If you ever put your pet to sleep, a question

JillAly · April 2012

I had to put my cat to sleep this morning. I'm handling it fairly ok because in the last month, I've watched her quickly deteriorate. The vet said she had cancer, was severely dehydrated and was having renal failure (yeah- that one I figured out in the last week from tons of pee around my house). I know she was in pain so it was the right thing - and she was 19 so she had a long life. My husband is definitely having a harder time than me and he only knew her the last few years!

But I have a few questions because I wasn't sure what people generally did

1) were you there when they put the pet to sleep?

2) did you bury your pet or let the vet handle it?

3) Did you cremate your pet or bury?

4) Most importantly, what did you tell your kids?

I couldn't go - I just couldn't watch it - but my husband decided he wanted to go. My vet recommended letting her cremate my cat and let them "dispose" of her because I live in a wooded area and there are deer and other animals around. She said otherwise we had to dig 6 ft down and bury rocks on top of her. I couldn't handle the whole subject matter and just nodded and let her do it. Now I"m second guessing myself and feel terrible about it.

I just told my son that the cat went to where old cats need to go when they get really sick. He didn't ask any follow up questions so I'm leaving it alone for now but if he asks if she died, I don't know how to handle it. So any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!

choco_lab · April 2012

I just went through this with my dog. It's horrible. To answer your questions... 1) DH was with the vet at the moment he passed. I left right before the shot. I was 9 mo pregnant and a wreck. The vet came to our house. 2/3) The vet took him and we had him cremated. We got the box with the ashes back about a week later. We still have the ashes. I don't know when I will be ready to part with them but we might spread them in the ocean. It sounds dumb but I'm comforted by having that box. 4) I read a lot on what to say to DS. We told him "choco lab's body was broken and he died. He can't come back to be with us. We will miss him very much and it's ok for all of us to be sad." I read not to say he went to heaven (why can't we go to heaven to get him back?) or he was sick since we all get sick too. We used the proper words. Honestly it was harder on us. DS will bring up the dog out of the blue but not in a sad way. I'm sorry for your loss. If you really want the ashes you might have time if you call now.

KayJayDee · April 2012

I am so sorry. . It is so hard to lose a pet, especially when they've been a part of you life for so long. When my cat died we had him cremated, but they gave us the option of having it done with other animals or separately. We opted for separately and then we received his ashes in a very nice wooden box. We ended up keeping the ashes in the box, but could have buried them if we wished. If it's an option, maybe you could call them and see. That way you could have a burial and say goodbye, but not have to worry about the logistics of a 6' hole.

Again, I'm so sorry. Hope you have lots of happy memories to call on at his time.

JillAly · April 2012

choco_lab:
I just went through this with my dog. It's horrible. To answer your questions... 1) DH was with the vet at the moment he passed. I left right before the shot. I was 9 mo pregnant and a wreck. The vet came to our house. 2/3) The vet took him and we had him cremated. We got the box with the ashes back about a week later. We still have the ashes. I don't know when I will be ready to part with them but we might spread them in the ocean. It sounds dumb but I'm comforted by having that box. 4) I read a lot on what to say to DS. We told him "choco lab's body was broken and he died. He can't come back to be with us. We will miss him very much and it's ok for all of us to be sad." I read not to say he went to heaven (why can't we go to heaven to get him back?) or he was sick since we all get sick too. We used the proper words. Honestly it was harder on us. DS will bring up the dog out of the blue but not in a sad way. I'm sorry for your loss. If you really want the ashes you might have time if you call now.

I'm sorry for your loss too. I like how you said "broken" vs. sick. I think that will help because I felt weird saying sick - for exactly the reason you said- we all get sick. I think that will help a lot.

I called the vet and unfortunately, it was already done so I can't get her ashes- but in a weird way, I'm strangely comforted by the fact that she wasn't alone (they did 2 other animals). I feel she had company. So even if I don't have her ashes, I feel a little better about it.

ALY1981 · April 2012

So terribly sorry

KYRN · April 2012

I put my golden retriever down about 3 years ago. I was in the room, DH couldn't do it so he waited in the car. I just couldn't leave him alone. He was huge, much larger than the breed standard, DH said he couldn't stand the thought of digging a giant hole in the ground with the dog laying there wrapped in a sheet so we paid for cremation. In hs we put our family lab down, my dad and brother went and brought her back and buried her in the yard.

I'm very sorry for your loss. There was really no choice for us either, one morning he couldn't walk and weighed a hundred pounds.

