Emotional hang-ups?
Labor with my son was very rough on me, emotionally.
This time is going to be VERY different. I have chosen a provider that is on the opposite end of the spectrum for natural birth (from the ones I had before) and I've educated myself more on natural birth. I love the midwives I see (ALL of them are great) and the birth center I'm set to deliver at is the best place for a natural birth in our area. We hired a student doula.
The only part of this that I'm feeling uneasy about is my emotional state, but I can't really pin down WHY or WHAT exactly is causing me to be so anxious about it. I did tell my doula that I'd like to meet with her once to talk about it, but I don't have any idea what to say beyond "I'm anxious about my emotional state." How can I figure out what is bothering me so much so I can let it go before I go into labor? What were your worries before a planned NB?
Re: Emotional hang-ups?
I just finished participating in a 6-month birth trauma group. One of the most helpful things besides telling my story in bits-and-pieces and hearing the stories of others was to write (or rewrite) my birth story. I obtained both my OB records and the hospital records and used those paired with my own notes, info from my doulas, and my feelinsg now. I forced me to think about every single thing again, which helped me identify some new things that were hanging me up emotionally and it also helped me see the things I had processed and celebrate my strength in that.
Everyone in the group agrees that our stories change as time passes because we change. We learn more about ourselves or birth or explore new feelings. So, writing a birth story just once may not be enough. We also did a second exercise where we wrote the birth story to our child at their current age. The one for myself was 10-pages and highly emotional. The one for my son was short, sweet, and celebratory. It was two very different, equally true ways to look at it.
I read my story to my group, which was not allowed to give any feedback (that was hard, but powerful!). I also read it to DH and then asked him three questions...
1- Is there anything you would change, or saw differently, or think I left out?
2- Did you learn anything new (either fact-based or based on my feelings)?
3- Is there anything that you think we should do differently for this birth that we are not already doing?
1-2 hypnotherapy sessions or counseling sessions with somone versed in processing births can also make a huge difference. I process in other ways, but some of the moms in my group took these steps and had major breakthroughs.
More Green For Less Green
My worry is almost the same as yours. Emotional. I had a loss at 12 weeks, and what i didn't know at the time was that the pain I was feeling was actually contractions. No one told me what to expect. At all. I had a horrible time of it. Looking back now, I know what contractions feel like and I'm not afraid of them. It wasn't the pain, as much as it was the OMG factor. I didn't calm down at all, I was scared, and I gave myself a tension headache in addition to it all. The headache was worse than the lower pain.
I feel like I know what to expect, but since I went to that unhappy place before, I fear that I will go there again, and not be able to labor at all.
i'm so glad you did that group!!!! i wanted to, but the timing wasn't right for me.
i second everything pixie said and will add that (as a hypnotherapist who specializes in the needs of women during their childbearing years) seeing a qualified hypnotist can really make a huge difference. it is not even necessary for you to consciously identify what it is that is causing your emotional trauma, it is often enough for your subconscious to release it so you can move forward.
this is exactly why i do this work. it is the highlight of my day when i alert someone from hypnosis who came with birth trauma and they look at me with new light in their eyes and tell me that they can see clearly again, that they feel lighter and can embrace their past birth experience as a happy time (for this was the birth day of their child). few things bring me greater happiness.