Do you tell friends about rfing when you see they ff?

MayDayGirl · April 2012

I never know how to handle these situations: when your friend's 13 month old is ff, do you tell them about rf? What about when someone's baby's straps are down by their belly and really loose?

I never know what to do! I don't want to seem preachy or judgy, but I care about their safety at the same time.

Just wondering WWSAIFD...

LakeGenevaBride · April 2012

I don't know what to do either. Last weekend my cousin posted pics of her 18 month old on FB. In one pic he was FF in the car, in another he was eating a whole hot dog (not cut up or anything). Am I just overly paranoid? I don't know how you could not know about those safety issues. I'm assuming they are just choosing to not follow them. 13 months is pretty young though.

alchris · April 2012

For me it TOTALLY depends. Recently a friend had her child's chest clip on the little one's belly and I made a comment about her child's ability to have pushed it down. Of course the child hadn't moved it and the mom asked me to clarify where it should be; I explained it should be at armpit level and she was sincerely very thankful saying she didn't know. I've never said anything about FFing or RFing unless I really feel it's sketchy since I don't want to be too preachy. More often it came up when Kira was still RFing as a 2 and 3 year old and others commented to me first. Only then did I explain how much safer it was, especially if it were a parent of a child still RFing who might have been amenable to keeping their little one RFing longer.

muppet.fan · April 2012

alchris:
For me it TOTALLY depends. Recently a friend had her child's chest clip on the little one's belly and I made a comment about her child's ability to have pushed it down. Of course the child hadn't moved it and the mom asked me to clarify where it should be; I explained it should be at armpit level and she was sincerely very thankful saying she didn't know. I usually don't say something about FFing or RFing unless I really feel it's sketchy since I don't want to be too preachy. More often it came up when Kira was still RFing as a 2 and 3 year old and others commented to me first. Only then did I explain how much safer it was, especially if it were a parent of a child still RFing who might have been amenable to keeping their little one RFing longer.

Pretty much ditto all of this. For RFing now with an almost 3 year old, I get all the questions so it's an easy chance to explain why it's safer.

For the chest clip, I've turned those situations back on myself a couple of times. Like if it's a friend with a clip way down, I'll ask something like "Hey, Elizabeth pushes her clip down all the time too (she doesn't, but it gives me a non-judgey opening) -- do you have any tricks that work to get your LO to keep it up where it should be?

browneyedgrl4282 · April 2012

I actually said something recently when a friend's 5 months old was FF and she claimed the pedi (who we both use) told her it was okay because he was too big for the infant seat. I knew she was lying because we use the same pedi and she is very pro RF until age 2

MayDayGirl · April 2012

muppet.fan:
alchris:
For me it TOTALLY depends. Recently a friend had her child's chest clip on the little one's belly and I made a comment about her child's ability to have pushed it down. Of course the child hadn't moved it and the mom asked me to clarify where it should be; I explained it should be at armpit level and she was sincerely very thankful saying she didn't know. I usually don't say something about FFing or RFing unless I really feel it's sketchy since I don't want to be too preachy. More often it came up when Kira was still RFing as a 2 and 3 year old and others commented to me first. Only then did I explain how much safer it was, especially if it were a parent of a child still RFing who might have been amenable to keeping their little one RFing longer.
Pretty much ditto all of this. For RFing now with an almost 3 year old, I get all the questions so it's an easy chance to explain why it's safer.
For the chest clip, I've turned those situations back on myself a couple of times. Like if it's a friend with a clip way down, I'll ask something like "Hey, Elizabeth pushes her clip down all the time too (she doesn't, but it gives me a non-judgey opening) -- do you have any tricks that work to get your LO to keep it up where it should be?

That is good, but what if the baby is newborn?

GuitaristsGirl · April 2012

Not unless I have a reason to think that they really just don't know the rules and recommendations. This usually happened when people would ask me when/ if I turned DS and at what age.

Otherwise, I figure that I have to assume that they made a conscious decision for reasons unknown to me, which is their prerogative (within the law, of course), even if it might not seem like best practices to an on-looker.

JillRock96 · April 2012

GuitaristsGirl:
Not unless I have a reason to think that they really just don't know the rules and recommendations. This usually happened when people would ask me when/ if I turned DS and at what age.
Otherwise, I figure that I have to assume that they made a conscious decision for reasons unknown to me, which is their prerogative (within the law, of course), even if it might not seem like best practices to an on-looker.

I agree with this. Unless they are breaking the law, being neglectful, or ask for my opinion, it is none of my business.

OrangeSmoke · April 2012

GuitaristsGirl:

Not unless I have a reason to think that they really just don't know the rules and recommendations. This usually happened when people would ask me when/ if I turned DS and at what age.

Otherwise, I figure that I have to assume that they made a conscious decision for reasons unknown to me, which is their prerogative (within the law, of course), even if it might not seem like best practices to an on-looker.

This - I might say something if I see a child FF before the age of 1, but after that, I figured the parents had a reason (might be a dumb reason, but whateves).

Most of the conversations I've had about RF/FF seems to be sparked by the fact that my boys are still RF at 21 months.

