2u2 and a husband who travels?

Pockety · April 2012

Hi ladies! DS is 9 months old, and we are talking about trying for #2. Given that DH travels full-time (is home on the weekends, but out of town all week), do you think I'd be crazy to have 2u2? I see two sides - if they're close in age, they'll have similar interests, which is beneficial since there's just one of me, and they'll have to do things together. Oat of the time. On the other hand, if DS is a bit older, he might be more helpful, or at least more self sufficient, when I have a newborn.

Have any of you done this? I know it's possible, I just want some input. Of course, given that DH travels so much, who knows how long it'd take us to get pregnant anyway!!

celiabwatson · April 2012

I don't have a husband who travels but I do have a husband who works 2nd shift so I do bedtime alone most nights. My husband leaves at 1 and comes home at 10. He also sleeps in because he's home "late", so I have his help from 9:30-12 every morning.

Anyway, I feel like having them close in age is beneficial because they both still nap so I can get things done while they're napping, if the older one was older they could play independently but it's really not the same as the wonderous naptime.

Bedtime is the biggest challenge. My best strategy here has been to stagger the bedtimes and use the TV, so the baby goes to bed around 7:30 and my son is in front of the TV while I do that, then he goes to bed around 9, so he's not going directly from TV to bed. He also refuses to fall asleep if you try to put him to bed earlier than that.

Anyway, I think close in age is working well for us right now. I'm not sure how it'll be to have two mobile children and be trying to make dinner etc by myself, but I'm secretly hoping for a shift change before it gets too crazy around here.

Amitchell0626 · April 2012

I don't think I could do it.
We live in Canada and DH is in the army so he does go away, sometimes for long periods. But he can take parental leave so he'll be home for the first couple months, or 9 months, whatever he decides to take.

NavyPilotWife · April 2012

It's doable. If you have the resources to hire a housekeeper and/or once per week babysitter, it would definitely be a sanity saver. I didn't have much of a problem transitioning to 2u2. DH deployed shortly before DD2 turned one, making DD1 a little shy of 2.5. Having two mobile kids definitely keeps me busy (I thought it was easier, when they were younger). It's hard to keep the house organized because while I'm doing one thing, they are destroying two things. I only have so much energy left after they go to bed. I love having the girls close in age. They drive each other crazy at times, but they do love each other and have fun playing together.

angelproberts · April 2012

I'm single with 2u2 and it's doable but really hard. I do have a little help from my mom but not as much as I would like. It's really frustrating at times and I thought that the madness would never end. The lack of sleep in the beginning was a killer but now that they're old enough to actually "play" together I'm happy. Being on the other side of the NB stage is awesome! You can do it just stick to the mantra it will get better.

Pockety · April 2012

Thanks ladies!

CaitlinJ22 · April 2012

Dh works on a rig for 3 wks and then is home FT for 3 wks. Its hard, esp in the beginning but we love it. we love that he is home when he is and gives us his full attnetion. Being away sucks, but we deal. The hardest part? when the kids understand that daddy has to leave but not quite why he is gone

It is nice when they both napped for 9 months for 2 hours a day together so thats beneficial. I have no family except a sister an hour away and she has 3 kids of her own. I have several good friends who help me out when I need, a neighbor that is great. I use babysitters when I need to, or trade sitting with a friend. I have hired a maid from time to time to help, and a landscaper.

Its an isolating position, people dont understand what you are dealing with. BUT I bond quickly with pilot wives, or other wives who have DHs in similar positions.

I can tell you I asked this question back when DS was 9 months and we were going to start TTC....I got a lot of negative answers, BUT when the girls here began to realize what my husband did for a living and how much time he had home a lot of them say they would love that. So its a matter of perspective. I know many moms who have kids who see daddy for an hour before bed and on weekends...yes I would love to see my hubby every day, but I like the quality time we get more.

My advice would be TTC and see what happens. Nature will run its course and when you get PG you have 9 months to plan and figure it all out. to me, 2 u 2 was a logistical mess for the first 2 months (who to put in the car first, who to feed first, what to do with toddler when you ahve to put baby to sleep etc) but you figure it out. Being a good planner and being organized is a big key to making it work. Plus you have to make sure to rest and sleep when you can, sleep makes everything better.

Now my kids are 22 m and almost 3.5. They are best buddies and its easier in many ways. they love each other a lot and play well together and alone as well. DS was 18 months when DD came home from the hospital and he will never remember life without her.

I mean, its not always easy but I love it. If it was a nightmare I wouldn't be 31 wks pregnant with #3 GL to you.

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