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Success after IF
preheatedoven
member
Having a hard time RE: DH's demanding job, moving to new city
preheatedoven
member
Sorry, this might get long:(
To make a long story short, when the kids were little DH got fired from his job and ended up being a SAHD for more than a year. It caused a lot of stress on our marriage and we were in counseling for awhile. He's since changed careers and landed a new job. I quit my job, we moved across the state and now I'm home with the kids.
The new career is in law enforcement, and I guess I never anticipated how little we would see him. Add being in a new city without a single person to depend on, and I am having a hard time. I ended up in tears yesterday that we can't sign the kids up for swim lessons b/c DH's schedule means nothing (he can be called in at any time), and we need one adult per child for the lessons. We cannot afford to hire someone to help for each lesson, so it looks like we just can't do it. It seems to be the trend around here.
When I tried to talk to him about how I'm feeling he got really angry and was like "you got what you wanted, to be home with the kids." I know a lot has to do with the stress of the new job, and me feeling isolated.
I did join a local parents group and do activities with them once a week, but all the kids are younger, and no one has more than one child, so while they all get to be social I'm just chasing my two around.
If you got this far, thank you, really. I just don't feel like I have a right to complain, but man, this has been hard:(
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Re: Having a hard time RE: DH's demanding job, moving to new city
Yep. My DH said the same thing to me recently. BIG HUGS, really. I was in your position almost 1 1/2 years ago when I moved east coast to west and left my career which I loved so my DH could pursue his career and work long hours. We also do not have family in the area.
It is very difficult to meet other moms and form relationships. Do the public libraries have story or music time? I know you mentioned that you couldn't afford to hire someone for the swim lessons, but what if it was a mother's helper (teen or preteen since you won't be leaving your child alone with them)?
Good luck!
I swear we're living identical stories. My DH was also laid off right around when the girls were born, I had to go back to work right away. He got hired on last month as an electric system operator, which has rotating 12 hour shifts on a 10 week rotation. We live and breathe by our calendar with 'day' 'night' 'on-call' and 'off' written on it. But I can't commit to us being able to both be at something every Thursday for 6 weeks.
We moved 7 hours away to make this happen, and my first time in the state (much less city) was when I crossed the border to move here.
Right now my saving grace is the YMCA. Ours has a nursery that is almost a preschool that is part of the membership, so it gives us a place to go and gets me out of the house every day. I'm also trying to get ahold of some MOPS groups to see if any of them do summer activities/playgroups. I'm also going to try the library story hour. We're also working on finding a church that we can start attending that has a nursery during mass.
So we're surviving on a structured schedule level, but I have no one that I can meet for coffee or to chat. I won't lie, I love being with my kids, but I'm lonely. I miss my friends and having my mom 15 minutes away.
I wish I had a magic solution. Right now my method is to put ourselves out in the community and hope to meet some new friends. And make DH very glad we're on a friends and family cell plan so I can talk to my friends back home. Hang in there, and know you're not alone.
PS It would be to much to hope for that you're in SD, wouldn't it? :P
FWIW - we signed the kids up for swim lessons and when DH couldn't make it we would just have to miss that lesson. If you can afford it and go into it with the attitude that you're not going to make all the classes but that being able to do some of them is better than none it could still be a fun adventure for you guys as a family.
I totally understand why this is hard. It's very isolating to move to a new place and harder still when you don't have a job as an outlet to naturally meet new people.
My hope for you is that as the weather gets warmer you'll meet more moms at parks and can have some play dates at HOME where you can actually socialize because they're safe and contained instead of having to have your eyes on them going in different directions the whole time.
Is there a MOM's group in your area? I'm sure they "get it".
My other bit of comfort is that it gets SO much easier. You're at the hardest time with little ones (especially 2 of them) where you literally do have to watch them every moment so they don't run into the street and get killed. As they get older it's not the same panic attack if you can't see both of them every single second when you're at a park. Please trust me when I tell you that once they're in school you WILL meet other Mom's and the whole concept of a play date will take on new meaning.
You will get more of your adult life back and get settled in - you're just at a really rough age for it right now with 2 to juggle by yourself.
Hang in there, Mamma!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Thank you guys for your responses. It made me feel better to get if off my chest to a group of people I know will understand, or at least show some empathy.
I will try and remember that it gets easier. After reading a few replies, instead of just hanging out at home after naps today we went to the play area at the mall (if you can call it that!), with hopes of starting a conversation with someone. No such luck, but getting out made me feel better.
And dulcinea, if I was in SD I'm sure we'd be fast BFFs:)