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FutureMrsWittig
member
Her loss, our gain
FutureMrsWittig
member
Today is BMs birthday. She has decided all she wants for her birthday is to be away from her kids. So she is going out tonight to a bar and possibly to see a movie. She called the mother of one of SDs friends to see if SD could spend the night with them. Unfortunately for her they have plans early Saturday so it really wasn't a good time. Fortunately, friend's mom called me and told me this. So DH proposed to BM that we just pick SD up and keep her tonight so she can have her birthday free and clear. She agreed enthusiastically.
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Her loss, our gain
BM does this kind of stuff all the time. DH has never turned down his day with SD but BM will call with stuff like "I have a dr appointment at 8:30 in the morning can you just keep her tonight and take her to school and then I'll pick her up from school?" SD has to be at school by 8 and can be there as early as 7:30. It takes maybe 15 min to get to her dr from the school. We gladly say yes but I just don't understand. She doesn't get to see SD for days sometimes and she'd rather not have her on her night because of a dr appt the next day. And usually on the days this happens we are picking SD back up that night so she really only gets SD from 3:30-5. Makes no sense but we love the extra time. Some poeple just don't have their priorities figured out.
Funny you post this. We are long distance and don't really do extra parenting time with SD because of this. But we planned a trip to see SD at her dance recital next month and casually asked BM if we could keep SD for a Friday night as well. BM agreed after asking SD her wishes. And then SD said to DH last night "Ya I told Mom that I'd rather spend Friday night with you and SM than at the brewery. Mom was ok with it. She is probably happy to have a free babysitter so she and Stepdad can drink". Quote. From the mouth of a 9 yr old.
But agreed, she can live it up and we get quality time with SD which is so much more important to us since it's few and far between :P
Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.
DS born 12/29/14
Wow, that's really sad! BM is the same way now that she has a new boyfriend and is "happy". She's made the kids miss appointments and sports to hang out with him and his daughter instead. When she asks if we can take the kids on "her" time, we always do because we obviously want to spend as much time with them as possible (and because we're keeping track of it all in case she goes for CS!). But sometimes I just want to say no! We've never given up our time with the kids and asked her to watch them instead! Yes, we've rearranged the schedule, but never just forfeited time.
IDK, unless she rarely sees her kids I don't see why she is a bad person for doing something "adult" on her birthday. My birthday is coming up and I have been thinking it would be fun for FI and I to go to Atlantic City for the day. That doesn't mean I'm thinking..."hey it's my birthday I get to ditch my kid!!" I'm just thinking of something fun that I want to do, it just doesn't happen to be somewhere I can take DS with. That said, DS is not with BF on my birthday so I will just be going the following week when it is BF's time.
All of this came on the heels of BM telling me last night that SD is so mean to her little sister (BMs second child) that even though the relationship between BM and SD is bad, BM doesn't really feel like working on it. I bit my tounge til it bled not to tell her that we would gladly take SD off her hands.
SD asked me though why her mommy doesn't want to spend her birthday with her. And in the name of doing what her counselor advised me to do (don't make excuses for BM) I just told her I really didn't know what BM had planned, but we would make cookies tonight and she can take them over tomorrow and celebrate with her mom then.
And, I agree, wanting adult time for your birthday is not a bad thing. It just sucks that she only sees her daugther a few days a week and she gives them up to sit in a bar buying drinks she can't afford...
But if I was married to her H and had her life I'd probably drink too... all the time.
I'm just mad at her for what she said about not wanting to work on her relationship with SD because she's "mean"... And for trying to pawn her off on SDs friends family.
Word. My kids go to bed at 8....so it's not like I'd be missing them for a huge chunk of time to go out to dinner and celebrate my birthday. Plus, I'm with them 95% of the time. Though it wouldn't be my ex-husband who would watch them (since he doesn't on his days anyway), it would be my parents or inlaws.
Don't find this flameable. It's fine to want time for yourself. ALL moms need that, single or not.
Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.
DS born 12/29/14
Wanting time to yourself is not flame-worthy. The part I don't understand is the significance of having to celebrate on the exact day of your birthday. To me, you can celebrate your birthday just as well any time that you choose to. When visitation time is already limited, it doesn't make sense to me to lose time just to celebrate on the exact DOB. But, in OP's case it doesn't sound like their BM prioritizes visitation very highly.
Good for BM, hope she enjoys her bday.
Good for your DH also, to me this is nothing more than good co-parenting.
This. No matter how much you love your kids everyone needs a break sometimes!
You can celebrate with the kids before "adult" time starts. I do not find this odd at all. Just because you want to spend your whole birthday with your kids doesnt mean everyone feels the same...especially for single mothers who have their children most of the time. It doesnt make your way the right way and their s the wrong.