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twinkl5379
member
Need advice...Non-BF but my brother's situation is really bad.
twinkl5379
member
You all probably remember that my brother has 4 kids with his wife who is very crazy. They fight ALL THE TIME; she is abusive to my brother, and my brother has had it.
2 wks ago she threw a full bottle of lotion at his face and was hitting him in the head w/something (not sure what). This was in front of the 5 year old. He was asleep & she came home from work and did this to him. He called my parents; they went over there and got him. They did not call the police but I'm not sure why.
My grandmother had passed away 2 days prior to this so I went in town, and witnessed her craziness. She was harassing my mom on the phone and came to their house, started fighting w/my mom THE DAY OF MY GRANDMA'S VISITATION. I immedately called 911. Police came but did not file a report. A lot of threats and craziness over the past wk. My mom will not speak to her, of course. And my brother is basically hiding from her as well. Later that day she dropped the 4 kids off at the door and drove away. We just took them to the vistiation even though it really detracted watching a 4 and 2 year old.
Yesterday she told my brother she was going to drop the 3 youngest kids off at my mom's house even though my mom had to leave for work and my bro. wasn't there. My bro warned my mom she was coming, so my mom left. She drove up as my mom was leaving. SHE LEFT THE 3 KIDS IN THE YARD AND DROVE AWAY. LEFT THE 2 Y/O NAKED; 4 y/o autistic child and a 5 y/o. 3 neighbors witnessed this all and came and got the kids. They said she was beating on the doors, windows, etc., going crazy. My mom had already left so did not realize she was leaving them and driving away.
My dad went to the police station to report this incident, told them about all the craziness, but they said that my brother would have to report her. My brother said he would next week b/c he wants her to work this wknd (she only works wknds and is a nurse). Police told my dad the judge would likely have her mentally evaluated. But why the hell didn't they do something then?
She's also driving on a suspended license and my dad told them this too. She came to get money from my dad (my bro.keeps all their money in his account but he is avoiding her); dad said she drove her car into MY BROTHER"S CAR w/ the 5 y/o in the car with her. It's just crazy. I told my mom to get a restraining order on her asap. And my bro. needs to too. But i'm worried about these kids. And I know it's almost impossible for the courts to take kids from a mom, right?
Any advice on what my family should do? I have no idea why my brother is being so slow about this? He did to go put a restraining order on her while I was in town. But then he didn't go through with it. It's really crazy.
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Re: Need advice...Non-BF but my brother's situation is really bad.
Maybe they aren't doing anything because your brother isn't pursuing formal charges?
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Your brother need to take the kids from her & leave. They aren't taking them seriously because it seem so nonchalant & not imidiate. How would it seem if you walked into the police station, made a report you were getting beat, and then said "But I don't want to file a report until next week." At that point they could very well be thinking you are making it up, ya know. I really hope for the sake of those children he mans up & does what is needed to keep them all safe.
I agree that he needs to do this and be done. She has physically attacked him for a while. Another time he left and went to my parents. She entered the house about 2 am (she had a key, which she likely stole from him) and started hitting him in the head. He did not contact the police.
Part of the reason he is hesitant to contact them is b/c when police have been contacted in the past, they don't believe him and think he is the problem simply b/c he's male.
Example - in the past she was harrassing him so he got in his car to leave. She chased him so he was speeding to get away. She stayed right behind him. He got pulled over, clearly she was following him. They had my bro. in the cop car about to arrest him when another cop pulled up - RECOGNIZED HER FOR DRIVING CRAZY, GETTING PULLED OVER in the past and being a smart a$$ while my brother was telling her to stop acting that way in front of the cop. He told the cop to let my bro. go, which he did.
I'm calling big fat BS on a bunch of this.
And i don't believe this either. Stealing medications (especially narcotics) is a MAJOR deal. the nursing board wouldn't just fluff it off. I don't believe your brother actually reported her otherwise something would've come of it.
didn't want to copy&paste but I COMPLETELY agree with Jessys_girl.
for your brothers sake, call CPS on the mom. ASAP. If your brother isn't willing to get his crap together and actually file things properly, its his fault no one is taking him seriously.
This is an awful situation and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with it but as a bystander there ARE things you can do. Have the neighbors who witnessed BM drop off the kids in the yard call CPS as well. the more reports they have on her the better.
seems like your bro isn't going to jump into action. shove him for the sake of his kids. stand up for those poor children.
I have never been in this situation, but from what I've read, without a court order, he has much right to those as she does. He needs to take the kids and file for a temporary, or would it be emergency, order for custody.
I would think that leaving the kids with her would make I more likely she would get the kids. If I were a judge, I'd wonder how it could be so bad if he left the kids with her.
This isn't something you can keep within the family anymore. The authorities need to be brought in for this to be handled properly.
Wow, have you shown what an evil b!tich you are. My family, including myself, have gone to the police 3 times in the last week and they've done NOTHING, which is why I'm asking what the hell can we do. see my repsonses above.
Again, why would I lie? And this is another example of my bro. trying to do something. It got him nowhere. I know it should be a crime, and she should lose her nursing license, BUT IT DIDN"T HAPPEN.