Mrs.RockyM · April 2012

it also depends on which friend it is, and if we have a relationship where I can call them on out on stuff like that. I'd definitely say something with a close friend - at least ask why.

RoxBride · April 2012

Absolutely not.

It is not my business, and you can try and couch it however you want, but a "oh, gee, she pushes her clip down too?" doesn't mask the obvious criticism, if you ask me.

If you start with car seats, then move to "I saw your child eating a hot dog on FB and I want you to know that isn't safe" then what - do we start sending info on the benefits of BFing to a child holding a bottle?

Should I start sending info about the dangers of cosleeping to every friend who posts a status update referring to their child being in bed with them?

If I see a picture of a kid at McDonald's, do I tell the parents they are making a mistake?

Go to the movies and look for children eating popcorn and tell the parents they are putting their child's life at risk for eating it?

Hot dogs and car seats might be your passion, but there are probably many other things an outsider could look at in your house and tell you how you are making mistakes.

Bottom line - butt out.

Ali212 · April 2012

JillRock96:
GuitaristsGirl:
Not unless I have a reason to think that they really just don't know the rules and recommendations. This usually happened when people would ask me when/ if I turned DS and at what age.
Otherwise, I figure that I have to assume that they made a conscious decision for reasons unknown to me, which is their prerogative (within the law, of course), even if it might not seem like best practices to an on-looker.
I agree with this. Unless they are breaking the law, being neglectful, or ask for my opinion, it is none of my business.

I agree with both of these completely. I generally wouldn't say anything, it's not my business.

schmoodle · April 2012

I don't. I HATE feeling judged by others and passive aggressive comments about what someone else does/doesn't do as thinly veiled criticism, so I just try to assume that my friends are well educated and have made informed decisions, even if it's not the same I would make. The only time I inform people of the guidelines is if they don't have kids yet or younger babies so it's not seen as personal judgment, more FYI.

MayDayGirl · April 2012

schmoodle:
I don't. I HATE feeling judged by others and passive aggressive comments about what someone else does/doesn't do as thinly veiled criticism, so I just try to assume that my friends are well educated and have made informed decisions, even if it's not the same I would make. The only time I inform people of the guidelines is if they don't have kids yet or younger babies so it's not seen as personal judgment, more FYI.

this is how I feel generally... though there have been things that I wouldn't have known (such as RF or the clip) if someone hadn't told me. But I guess I will just keep quiet unless someone asks.

jenn2929 · April 2012

Unless someone asks me, I don't say anything. Personally, I feel like I would be overstepping my bounds if I said something. Most of my playgroup friends turned their kids around before two. I never said anything to any of them. I think it's a very personal decision. We just turned the kids around two weeks ago. I still not sure it was the right thing to do, but DH and I decided together to do it.

emiannie · April 2012

schmoodle:
I don't. I HATE feeling judged by others and passive aggressive comments about what someone else does/doesn't do as thinly veiled criticism, so I just try to assume that my friends are well educated and have made informed decisions, even if it's not the same I would make. The only time I inform people of the guidelines is if they don't have kids yet or younger babies so it's not seen as personal judgment, more FYI.

This is exactly me. It also depends on who it is. If it were my SIL or a close family member I'd tell them, but only because they would KNOW it was coming from a good place and not a criticizing place. Ya know?

FaithRocks · April 2012

I was presented with this the other day, actually. One of my close friends who is a new mom showed me her daughter's FF new carseat. Her daughter is a very small 14 month old. I was going to wait until she asked me why I still RF Grayson (who is 5 months older). I know that she would appreciate the information (she is a close friend and takes my parenting advice when she asks for it) but I just don't think it's right to come out and say anything to her.

mama_cito95 · April 2012

It depends on who the person is and how well I know them. If straps are loose I might make a casual comment about it and see how they react, but I wouldn't push or pressure them to tighten it if I feel like it would be no point because it would lead to an argument.

For the RF until age 2, I think a lot of people are still not aware of the new recommendations. I had a debate with my on DH about it because he was going by the instructions on the carseat when DS grew out of the baby carrier car seat. I even printed out an article with the APA's recommendation to show him and he allowed me to turn the carseat back to RF, but DH still would prefer DS to FF. But again depending on who the person is I might just mention the new recommendation and see if they are even aware of it.

UsedToBeGoldie · April 2012

i have made comments to friends before- and preface it with "I am a bit of a car seat nazi - it's something i'm a freak about and have studied up on... and i'm sorry if i sound like a b!tch but your baby's straps need to be tighter/higher, etc".

the only time i mentioned someone not rear facing was when i saw a friend's baby forward facing before she was 1yo - i said "wait, she didn't turn 1 yet, right??" and it turned out the mom had NO idea about the LAW that her baby had to be rear facing! WTF.... she was glad i said something.

but no- if someone is following the law- i don't say anything about their decision to turn forward before 2yo... that's their deal - not mine.

Want a personalized experience?

Do you tell friends about rfing when you see they ff?

Re: Do you tell friends about rfing when you see they ff?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards