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Blended Families
Looking for some advice
I am not sure if this is the best board to be asking this question, but here it goes. A little bachground info that might help. My stepdaughter lives in Indiana and my husband and I live in a different state. My stepdaughter lives with her mom full time and receives support from us. Recently we found out that my stepdaughter's mom opened some credit cards in our name(without our permission.). My question is: what happens to my stepdaughter if her mom is in jail? Would they let her stay with her grandma(her grandma lives with her and her mom) so she wasn't moved into an unknown environment and a different state (stepdaughter and husband don't have any relationship with each other. They see each other once a year, if that) or would we end up with custody of stepdaughter? I would feel bad if my stepdaughter was pulled out of her school and taken away from her family and everything that she knows because her mom did something stupid. Thank you for taking the time reading this and for any advice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Looking for some advice
If her mom was unable to care for her for whatever reason I'd imagine her other parent would be the next step. However, my best guess is that he could sign guardianship over to the grandmother?
I'm not even going to bother asking WHY he has no relationship with his child.......
Yep, on both counts.
well, if you dont want the responsibility of your stepchild, do not follow through with the charges on the credit card fraud.
Really, why doesnt your husband have a relationship with his child? Hell, we live across the ocean and have a Self-Centered BM in our life, but she sees her son more than once a year.
When DH was not CP and living across the ocean from SS, he saw SS more than 2 x a year. The ONLY time he did not see SS for more than a year was when he deployed and even then, he maintained a relationship with his son.
If mom goes to jail, I believe custody defaults to dad. But if dad didn't want her, and grandma does, I don't think the courts would necessarily force the issue.
You might want to consult an attorney on how to give grandma some type of guardianship.
I'm sure you could work something out.
How big are the bills? If the amount isn't big, have your H put a "lock" on his credit report so that nothing else can be opened without a password.
If it is a significant amount, then you should pursue charges. I'm not even sure she would be put in jail for any significant amount of time - she might just have to repay your H (or the cc company). Most likely your H would be contacted, and he could arrange for grandma to be your SD's guardian. Also, this would not happen overnight, so BM could make plans with her lawyer about arranging custody.
The thing I would be most worried about is that she or her mom would probably bad-mouth your H, and blame him for her being in jail. Of course, it is BMs own fault, but since your SD doesn't know her dad, she's never going to know the truth and THAT is a result of your H's choices.
So, I'm guessing you have given up trying to get custody of your SD? It was just a year ago you wrote this. Now you would prefer the child be with her grandmother rather than her own father?
Ok...MUD? In the old post you live in the Midwest, yet across the country from your SD. Now your SD lives in Indiana and you still live no where near her? I think our 5 year old knows geography well enough to see the holes in this story...
I think there is really two very sepatate issues here.
First is the issue of the credit card fraud, which I would certainly alert the authorities about because it may influence your credit rating and you could potentially be liable for her charges if you haven't reported it.
Then is the custody issue IF BM goes to jail, which it's entirely possible she may not. But her consequences are HERS really. I know that may impact whether SD lives with you or not, but that's most likely a long ways off at this point,
My SK's mom has pulled some things very similar to this and we have always opted to not deal with it because A. She's always barely on the side of possibly legal and B. My DH fears that she will take it out on SK's if she gets mad that she's being questioned over something. In hind site, this hasn't been the best idea because BM then thinks she's done nothing wrong. Opening a credit card in someone else's name is wrong.