Ktwo09 · April 2012

1) were you there when they put the pet to sleep? Yes, I just pet him until he went to sleep. He had been my kitty from the time I was 11 until I was 28, I couldn't let him do it alone.

2) did you bury your pet or let the vet handle it? My Dad buried him (he was the family cat). Our other cat that we didn't have for so long, we let the vet take care of.

3) Did you cremate your pet or bury? We buried ours, but my aunt had hers cremated. I didn't want to cremate my cat, but it didn't really weird me out or anything that she did. I guess it would weird me out depending on what you did with the ashes? Like, a shrine with candles = a little weird, a tasteful urn of a beloved family pet = okay by me.

4) Most importantly, what did you tell your kids? Sorry, but we didn't have kids at the time so I have no advice on this.

Dragonfly1226 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. We had to put our family cat to sleep when I was 22. I was the only one from the family who could make it to be there so I was there alone. I held him while they did it. It was very quick. We let them handle everything afterwards. It still makes me sad remembering it now. (((((hugehugs)))))

June0609 · April 2012

JillAly:
1) were you there when they put the pet to sleep? I was there. DH didn't think that I would want to be there being pregnant and all at the time, but I just couldn't let my dog face it without me there. He's been with me since he was a puppy, before I met DH.

2) did you bury your pet or let the vet handle it? The vet

3) Did you cremate your pet or bury? Cremated and I still have his ashes. I want to scatter his ashes on the beach one of these days.

4) Most importantly, what did you tell your kids? It was before DS

I'm sorry you had to go through it, losing a pet is very very hard. Just believe that you've done everything you can and that your cat had a good life because of you.

dusk42 · April 2012

I'm so sorry.

Planting memorial trees or flowering shrubs is always comforting to me. You did the right thing in easing her passing, but I am sure it is very difficult.

dulcinea03 · April 2012

I haven't had to yet, but my parents just put their dog down after 11 years yesterday. I'm so sorry for your loss.

To answer your questions, they were with her until the end. The vet is cremating her, then they will get the urn. They're undecided what they will do with her ashes at this point, whether they'll bury them, spread them, or keep them somewhere else.

If you're regretting signing away the ashes, you could probably call the vet and ask for them as I doubt they've done anything with them yet. Otherwise a memory tree or bush is a great idea.

My girls are a little young to understand, but my nieces (6, 4, and 3) are being told that she's gone to heaven where she doesn't hurt anymore, and can play the way she used to.

MBandBud · April 2012

So very sorry for your loss. I think you do what you are comfortable with. I had to have 2 of my dogs put down w/in 3 months of each other. We had the vet come to us. We were both here. It was very sad but peaceful - no more pain. Best gift you can give your pet. We did bury - but it will be hard to leave the house if we move now. I was okay with cremating; DH was not, and I was fine with bury. Honestly, the more life goes on the more I realize how much the physical body is just a 'container' for the soul. I am not surprised you rethought things - I rethought everything in the weeks after. It was very hard, but in time you will remember the good memories and not worry about these details. Hang in there and big hugs. Sorry to hear about your DH also; I was very surprised the amount of emotion DH let out when we put our dogs down - they were mine coming into the relationship but very much ours by the time we had to put them down.

I am sorry I don't have any advice regarding informing kids. It sounds like you received some great advice here though. The Nest - Pets is also a good forum if you want to pop over there.

Hang in there - one day at a time.

UsedToBeGoldie · April 2012

i'm so sorry- it's such a hard thing to do.

my dog hated the vet office so we found a vet taht would come to our home and euthanize. It was actually quite a beautiful experience... he went so peacefully in my lap laying in our back yard.

We brought him to the vet to be creamated - and then sprinkled his ashes in our garden, and got a stone made with his name and years and paw print to keep in the garden.

it was before we had kids.

kgs0505 · April 2012

We had to put ny 15 yo cat down in december. It was hard, but like you, we saw a severe deterioration. My husband and I went together and we both stayed with her. We both cried. We chose a private cremation and got her ashes back. Malachi was too young to get it, so we didn't have to tell him anything. But being straight and using the word died and can't see him anymore is probably something you should consider. You don't want them to think he'll come back.

DrVWife · April 2012

I am so sorry.

DeputiesWife · April 2012

I am so very sorry. It is never easy.

1. no, we werent there. We took her to the Humane Society.

2 and 3.. We let them handle it.

4. Our daughter was with us, we said goodbye all together, and they took her back. It is something that is engraved in my mind forever. DD knew Emma wasnt well and she was going to Heaven. I tell her yes, she is gone but we will see her again someday. Every now and again she asks what happened to her and how she wasnt feeling well and how much she misses her.

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