Dad wants to take baby to sitter on days off

ljstandafer04 · April 2012

Please let me know if I am out of line..

DH is off every other Monday because he works Monday through Saturday. His first day off since I have gone back to work is tomorrow. He says he is taking LO to the sitter. I asked why and he said he wants days off to himself. If he had something he had to do or was sick, I would understand. I have a 6 yo SS and most of the time before he was in kindergarten, from the time he was 11 mos (when I met him) up til he started school, he kept him on his days off. He said they could go do things and not be stuck sitting on the couch all day like he would be with her. Am I crazy for thinking this is unfair and wrong? SS wasn't always grown up enough to go do fun things with. I guess I just feel like if I had a day off during the week I'd love nothing more than to spend it with her. Not to mention, he thought I did nothing all day and had it easy while I was on maternity leave- so if it was so easy- why can't he do it 2 days a month? I don't get days to myself and wouldn't be taking her to the sitter while off unless I had something I had to get done or I was sick..

ChrMoo · April 2012

You're not out of line, I'd be pissed too! A day off to yourself to do what? He should be bonding with his DD!! Tell him hell no! You don't get days off from being a parent bond with your DD so she'll have healthy relationships as an adult. Sorry if that was too harsh but my DH annoyed the crap out of me today and I'm heated about men and them being so selfish sometimes and totally clueless about it. I agree with you 100%!!!

ljstandafer04 · April 2012

No I am pissed too! I just thought maybe I was crazy. Granted we are paying for it but he says he just wants a day to relax. When do I get those?! But honestly unless I had something to do I would want to be with her. He's never had to keep her all day only a few hours here & there. And the fact that I'm sure all summer when SS is out of school he will leave her at the sitters and they will go run around. Yes she isn't old enough to go to the park or putt putt but she still matters just as much and she is your daughter.

ASmallWonder · April 2012

I think it's ok, no, NECESSARY, to have days to yourself every once in a while. I've had a few days off of work where DS has still gone to daycare. But it's not ok for him to think all his days off work are also days off from the rest of his life. Having a son already it seems he should know there's really no such thing as a day off from parenting but taking some hours to recharge occasionally is ok.

ljstandafer04 · April 2012

Oh no I think he means every day off. Not to mention I think she has a cold & isn't feeling too hot

ASmallWonder · April 2012

ljstandafer04:
Oh no I think he means every day off. Not to mention I think she has a cold & isn't feeling too hot

Yeah well that would get a big hell no from me. Not that this is AT ALL the point but if that's how he thinks things should go, when does he think you are ever going to get a "day off" never mind a day off every week!

mben1119 · April 2012

If DH or I have a day off, sometimes we take him to day care. It is necessary to have a break sometimes. Relax, clean the house, run errands that you can't do with a 5 month old in tow...I think you're overreacting.

ljstandafer04 · April 2012

I am saying every day he has off (every other Monday) not occasionally. He seems to plan to take her on his days off. But mark my word when SS is on summer vacation he will get him on his days off.

Thinkerbelle80 · April 2012

That's awful. what a ridiculous waste of money. Just tell him flat out no. Unless he has to go to the dentist or somewhere he can't take her, he does not need a sitter. Seriously that is soo ridiculous.

silvercamaro77 · April 2012

Looks like I'm the oddball but I think I'd be okay with it. Mostly because I think it's better to keep with Lo's routine rather than goof it up every other Monday especially since you probably have to pay the sitter for the whole week regardless of how many days you actually use her. I get wanting him to want to be with LO on his days off, but you sound a little resentful that he can have a day off while you don't have days off. Maybe you can find a way to have the occasional day or few hours off yourself? Periodic breaks can make both of you better parents even if you want to still be with LO.

karleegirl · April 2012

silvercamaro77:
Looks like I'm the oddball but I think I'd be okay with it. Mostly because I think it's better to keep with Lo's routine rather than goof it up every other Monday especially since you probably have to pay the sitter for the whole week regardless of how many days you actually use her. I get wanting him to want to be with LO on his days off, but you sound a little resentful that he can have a day off while you don't have days off. Maybe you can find a way to have the occasional day or few hours off yourself? Periodic breaks can make both of you better parents even if you want to still be with LO.

This!

BigIsland07 · April 2012

karleegirl:
silvercamaro77:
Looks like I'm the oddball but I think I'd be okay with it. Mostly because I think it's better to keep with Lo's routine rather than goof it up every other Monday especially since you probably have to pay the sitter for the whole week regardless of how many days you actually use her. I get wanting him to want to be with LO on his days off, but you sound a little resentful that he can have a day off while you don't have days off. Maybe you can find a way to have the occasional day or few hours off yourself? Periodic breaks can make both of you better parents even if you want to still be with LO.
This!

Yes Yes Life is much less stressful when you get time to yourself -- regularly. Plus, I know with my DS1, the routine was great. He's nearly three now, and I still keep him in daycare most days I have off from work. He LOVES daycare.

RaeJ004 · April 2012

ljstandafer04:
I asked why and he said he wants days off to himself.

....then he shouldn't have had a kid.

