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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
LaBellaVida
member
First M/C 4/2012
LaBellaVida
member
My husband and I have been TTC since August 2011. I finally got pregnant a few weeks ago and discovered I started to m/c on 4/5. I took a hpt the end of march and it was negative. a week later i started to experience cramps and a brown discharge. after much research online for nearly 8 days of this I decided to take a hpt again. it came out positive on 4/13. my husband drove me to the hospital and they ran my hcg levels and it was at 120. with the symtoms my doc treated me with a "threatned miscarriage" and wanted me to follow up in the ob/gyn on monday to get my levels ran again. I did, and got the results that they were only 97. they wanted to run my levels again on wednesday and my levels came back at 87. they officially diagnosed me...i am in fact miscarrying. they gave me a few options i can choose from, 1) was to take medication to help the process along. 2) perform a D&C and 3) allow it to pass naturally. I decided to naturally allow my body to miscarry this baby. I trust in my own body to do the right thing. They wanted me to continue to go back to the doc every 2 days to get my hcg levels ran and i choose not to do that eaither. I dont need a constant reminder that my levels are going down...and the fact that I am terrified of needles...salt in the wound...X2! I feel so guilty that I was the cause of loosing this baby. I have carried 2 healthy babies before..why couldn't i carry this one. I blame everything i was doing wrong on loosing this baby, and I am having a hard time dealing with it. does this get any easier? i just maily want to hear other peoples experiences with this, and different ways on how they coped with it. what are somethings you did/do to help you heal? any guidence...even if its sharing your own experiences with it....just to know I am not alone...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: First M/C 4/2012
BFP #2 05/01/2012 -- EDD 01/07/2013
Make a pregnancy ticker
Miscarrying is extremely difficult to deal with, but you've come to the right place.
You are going to experience all the stages of grief, and please allow yourself to do so. You'll find that many of us on here are in various stages, I myself am extremely angry... others have come to accept what has happened. You'll get there one day. It helps to write out your feelings, and it even helps to read other postings (I take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one out there who would like to strangle just about everyone who comes across my path).
But... one VERY important thing that you HAVE to understand, is that you did NOT do anything wrong. Period. End of story. None of us on this board have done anything wrong. When I was miscarrying on Sunday, the doctor in the ER looked me right in the eyes and said "it's not the cigarette you smoked, it's not the sex you had, it's not the jog you went on, it's nothing that you did. And it's not fair." I wanted to yell at him that I did NOT smoke or run or have sex or ANY of those things... but the point is that these things just simply happen. There's no rhyme or reason that we know of, and all of us on here are right when we scream "it's just not fair".
Give yourself time to grieve, what you (and we) are all suffering through is a great loss. Question the crap out of it, yell, cry, kick, get angry, do all of those things. In the end, it will get better. I promise.
(((Hugs)))