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Success after IF
dana316
member
Ferber Moms, come in please (very long)
dana316
member
I am giving serious thought to Ferbering Parker. I don't want to do it, but I am exhausted with a capital E.
WWYD?
I nurse him to sleep (if he doesn't fall asleep nursing, my DH rocks him) around 7:30. He MIGHT sleep until 10:30 or 11:00pm...and then I nurse him back to sleep.
This goes on, every hour and a half to three hours all night long. Last night, we were up what seemed like a million times. He nurses enough to get a pretty good letdown, nurses that off, then falls asleep pretty much immediately. I put him back in his bed, and he falls right back asleep. No paci required.
I can't keep getting up with him every hour and half. I am a walking train wreck of a mother. I am short tempered with Caroline and my husband.
Letting him get up with Parker does absolutely no good, because Parker cries and cries and won't go back to sleep until I come in and nurse him.
He is also a really crappy napper. I have to rock him down for every nap...and depending on how exhausted he is, that can take up to 30 minutes. Then he sleeps 30 to 45 minutes. I can go in a rock him again, and he'll fall right back asleep, only to wake up as soon as I put him back in his crib. Super, ridiculously frustrating.
I'm at the end of my rope...and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. I am so tired, I can't think straight. If his sleep were improving, I would hold off, but it is getting worse and worse and worse.
I had no intentions of Ferbering him until he was old enough to find his paci in the bed and put it back in his mouth on his own, but I'm not sure I can wait that long.
So, WWYD? How did it work if you Ferbered one that couldn't find their own paci in the bed?? Am I crazy for even thinking this would work?
Thoughts? Please...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ferber Moms, come in please (very long)
Without a doubt, I would use Ferber overnight in your situation (naps are a whole other story). When Anna started waking every 90 minutes overnight, that is when we did it. She was still swaddled at the time, so the paci wasn't really an issue. I can see why you'd want him to be able to find it - but honestly I think 6 months is an ideal time to Ferber. Typically, the younger the better (within reason of course), as it will go faster and they are less stubborn and set in their ways. and if Ferbering now also has the side effect of breaking him of his *need* for the paci, then I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing, you know? I personally think the less they absolutely need to fall asleep, the better.
Anna just learned to self-soothe on her own. No paci, no thumb, just herself. And it only took 3 nights. It is HARD HARD HARD, but worth it.
Good luck, whatever you decide!
Because we're fancy like that.
Because we're fancy like that.
I would total Ferberize. You need to do something. And the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Get the book Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber and once you read it .. you will be onboard. I don't have any experience with nursing but I know that when DS1 was 6 months, they told me there was no reason at all that I should be getting up with him in the middle of the night and I needed to wean him off the midnight feeding. So every 1.5 hrs is a lot. Have you fed him any solids yet? That helped with my DS2 (but am still getting up with him once a night.. I'm sure at his 6 mo appt they are going to tell me the same thing they did with DS1).
As for the paci.. maybe get a couple of Wubbanubs? My DS2 has one and can find it pretty good in the middle of the night. It's just a little stuffed animal with a paci attached. He can find it WAY better than if it was just a regular paci.
Good luck.. and don't be afraid of Ferberizing. It will change your life for the better.
TTC #1: IUI #2 = BFP , Betas 550 (16 dpiui), 1523 (18 dpiui)
Hypothyroid, LPD, FSH 13.0, TTC 2 yrs B4 BFP
TTC #2: FSH 23, AMA, IUI 1, 2, 3 = BFN, IVF #1 = MC
IVF #2 = BFP - Betas 194 (14dp2dt), 366 (16 dp2dt), 841 (18 dp2dt)
(vanished twin ~7 weeks)
Oh honey...you need to Ferberize that child. For the sake of both of your sleep. We Ferberized Jacob around 5ish months and he became a SOLID overnight sleeper. Naps were still hit or miss. I never could get on board with Ferber's ideas on napping - abandoning a nap and trying again later after 30 minutes of crying.
But I do have to say that I specifically remember that by 6 months I really thought that Jacob would be napping better. I even remember writing a post about it. And then very shortly after, something clicked and those 37 minute naps became 2 hour naps. But I do have to point out that he was sleeping a solid 11-12 hours overnight at that point.
