When a best friend has another baby.

AmCheri · April 2012

I'm feeling like a bad friend. Our very good friend had their third baby recently. She texted me from the hospital. Sent pictures. I immediately sent flowers to the hospital, but I haven't called. She and I usually email daily but I haven't heard from her. Suppose she has her hands full.

Last night my husband gave me a hard time for not calling her. I got upset and started crying. I thought if anyone would understand, it'd be MH. He apologized and told me he "forgot for a minute.". Forgot what? That I'm infertile? That we just m/c a couple of months ago? That I start meds for cycle 3 on Tuesday?

I know I'm being selfish and I should suck it up and call. Damn it. It's frustrating though. MH is close to them too. He can pickup the phone as easy as I can. It's times like this when I feel like I'm letting IF make me a miserable person.

Sorry for the length. I guess I'm just venting. And sorry for the typos

daisyMaryGirl · April 2012

I'm sorry, but I feel that way too sometimes. You have to do what's best for you. If she's a true friend, she will understand.

reb259 · April 2012

AmCheri:

I'm feeling like a bad friend. Our very good friend had their third baby recently. She texted me from the hospital. Sent pictures. I immediately sent flowers to the hospital, but I haven't called. She and I usually email daily but I haven't heard from her. Suppose she has her hands full.

Last night my husband gave me a hard time for not calling her. I got upset and started crying. I thought if anyone would understand, it'd be MH. He apologized and told me he "forgot for a minute.". Forgot what? That I'm infertile? That we just m/c a couple of months ago? That I start meds for cycle 3 on Tuesday?

I know I'm being selfish and I should suck it up and call. Damn it. It's frustrating though. MH is close to them too. He can pickup the phone as easy as I can. It's times like this when I feel like I'm letting IF make me a miserable person.

Sorry for the length. I guess I'm just venting. And sorry for the typos

why do they always put it us? I am sorry, it is never easy. For me i usually just need time to process in my own way and time. I usually come around, but I have to admit it is starting to talk longer and longer. Big hugs!!

sarahtoledo · April 2012

You sent flowers. You're fine.

I struggle with this -- my policy is to do something nice/appropriate and then drop it until I feel ready to deal with it. I don't think people notice, and if they do, well, most of them know what's been going on with us. I'm pretty "out" and it helps.

My therapist says that it's bad enough to have to deal with all this, we don't need to be criticizing ourselves (our getting crap from our Hs!) on top of it.

XV11Star · April 2012

I totally understand! I had a really similar situation the other day -- my cousin had her anatomy scan the same day I had my scan pre-2nd round MTX that showed a bunch of cysts. It just felt extra cruel, and while I did respond to my cousin's Facebook post, MH gave me a hard time for not calling or doing "more". I broke down crying as well. He apologized later, but in the moment it really hurt and just seemed to negatively highlight the situation we're in.

You are not being selfish, you are living your reality! She has a busy and recently grown family and I am sure you are right that her hands are full. Give yourself more time, and call when and if you are up for it. You have acknowledged the birth by sending the flowers, and now I would bet her days are a blur and you get a pass for everything you've been through!! I am sure she would understand.

Big hugs to you, I am so sorry you are dealing with this!

LaLe09 · April 2012

You sent flowers. You acknowledged and congratulated her on her pregnancy. I think you did everything right. Call when you are ready. Sorry you are having to go through this.

Mrs.McIrish · April 2012

Hugs. I think it is hard enough when a "friend" has a baby so I can't imagine having to endure a BFF doing it. I'm "fortunate" to be older so most of my immediate friends are done or not having any. I have tangential friends or friends that I've lost day to day contact with having them and I pretty much ignore it other than a "congrats". I declined a baby shower invite for Sunday (I went to her wedding in June but we don't see each other regularly so no need for me to suck it up and go). It is hard and DH should not make you feel worse about it. You sent flowers and that is enough in my opinion. If it ever comes up, just say you figured she was too busy with all her kids so you left her alone....

Roxie5739 · April 2012

You sent flowers. You're covered!

I struggle with this a lot. I have a cousins wife and a 20 year old neice both due any day now and I have not checked in on them much during the last 7 months. I think my family may get why, I feel bad that I do not check in but I just cannot face it. It is bad enough checking facebook and being 20, my niece is posting hourly on her updates. It just kills me.

Do what is right for you. Your friend will understand and I am sure she already does. Take the time you need to reach out to her. She does have her hands full with 3 so don't think that not hearing from her means she is upset with you, You are OK.

naybird · April 2012

I agree with everyone else. You sent flowers, you are fine.

A true friend will understand how hard this is for you and know that you need some space/time.

Big hugs.

BAKERMOMHDS · April 2012

AmCheri:

I'm feeling like a bad friend. Our very good friend had their third baby recently. She texted me from the hospital. Sent pictures. I immediately sent flowers to the hospital, but I haven't called. She and I usually email daily but I haven't heard from her. Suppose she has her hands full.

Last night my husband gave me a hard time for not calling her. I got upset and started crying. I thought if anyone would understand, it'd be MH. He apologized and told me he "forgot for a minute.". Forgot what? That I'm infertile? That we just m/c a couple of months ago? That I start meds for cycle 3 on Tuesday?

I know I'm being selfish and I should suck it up and call. Damn it. It's frustrating though. MH is close to them too. He can pickup the phone as easy as I can. It's times like this when I feel like I'm letting IF make me a miserable person.

Sorry for the length. I guess I'm just venting. And sorry for the typos

ALL OF THIS!!!!!! ?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm dealing with the almost exact situation. My very good friend, we are very close, had her first baby on Tuesday. We usually email, text, talk..everyday. She texted me pictures, posted a million on facebook, I sent flowers.. BUT DAMN IT.. I CAN'T BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just cry. I have been crying for 3 days now. My husband..doesn't get it.

I feel your pain, I can totally relate... Wish I could make it better for both of us.

SweetDahlia · April 2012

Hugs. I am sure your friend will understand. I think it's big of you to send flowers. My friend had her 3rd, we were pregnant together. Well I was for 10 weeks. It's really hard to see her little guy.

MBfromBMC · April 2012

(((huge hugs)))

It's so hard...

AmCheri · April 2012

Thanks so much everyone. I appreciate your support, as always. Beating yourself up sure seems to come so naturally with IF, doesn't it.

Bethany1026 · April 2012

awww, (((HUGS))) I have felt the same way, my friends are just about done having babies...and here I am, still haven't started. I have felt very introverted and withdrawn for quite a while now too. Hang in there girl! We are here for any and all venting

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