Sparks in training! · April 2012

I think men are just wired differently. I personally would be PISSED! I agree with your view- Sitter if sick or errands but NOT to just have down time.

In my opinion, i think it sucks. How sad that he does not want that time to just sit in awe with lo. But you cant force it, he will become resentful.

The 1st two weeks our DS was home, DH was so preoccupied finishing his projects and for me ...missed out on some bonding time. But after watching him all last week while I was back at work, he bonded so much with DS and went from thinking like you DH to more like us.

SO THERE IS HOPE! I hope he snaps out of it ASAP.

ljstandafer04 · April 2012

I guess for the sake of routine it would make sense- except for she is 7 weeks and doesn't have a "routine" per se..

Maybe I am resentful that I don't have a day off- but honestly if I were off a day during the week I would want to spend it with her because I miss her when I work all week & only see her in the evening a few hours. I guess if it was an occasional "I want a day to myself" but it seems that he plans to take her every day off- plans or not. I guess bonding is less important than laying his lazy butt on the couch. Oh well.. She will be old enough to realize what is going on in a matter of years & can form her opinion accordingly.

Wiscisbliss · April 2012

I will be working 4 day weeks for the next 10 weeks. I plan on bringing DS to daycare on my day off. We pay for it whether he goes or not.

He'll get dropped off in the morning, then I will go to the gym, grocery store (or other errand) and then pick him up by noon. It will be nice to have time to myself and be able to get some things done.

ljstandafer04 · April 2012

I totally agree if he had something to do- cut the grass, laundry, shopping, appointment- anything, that it would be acceptable to take her to get this done. But to take her for the sake of laying on the couch & watching TV uninterrupted? It just burns me up! I guess I'm a mom and maybe I feel differently about her.. Maybe that's it.

Mayfaerie88 · April 2012

If the baby were older I could see doing it on occasion, but at 7 wks, I would be a little upset. My husband is off every Monday and has no choice but to be home with her because we can't afford daycare or a sitter (I work PT in the afternoons). But I am fortunate that my DH has never wanted to take her to one. He is still in awe of her at 11 wks old and enjoys his daddy/daughter time with her! He gets his time to do stuff on Saturdays, his other day off, and I get to spend my bonding time with her then. We are also 1st parents over 40 and maybe that's why we don't have as much of an issue.

I hope everything works out for you and try not to stress too much!!

wychets · April 2012

mabenner1:
If DH or I have a day off, sometimes we take him to day care. It is necessary to have a break sometimes. Relax, clean the house, run errands that you can't do with a 5 month old in tow...I think you're overreacting.

This. Not that big of a deal to me. Now if she is sick and he is home I would leave her with him. But I totally understand needing a day to yourself. Besides we have to pay even if she does not go.

ljstandafer04 · April 2012

Thanks all for your feedback. I guess I won't push the issue unless it becomes a habit. I also think I need to be able to take time for myself too after responses- so he will have to help with making that happen

macchiatto · April 2012

wychets:
mabenner1:
If DH or I have a day off, sometimes we take him to day care. It is necessary to have a break sometimes. Relax, clean the house, run errands that you can't do with a 5 month old in tow...I think you're overreacting.

This. Not that big of a deal to me. Now if she is sick and he is home I would leave her with him. But I totally understand needing a day to yourself. Besides we have to pay even if she does not go.

I agree with all of this. But I would also try to arrange it so you get time off, too, like if once every other week he wants to watch her for a day (or even a morning or evening or something if you're more comfortable with a shorter period of time).

amber31288 · April 2012

ljstandafer04:
Please let me know if I am out of line..

DH is off every other Monday because he works Monday through Saturday. His first day off since I have gone back to work is tomorrow. He says he is taking LO to the sitter. I asked why and he said he wants days off to himself. If he had something he had to do or was sick, I would understand. I have a 6 yo SS and most of the time before he was in kindergarten, from the time he was 11 mos (when I met him) up til he started school, he kept him on his days off. He said they could go do things and not be stuck sitting on the couch all day like he would be with her. Am I crazy for thinking this is unfair and wrong? SS wasn't always grown up enough to go do fun things with. I guess I just feel like if I had a day off during the week I'd love nothing more than to spend it with her. Not to mention, he thought I did nothing all day and had it easy while I was on maternity leave- so if it was so easy- why can't he do it 2 days a month? I don't get days to myself and wouldn't be taking her to the sitter while off unless I had something I had to get done or I was sick..

if it bothers you, i wouldnt back down just because other people on this board think its okay. you don't want to resent your husband or your SS unintentionally because you're jealous or bothered by the way your DH spends time with him. so, i would bring it up and stick to your guns. this whole situation would bother me as well. i would lose it if my husband was going to take DD to the sitter when he is fully capable of being home with her. i know it is a major life change to have a baby and have no time to yourself for awhile, but that is what we all signed up for here. i think my DH struggled with that concept for a little bit at first too, but he's accepted it now. maybe it is harder for men to do.

either way, youre right. you wont ever get a day off. maybe a few hours for each of you would be good for your relationship & relationship with LO, but a whole day on each of his days off is NOT necessary. he does need that time to bond with his baby. take an hour or two and thats it.

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