I know...that's what's amazing about it. And that's why he's hesitant that they won't believe him.
Thanks, Mary. I know it is amazing that they won't take this seriously. There was another incident where they were fighing in the car, she was driving wreckless; she got pulled over. The cop said someone's going to jail, and my bro. stepped up and went to jail so she didn't have to. So now that's on his record and she's clean.
We've known she's crazy, but now that he's really serious and hasn't gone back to her, she's going nuts.
I talked to him today and suggested that he get the neighbor who is a young guy to go file the report and see if that has more legs b/c it's not just them retailating against each other.
Well, ladies, if DH and I ever have a fourth, and he keeps all our money from me in his own account, this is pretty much the post you can expect to read from my SIL.
Twink, sorry for the joke, but this is too much madness, on many accounts. Crazy thrives where it can, and it sounds like it's got a toe-hold in here. Someone in some agency will start paying attention, but I don't think your SIL is going to be the only one going down. It sounds like there's been a lot wrong for a while, and your BIL has been letting it happen or is part of the craziness.
One thing is very, very clear. He needs to take some positive action other than leaving all four children with his wife and then HIDING from her, since that ends up with his kids naked and alone in someone's yard. Why the hell did he leave the kids with your SIL if everyone is telling the police that she's dangerous???
I'm just going to respond to the things you said in response to my post....and I swear to all that is Holy if you call me a b!tch one more time I will lose my sh!t. I never once called you a name or said anything negative about you. I said my peice that I don't believe your story (because I don't believe that there is as much honest and truthful full force reporting going on as you say there is.). I can understand the cops ignoring reports once or twice, but after three calls in a week and several incidents prior to that (you claim), the police would be taking note of SOMETHING.
But I digress:
And please, tell me why it was necessary to swear at me, call me a b, call me a dumb-a, etc?
you asked what you and your family can do. I TOLD you.: Call. CPS. Immediately. Report. That. She. Has. Endangered. The. Children.
Period. And if they don't listen, call again. and again. and again. every single time she does something dangerous to/with them.
Oh, and one more thing you can do: You can stop cussing me out and calling me names and grow up and see that the drama you live in is created because you and those around you refuse to do anything to move out of it.
Twink, I am not discounting your Brother's situation. I do recognize that it is harder for a man to get people to believe that he is being battered. I do believe that your brother and family have had issues with the authorities over this...
But I also believe that the issues you are having are directly caused by his and your family's actions or inactions.
First and foremost, most your nieces and nephews! One good study noted that women with childre will stay in abusive relationships until they are capable of supporting them - emotionally and financially (this is important as to why they stay in the first place). They RARELY EVER leave their children behind - EVER.
Your brother left his children with his abuser, which means that he left them with AN abuser. There are a handful of different actions he could have (and should have) done to protect his children...to PUT THEM FIRST:
***This incident really bothers me. Even though your brother knew his EX was heading over to unload the kids on his mom, he told his mother to leave...which she did. Right?
So how did your mother then find out five minutes later (your exact words) that the kids were at her house, one being naked, unsupervised? At the very least her spidey sense told her something was wrong, so why didnt she immediately call the police THEN?
But if she was told to go back, was it the EX or neighbor who gave her heads up? If it was a neighbor, why wasnt your BROTHER - the FATHER OF THE CHILDREN - draging this neighbor to the police station to file a complaint?
Why werent pictures taken? Why wasnt CPS IMMEDIATELY called?
These are ALL immediate common sense actions people take when it comes to protecting children.
I sympathize, I do...but given how your family has reacted to this situation (seriously, you left your scared, confused, autistic nephew with a neighbor he probably did not know - at the least well enough to care for him during this trying time - to go to a funeral?) I really understand your views on your step-children and husband better.
I hope that your nieces and nephews get the help that they need.
I can't seem to wrap my head around this. And why is your family allowing the SIL to keep the kids if she is doing things like dropping them off in the front yard? I hope someone starts thinking about these poor kids.
I do not know why the neighbors didn't call child protective services or the police (I've told my bro. to get one of them to report it). Actually, I don't know if they did or not??? But if they did, nothing has happened to my knowledge.
My dad went to the police after this incident. No one expected that she would do this to her children. She's always been a b!tch, but it's more intense now that my bro. has left.
I think the reason my bro. has not done anything more than he has is probably for the same reason that a lot of people stay in abusive situations for years and years. He's been married to her for 10 years. It's been bad for them for a long time, so I think that one loses a sense of reality and doesn't realize how bad it is. He will tell you today that he loves her, but she's crazy. Over the years he has researched and tried different things to get her help, but nothing has worked - including calling the nursing board. I guess he's finally realizing he can't change her.
Illume - I don't know exactly what my dad told the police when he went there after she left the kids. He said he told them everything. I was floored that they didn't do anything. None of us knew to call CPS, we thought the police. It's not everyday you run into sitiuations like this.