Honey, my 3 week old is giving us longer stretches than Parker is giving you. He goes 3-5 hours every stretch overnight. You definitely need to do something about this sleeping.
Maybe you can get Parker down to a couple of night feedings (like 1-2) and then you can get yourself a solid little stretch of sleep and life will be so much better for everyone.
(((hugs)))
Could not have said this better myself. We were also in a position of Will waking every 1.5-2 hours. And he was up long enough that he was only sleeping 1-1.5 hours (so I was sleeping less) at a time. It simply didn't work. I was back working full time at the time so it was impacting my ability to function during the day immensely.
I agree that it's worth trying it before he even becomes dependent on the pacifier - you never know, he might surprise you!
It was three days for us also, but honestly, only the first one was really difficult. He cried a little bit the next two days, but more like 10-15 minutes.
Whatever you decide, good luck!!
i agree that 6 months is a good time to ferber. and you know he doesn't need to be eating that often!
i used the book from the library, we posted the intervals on our fridge, and stuck to them. we did it around 7 months and it worked.
I'm sorry, I should have explained a little better. I am a HUGE Dr. Ferber fan, and have used his method on my older child...but at 10.5 months. I've always been a little leary of early sleep training, but something's got to give.
His method was an absolute blessing for us when we used it with Caroline...but I just really wanted to wait until he was a little older.
I second this. DS loves his Wubbanub and he could find his paci in the crib early on. As for Ferber, I tried it and it failed for DS. But the sleep lady shuffle worked really well.
Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues
TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui
TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12
TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks
Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts.
TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
This sounds exactly like where I was last month. G was 5 months, waking every 1.5-2 hours a night to nurse. It was ridiculous. I was exhausted and I became really resentful of MH because I was up so much with the baby.
I was really uncertain about using the ferber method because I am a softy, especially for my baby's cries but it took ONE night of crying and G is now sleeping 10-12 hours a night in his crib. He goes does down without nursing, without a swaddle, and without a peep every night around 7:30, wakes up at 4-5 to eat and back down until about 7.
It was honestly the best thing I could have done for myself, MH and Gavin. He is happy to go to bed every night and I don't dread it either. I used to have to nurse him to sleep and pray he went down without waking up.
I absolutely recommend using the Ferber method for Parker. I think you will see a huge improvement in a short time frame. I was so worried G wouldn't take to it and we'd be the 1% it doesn't work for but G took to it like a champ and he's as happy as can be.
Good luck!
this sounds like the situation that led us to ferberize (except that for us he was waking every 30-45 minutes). we were wrecks. this sort of thing is exactly what ferber is for. i think you also want to do it now before he hits the 8-month separation anxiety period. 8 months was when we finally got desperate enough to do it, and i felt horrible doing it when he was dealing with separation anxiety.
you can do it mama! good luck.
I would totally do it too. We Ferberized DS right around the same age for similar reasons - he didn't need to nurse to sleep, but he was still swaddled. He woke up every hour to 1.5 hours ALL NIGHT LONG when he would bust out of the swaddle. I also work 2 nights a week, so I would not sleep at home, then have to go to work the next night. I was a disaster and it was dangerous for everyone - my family and my patients.
Since your DS is used to eating overnight, maybe still let him eat 1-2 times - that is what we did with my DS. Just make sure he is awake when you put him back down. DS was not a fan of this, but after 2 days, he would wake up 2x to eat - 1am and 4-5am, and go back to sleep easily. Within 2 weeks, he cut that down on his own to one wake up at 4-5am on his own, and by 8 months, he was STTN.
And as for the paci - when DS would cry, we would go in at the intervals, give him back his paci and pat him on the head. If he cried overnight, we would go in and give him the paci to see if that would solve the problem. If not, we just did the regular ferber intervals. I think he was finding his own by 7-8 months.
I am EXACTLY where you are right now. Exactly. DS will be 6 months on Sunday, and is waking at the same intervals you mention, and napping as you say. I am a TOTAL wimp about sleep training. I want to do it, in fact envy those who have... but am not sure I have the guts. I will be watching your posts carefully to see what you decide!
I should add... at 3 months, Henry was sleeping until 4ish every. single. night. It's been all downhill since then...
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!, DS is now 3.5yrs!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP! DD is 1.5 yrs!
Surprise! 12/16/14 BFP, loss #2 12/31/14
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929