- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Natural Birth
H not on board
H and I each have a child but this will be our first together. Last night we were discussing baby stuff and I asked him if he would be opposed to going to childbirth classes even though both of us went with our previous partners. I explained to him that I would like us to go together so he can learn how to coach me and we can learn techniques together. He was absolutely open to that idea. Then he asked "are you planning on not doing the epidural again?" to which I responded, "Yeah, I don't want one". He made a face but didn't say anything.
His ex-wife had one with their daughter so he has never experienced a birth without an epidural. I went with no meds and did just fine. It definitely hurt and I think emotionally I wasn't in the best place when I delivered so I was unable to relax, but I think this time around will be much easier for me.
Anyway, I asked him if he had a problem with that and he said he does not like the idea of that. He has anxiety issues and does not medicate but he said if I'm going without an epidural, he is going to need to be medicated. He says just the thought of seeing me in pain like that will be more than he can handle.
I can totally understand that but I also think that with classes and relaxation techniques, natural birth will be much easier than my first. Of course you never know until you are in the moment, but how can I help ease his fears and let him know that I'll be ok?
LO #1 (2/10/05)
Expecting #2 (11/24/12)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: H not on board
Honestly, I would get a doula. The doula will be able to help your DH help you.
Also, I would have a talk with him about how this is not really about HIM. Your body and your decision and he should support you no matter what. Its not like you are doing something crazy dangerous here- you are doing what your body was designed to do.
That was my DH's main concern when I initally brought up natural birth. Even though this is the first for both, he just didn't know that you could have birth without any meds or intervention. It wasn't on his radar at all. The only time that happened was on accident in a car on the way to the hosptial. No one PLANS to do that. lol.
I showed him some YouTube videos and once he saw the woman screaming through transition he said there was no way he was going to "let" me do that.
We watched The Business of Being Born and that completely opened his mind to it. We hired a MW service and doula and being able to talk to them about his concerns has helped immensely.
I think him already deciding that he'll need to be medicated is more likely to assure that he will more than anything else. Seems like he just needs more information so that he can reframe his previous experience and be open to possibilities other than what he knows as fact.
My H felt the same way, and he too has anxiety issues. He was offended when I suggested getting a doula because he thought she was going to be taking his place. I told her his fears about med-free and being replaced, and she addressed them with both of us. After we talked to her, he told me he felt a lot better about everything. I haven't delivered yet, but he and I are on the same page now.
If you think getting a doula is something you're not interested in, you could suggest him getting some anti-anxiety meds?
I second this. H was totally against me having a natural birth and could not fathom why I would want to attempt this. His sister had an epidural ready and waiting when they got to the hospital and that was the only birth scenario he knew, so he couldn't understand why I would want to "suffer" when I could have meds.
Our birth class showed a video of a natural birth, and it really opened his eyes. Both partners were very calm, very collected, and very peaceful. Not at all the screaming, maniacal birth you see on TV.
When the time came around for our turn we both kept it very low key and relaxed. Lots of walking, lots of hugging,/swaying, etc., and I stayed very low throughout contractions. My sil (also a birth support in the room) said she was amazed at how calm I was throughout the process.
I know it was hard on him to see me in pain, especially during the transition/pushing phase, but I think it helped that I was calm and collected throughout the process.
House / Baby blog