My mom came back and found the kids there b/c she just went around the corner and was watching for sister-n-law to leave. But she was at a distance and did not see the kids outside; I guess the neighbors had already grabed the kids by the time my mom got to her location; otherwise, she would've come back immidately. And when she came back, she got the kids and took them to their other grandparent's house so she could go to work.
As I stated, my dad went to the police after she left the kids. The police did nothing but said my bro. needed to file the report, which I don't understand why b/c my bro. wasn't even there.
This is why I came to this board and you all have suggested to contact CPS, which I will tell them to do. I think my bro. is not moving forward b/c he doesn't want her to go to jail (this came from his mouth). Again, I think he doesn't have a real sense of reality after being with a person like this for over 10 years. I think this is a common reaction for people in these situations.
Jessy'sGirl - I apologize for saying ugly things to you. I just read your post and felt like it was attacking my family. My bro. is far from perfect, but there's still no excuse for the physical and verbal abuse she's put him through for a long time. And then she keeps harrasing my parents too.
My mom has babysat these kids weekly for 10 years (oldest is 10) without ever being paid a dime. She loves those kids, and she is a saint to do all that she does for them. I don't think you should question why we left the 2 with a neighbor for a funeral. The kids know the next-door neighbor and my family knows her well. Very sweet woman in her 60's who we've known for well over 20 years. My dad is crazy about the kids as well. In fact, he takes the 2 oldest to school in the morning before he goes to work on a regular basis.
Yes, it is sad that both a neice and stepson of mine have autism. However, SS functions pretty much like normal after INTENSE therapy for 5 years. My niece is 4 and does not talk nor is she even close to being potty trained. But she is very happy, which is atypical of autistic kids. Her therapist said it's probably b/c she has 3 bros. and sisters.
I can see you thought but I cannot see a police officer not filing a report and CPS if they received a call stating that a mother dipped her kids off at a house wih no one home and a 2yo was naked.
I have thought befor that Twink's post were bS at times and now I am joint the group that says BS and that if by chance this is true, they are all BSC.
I wasn't questioning why you left the kids with a neighbor during the funeral (i have no issue with that, funerals are difficult times and I can understand that), I was pointing out your wording of saying that your brother/family had to "watch" the kids that day. I was saying that since they are your brother's kids he is not "watching" them, he is having parenting time with them.
I wasn't questioning your mother either (okay, maybe a little, but not in the sense of "attacking" her). I was simply saying that I don't understand her (and your entire family's) reactions to this woman's completely insane behavior. I don't understand why everyone is so busy playing "run away" and "hide" from this woman that they can't understand or see that these CHILDREN (one of whom is autistic and this must be VERY difficult for her to go through her mother's irratic behavior) don't have anywhere to "run away" or "hide" to.
I get that your brother has been abused and that he is finaly realizing that his life with her was unstable and he needed to get out. BUT WHY DIDN"T HE TAKE THE CHILDREN WITH HIM? And why hasn't he taken every chance he can in the last week or more to get those children? When he had them in his custody (the day of the funeral, or any of the times they've been to visit during this time) why did he return them to her?
If he and or your family truly believes that this woman is endangering these children by:
1) Using drugs (prescription drugs).
2) Using her vehicle to DRIVE INTO another vehicle out of anger, with her child in the car.
3) Leaving them on the front lawn of a home where to her knowledge no one was home.
4) Leaving one of them NAKED on that front lawn.
If your family and your brother have witnessed these things and truly believe this woman to be unstable, WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE ABUSE YOUR BROTHER HAS GONE THROUGH? WHY IN GOD'S NAME IS THIS GROWN MAN WHO HAS LEFT HIS WIFE, NOT CONCERNED ABOUT TAKING HIS CHILDREN OUT OF THAT DANGEROUS HOME?
Okay, i'm sorry for the caps, I got a little frustrated and worked up. But Twink, c'mon. I question their judgement because their judgement is poor.
Set aside the cops being idiots, ok cops can be idiots, fine, I'll conceed to that one.
Set aside calling CPS, you claim no one in your family knew to call CPS, i can conceed that i guess.
But what about physically taking the children out of harms way? What about not returning them to her because you/your brother/your family know that she is unstable?
I'll give this as an example and then I need to quit: If my child and I were playing with a dog, and the dog was aggressive, mean, biting, etc, and i got bit. I would not run away from the dog and leave my child sitting there with it. I would pick my child up and remove BOTH of us from that situation. Even if I couldn't get animal control, or the dog's owner or anyone else to care about the dog's behavior. I still wouldn't leave my child in harm's way.
HIGH FIVE, JESSYS!!! I totally agree with you!
Yeah, I want this nurse taking care of me.
Your brother is showing all the signs of a battered spouse. Someone in your family needs to wake his ass up and have him press charges against her, regardless of whether or not the police believe him, they have to take the report.
Furthermore, I can't impress upon you enough how important it is to get those kids away from her. You will never forgive yourselves if something happens to those kids. Case in point, my cousin's babies are no longer with us because his crazy BM decided to leave them alone ALL night, and left a burner on the stove. She came home to the house engulfed in flames. Your SIL is using, and has already shown abusive tendencies towards your brother, believe me when I say those kids are next, if she hasn't already.