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Attachment Parenting
to sleep train or not?
I'm just wondering if anyone decided not to sleep train for bedtime and how it worked out for you? My Lo is 4 months old, sleeps in a RnP in our room and is bf. She goes to bed at 6:30 and falls asleep well. She wakes every 2 - 3 hours to nurse and wants to get up at 5.However, she will sleep for another hour or two in her swing. Have any of you not sleep trained? Let your LO decide when they were ready to STTN and/or transition to their crib/own bedroom? How did it work out for you? She does not seem ready to be in her crib yet, and still prefers to take her naps on me. Also, I am not comfortable with letting her CIO. TIA
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Re: to sleep train or not?
I could have written this almost word-for-word! My LO just turned four months. I was dreading the day, because back when she was tiny and awake at all hours, I'd promised my SO that we could start sleep training when she turned four months. Of course he remembered, but I've learned so much since then - about AP, about sleep training, etc. etc. Plus we all get enough sleep (especially him, since there's no need for him to ever get up with her). So when he mentioned it, I told him I didn't think it was a good idea right now...maybe when she's six-months-old
She's almost STTN now - she only wakes up around 3am and 6am - so if we get down to once a night, then I figure it might be time for the crib.
As it is, I've definitely noticed how much harder it is to feed her with her being so curious about everything else going on while she's eating. So as long as she's filling up at night, I'm okay with her sleeping right by us.
I would suggest reading a non-CIO sleep book, like "No Cry Sleep Solution" at this point. You don't have to do hardcore Ferberizing or nothing. You can get some ideas for encouraging more sleep and start moving things in that direction as you feel comfortable (or desperate). Don't do anything if you are happy with how things are. If your family is functioning and everyone is getting enough sleep, it doesn't matter how it's happening. Let it happen. If you find you're not functioning and things aren't happy, then it's time to change things.
Four months is a good time to start some good habits, like a bedtime routine, even if you continue to cosleep. DS took naps on me until 6 or 7 months (in the carrier), but also took some in the car or the stroller. He was never a swing man, but we tried a few times. Do what works.
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We never sleep trained. Never really needed to consider it because she's a good sleeper. She was in a co-sleeper next to our bed until about 5.5 months, then in our bed til about 13 months, and now she's in her own room on a mattress on the floor so I can still bedshare with her if either of us wants or needs it. When we bedshared she woke up a LOT, which is pretty typical for bedsharing babies, especially those whose moms work (I went back FT right around the time she moved from the co sleeper into our bed). However, she'd wake up, nurse, and go right back to sleep so it did not cause any sleep deprivation for anyone. These days, she goes to sleep around 9, and sleeps until anywhere between 2 and 8. If it's middle of the night, I go into her room, nurse her, and spend the rest of the night bedsharing. Works perfectly for us, I love our setup. There were times when I did worry that maybe I should sleep train her, and there are some issues because she will not stay asleep if you lay her down in a crib, and when my IL's watch her twice a week, she still naps on them because of this
I would second a PP's suggestion to check out The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I personally never read it, but many of the moms in my mom's group have and had success with the techniques.
I never pushed either one of my kids to sleep train and don't regret it. At 2 and 1 they both STTN. It took my oldest a bit longer to get the whole sttn thing, but he caught on eventually. He's a great sleeper now.
The sleepless nights don't last forever. I think the majority of kids learn to do it in their own time and don't need to be trained. In severe cases I think it's necessary for everyone involved, but otherwise I would wait it out IMO. That doesn't mean you can't read some books and get advice on how to improve sleep. There's tons of no-cry option if CIO isn't for you.
I'd give it another few months and see where she's at then. Likely you'll see improvement on her own.
DS has always been a terrible sleeper. I tried some modified Ferber twice (at around 7 months, and a year), and it was horrible. I couldn't take it, even though I tried telling myself it was for the best. Both times things got better briefly, but didn't last long and I couldn't bring myself to make him cry for weeks.
At a year old, DS was still waking every flipping hour to nurse and it was exhausting. Once I really accepted the idea of cosleeping though, that helped a lot. Getting him to gently fall asleep on his own helped too (NCSS methods). For me, since I knew I couldn't bring myself to do any sort of CIO, I just accepted that he would learn in his own time. And he did - mostly. By 15 months, he was sleeping longer stretches, especially in the evening (typically about 8pm-12am). That first stretch was always in his own bed. After he woke, I'd go lay down with him, and he'd nurse on and off the rest of the night. Things drastically improved when I night weaned. I'm not finished night weaning, but he now doesn't wake up until 2:30 or later unless something is off. We are still working on pushing that back a little more and getting him to stop asking to nurse at that time, but he'll get it eventually.
Good luck! Even AP parents resort to sleep training, so if it is something you need to do for your sanity, go for it, but make sure to research and read first. There are a lot of methods, and you might try the gentle ones first, especially since your LO is still pretty young. NCSS has really great suggestions for starting those good habits. I also really recommend a good, fun, relaxing bedtime routine. DS now asks us to go to bed. We do a bath, then brush teeth, give kisses to daddy, new diaper (with a game putting it on), lotion massage (with more games like the little piggies), a book or two, lights out, mommy milk, then goodnights to all his stuffed animals, then sleep. It's nice having a fun routine that we both look forward to, and even though it sounds long, it doesn't take more than 20 minutes plus the bath time which varies. Anyway, it really takes the stress out of bedtime.
I don' t think we need to train babies because they aren't doing anything they shouldn't be doing. Infants under a year are waking during the night because they need something. Sleeping close by is a great way to meet her needs while still getting as much sleep as possible right now.