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Adoption
Update-Family Search (Long)
So I'm using my wife's bump account because I need a sounding board and she said I could lol.
I'm beginning the search for my biological family. I have a lot of reasons for doing this, primarily I've had some serious health concerns in the past few months and I want to make sure my genes aren't going to throw me another curveball. I also want to find out more about my heritage-I know I'm Italian, I look very Italian, and I want find out how far back my lineage goes, what region of Italy my family is from.
I'm kind of in a weird spot right now though. I want to search, but I have a lot of frustration about the people I'm going through. I'm going through Catholic Social Services, the agency that my birth mother used during the process. I know that it's a long process, and a delicate subject to approach. However, I just wish that people would be more no-nonsense about it. I want answers, and if it's a "No" or a "I don't know" I'm fine with that. I hate when people sugarcoat things. I especially hate it when I ask direct questions.
Anyways, I also want to know that people understand that I'm not looking for my own "Identity" I'm just looking for answers about where I come from. Do I sound unreasonable, or am I just having the normal range of emotions for something like this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Update-Family Search (Long)
I think you sound totally reasonable. It's a very reasonable request.
But, I think the SW are going to be a bit touchy feely. Unfortunately, it's (usually) what they do. So I think you're just going to have to push past it. And see if there are any other avenues you can explore (such as the national BP registry).
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I haven't been through what you're going through, but I think if I were in a similar situation, I would want to know more about my history.
Do they have any contact information for her? Are they able to tell you anything?
Maybe you could search on a site like adoption.com? https://registry.adoption.com/ They have a registry for birthparents and adoptees. I don't know what's involved with registering; it might just be some basic information.
Good luck with your search. Maybe someone else on here will have some more information for you, too.
I am also an adoptee and I know how you feel about wanting to know your biological past and history. I had a friend who went through catholic charities and yes it can take some time to find out information. Not only that but once they do find who you are looking for, they want that person and you to see a social worker to make sure both parties are mentally stable before introducing each other. I agree with previous posts about the national registry - check it out.
I understand about the not knowing medical information, however there are 2 tests you can get #1 is SMAC blood test this will show your doctors ALOT of information. #2 test is for your doctor to run a complete Genetic test this too will show ALOT of information. As I had both done and found out some things that I didn't know I had.
Good luck on your search journey, I wish you all the best.
Have you tried just telling the SW that she can speak plainly to you, without sugar coating or being delicate about it? That might free her up and make communication easier. She might be sugarcoating because past clients have needed that and she has just learned to communicate that way.
You sound perfectly reasonable to me. In my opinion, you shouldn't have to give a list of reasons to want to search for your birth mom. Curiosity should be enough of a reason. I'm of the opinion that it is your right to know where you came from. Hope you find the answers you are looking for.
TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
SA February 2011: Normal
RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI
Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption
Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
Court trip October 2012
Home November 24 2012!
Back to RE Summer 2013. TTC journey continues:
Dx DOR, endometriosis, low sperm count
Clomid + IUI#1, #2 = BFN / IUI #3 = ???
Laparoscopy scheduled December 2013
I am not an adoptee and I want to know more about my family. I've hit a dead end with my mom's side and it's frustrating me. I can't imagine not even having some names to start with. Not to mention, if I had to see a doctor and say, "I don't know any medical history", that would be tough. So long story longer, I don't think you're being unreasonable either.
I agree with the pp who suggested telling the people you're talking to that you want any answers they can give, even if it's no. They may be used to dealing with a different type of mindset, and it may be a way to break the ice, so to speak.
I think the pps gave you some good places to get some info.
Post often and let us know how your search goes.
My father was adopted and when he was trying to find where he came from he began looking into those family tree websites. (genealogy) For some reason my brain is drawing a blank at what one but it was awesome .. he found all the family he never knew he had! Sadly his biological father was a real jerk and not helpful at all .. but he did find an Aunt who was awesome and told him all about his family tree.
I wish you the best of luck!