moms
SweetHurricane
member
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WWYD
SweetHurricane
member
If your DC gets pregnant or gets someone pregnant at 16, how will you react (other than being mad, lol)?
For a girl: Will you help them? Kick them out? Force an abortion/adoption?
For a boy: Will you make them pay the baby momma? Would you take in the baby momma if her parents kick her out?
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Re: WWYD
I want to throw up thinking about it. For my DD, I would never force or recommend an abortion or an adoption, thats just the way I am. I would do everything in my power to help, within reason. She will still need to be responsible for her actions though.
If I had a son, I would hope he would pay, and I would encourage him to do so. I would most likely take in the mother of his child if she had no where to go.
But....Whitney and Cooper arn't dating until they are finished with college at 22. So, I guess Rosie and I really don't even have to worry about this.
If your DC gets pregnant or gets someone pregnant at 16, how will you react (other than being mad, lol)?
For a girl: Will you help them? Kick them out? Force an abortion/adoption? I don't have a daughter so I will probably never face this unless someone leaves a baby girl on my front steps for me. A lot would depend on the circumstances but I would help her do things to better herself if she kept the baby - make sure she had childcare to attend school,etc. Too bad, so sad on the social life. I could not force an abortion - adoption could be a possibility.
For a boy: Will you make them pay the baby momma? Would you take in the baby momma if her parents kick her out? Once again a lot would depend on the circumstances. Justin was 10 or 11 when the Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy happened which I took as a great opportunity to discuss the male's responsibility in the pregnancy and baby-raising. He knows he would be expected to work to help pay the baby's expenses and would be expected to help take care of the baby. I could see myself taking in the baby momma if her parents kicked her out. I think Justin has the fear of a baby in him from knowing I got knocked-up on birth control and he has seen what having a baby has done to us.
Unfortunately society glamorizes teen moms too much. At a local high school girls bring their babies with them to pep rallies all done up in school colors, little mascots painted on their faces, etc. There is no daycare on site at the school so they should have no reason to have the baby there.
For E, DH said he could live with her getting an abortion but not encourage it but she damn sure is not giving the baby up for adoption. He said he could never see his blood being given to strangers. I'm not sure how I feel about abortion, I personally could never have one so I'm not sure how I would feel if she wanted one. If she had the baby then we would do everything we could to help her and support her but it would not be a free ride. She would still have to go to school and take care of the baby and work on weekends so weeknights are free for baby and homework. We would not kick her out. In our eyes all kicking her out would do is make the situation worse and we couldn't put our daughter and grandchild in that kind of situation.
For B, we would encourage him to try to make things work with the mother and whether or not it works out to always stay involved in the baby's life. He would also be working to help support the baby financially. I don't see us not taking in the baby momma if she got kicked out. It would still be our grandchild she's carrying. However, we would want her to follow our rules like she were our own since she would be living in our home.
This is exactly what we would do. Thanks for typing it for me
I can't really say until i'm really in that situation. Things change when you are faced with it head on.
They'll be flipping burgers so we won't have to worry about college
What a relief! It was going to take away from my beer money!
I'd have a really hard time supporting Emily or Aiden's GF in getting an abortion, as in, very against it.
Honestly I think I would strongly encourage adoption. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to watch someone else take and raise my grandchild, but being a 16 yo parent is not what I have envisioned for my kids. And maybe this is super selfish, but I don't envision myself as a 50 year old grandparent raising my grandchild while their parent tries to get through college/find a career. There are too many loving families out there far more capable of raising a baby than my 16 yo kid.
If they were adamant about keeping the baby I would of course support them and take in baby's mom if need be. I don't think disowning or abandoning anyone would do anything but make the situation much worse. But it would not be anything close to resembling a free ride for the parents of my grandchild.
I really hope none of this is an issue with my kids. They will be very educated about safe sex practices whether they like it or not. I won't have any problem at all getting my daughter on the pill or buying my son condoms if I know they will be having sex no matter how strongly I discourage it.
My mom was so naive about all that, or at least in very strong denial. She wasn't doing me or my sister's any favors, and the fact that we've all made it out of college and into our mid-twenties without getting accidently pregnant is a damn miracle. I won't be turning a blind eye (even though I have one
to what my kids are doing while they're under my roof.
I have very strong beliefs on this issue...my mom was 3 months shy of her 16th birthday when I was born. My dad was never in my life until I went and found him when I was 26. My mom dropped out of high school because they would not let her stay there pregnant and when she tried to go back my Nanny had to tell her to stop going because she could not take care of me and my disabled aunt who was 3 at the time. Soon after my mom got her own apartment, worked super hard to provide for me (my mom's parents did what they could but they had 4 of their own children, and as I said my aunt was severely disabled and that was a difficult situation), and was the best mom she could be. I'll never know how she gave up her whole life and enabled me to have the life I have/had. My dad and his family did NOTHING.
I always said I would never make the same mistake as my mom. I was top of my class, destined to go to college, but when she asked me if I wanted to go on the pill my senior year of high school I said no. We were so close but I couldn't bring myself to admit I was sexually active. And then it happened to me. I, however, was too selfish to give up my hopes and dreams of going to college and having a life that my mom couldn't have and chose not to follow through with the pg. For me, it was an easy decision - but one that I think about often. I think for her, the decision to have me was an easy one too.
For a girl: I will help them to make the best decision for their own life and the life of the child. I would never force an adoption or abortion or birth. Even at 16, I think one is capable of making an informed decision to deal with the situation with family support. I would never kick them out. I will, however, force contraception on my child if I have the slightest inkling that there is hanky panky going on.
For a boy: I will NEVER let them be the dead beat dad I had. NEVER. I would be inclined to allow them to live with us for a bit as long as I were able to help but there would be major responsibilities involved - finish high school, get a job, go to college part-time if they are college material.
I hope I didn't change any of your opinions about me. This is quite personal to post on TB.
I actually think you're really brave for telling us your story. I can't judge you, because I've never been in your position. I thought about it often when I was sexually active in college, what I would do if I got pregnant? You just don't know until you're put in that situation.
Wow Lynny - thank you for sharing such a personal story. Not judging here. Your mom sounds amazing! (It makes me feel pathetic for ever getting stressed.)
I also don't really feel like it's so easy to decide what I would do. And in the end, I think it has to be mostly up to the 16-year-old who ultimately has to live with the consequences more than the (grand)parent does. I just really hope we'll be able to teach our kids to be extra careful and hopefully they won't end up having to make these tough decisions.
Thanks for making me feel ok with sharing this ladies!