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June 2012 Moms
peachmuffins
member
Question before i start getting cranky....
peachmuffins
member
When someone is hoasting a baby shower and sends people invites is it ok for them to bring their kids without asking? Tne invites only have the women's names on them.... Not their DH's names... not their children's names. So why do they show up with their children without asking the hostess if its ok when they RSVP or if their babysitter plans fall through at the last minute. Im wondering if there is some sort of grey area on etiquitte here and if you dont say "please no children" on the invite then people just assume children are ok? And its not like the shower invites were sent out at the last minute... Everyone had 2 months notice.
It was really frustrating b/c at my shower 2 people (who we know had alternate child care available) brought their kids anyways and proceeded not to really watch them and some of my big presents got partially opened while we were eating in the other room... Which was of course hugely frustrating to the gift givers. I wasnt mad at the kids because they were 3 + 4... Its not like they were being malicious.
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Re: Question before i start getting cranky....
My SIL decided to host me a family shower for LO. She knew someone was going to bring their small or teenage children with them. So she put on the invitation, "Due to space restraints, no children under 16 unless they are small infants." We had a max capacity of 50. So she had to. People still called and said they had babysitting issues and she told them no, because it wouldn't be fair to the others that did. It may seem rude, but you have to do what you have to do.
I see what you're saying though. Kids are kids, but at an event as such, it's really not for them.
This is my area too.
Although I did have someone ask if they can bring their infant. I told her absolutely.
I am sorry that they were disruptive at your shower.
It's rude to bring people who aren't invited to a party without checking with the hostess, no matter what their ages are or where you live. And if their names aren't on the invite, they're not invited. It's also rude to put "no children" on an invite; it calls attention to who isn't invited, which is not appropriate.
Whether or not children *should* be invited is an entirely different discussion. Some people like it, in some places it's common, in other cases it's not what the hostess wants or can't be accommodated. But that doesn't change the fact that only people who are invited should attend (unless the hostess gives permission otherwise in advance) and only people whose names are on the invite are invited,
DS#1- 7/2002
DS#2- 6/2004
DS#3- 9/2007
I'm from New England and all the baby showers I've been to (5 now), people have brought their children. I don't find it rude at all unless you specify that no kids are allowed.
The fact that they didn't watch their own kids though it quite rude and is a big pet peeve of mine. I bet they would have been offended too if someone stepped in to parent their kids.
I'm on your side, OP. I don't particularly want other people's children opening my gifts or causing a ruckus so that all the attention is diverted to them. In my opinion it is perfectly acceptable to expect that the attention be on you during your own shower, especially during games and gift opening.
I was at a shower once where people showed up with with uninvited kids who preceded to: open the gifts while no one was looking, help themselves to the dessert buffet (dipping fingers in the whipped cream and chocolate fountian, double dipping, taking one bite of a cookie and then putting it back), and scream when they were unable to participate in the games because they were too little. It was horrible.
However- it is really difficult not to be rude when telling people they can't bring their kids. I wouldn't put it on the invite, but handle it on a case by case basis. When someone calls to RSVP that might be the time to mention that it is adult only- or you could mention it in a conversation about your shower: "I hope you don't mind that it is adult only- my (hostess) is planning some cool (games/activities/etc) and I really want my guests to be able to enjoy themselves. Plus the (site where your shower is) is not really kid friendly." Or something like that.
Or- if it can't be avoided- hire a babysitter to come to your shower with "kid-kits", (games, coloring books, little gifts and snacks) and arrange a spot where the kids can hunker down and have a good time away from the adults. I did this for my wedding- I bought cheapie lunch boxes and filled them with little toys and snacks and had one of my teenage students sit at their table with them. Worked out really well.
Me too. I would expect to see kids at any baby shower, but maybe it's a regional thing?
I would never assume anyone is invited. If I am unsure I would ask and then respect the hostess' wishes and reply accordingly.There could be any number of reasons for their decisions to allow or not allow, to invite or not invite S/O, families or kids to any event. We had 1 kid at my Shower b/c she is my first cousin and the only one that is a "kid". I also already had 60+ adults there, that count would have more than doubled if the hostesses allowed kids and the venue would not have liked it.
I did actually have a mother ask if she could bring her 1 yo and from what I heard, she was told that they would prefer and appreciate it if she would not, since other invitees were not granted the same and to not offend those. And she brought her anyway, the hostesses were not happy, other mothers ended up wondering/asking why they couldn't bring theirs. So exactly what they wanted to avoid happened.
DD - Lucia Alessandra 6/18/12 ~~~ Welcoming Baby Boy!! - 3/26/14
We ran into this with a party. Due to guest list size I did not invite children so I was talking to DH?s friend?s wife who without thinking said I asked insert name about getting a sitter and he said I don?t care if he is not invited I am brining him anyway and she will have to get over it. I got so mad that I said well he does not have to come and should consider himself not invited. I then calmed down and said I think it is rude to assume you can bring your child when he was not invited and I think you should find a sitter but I doubt your DH would have wanted you to say that to me so forget we had this conversation.