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this is really hard

loreeloree
in Multiples
last night i couldn't even carry on a conversation with dh. nothing he could do was right. nothing he could say was right. he came home, i tried to spend an hour with him, but i just hit a wall. i started crying and apologized and said i had to go to bed. the thing is, during the day, i sometimes just don't realize how exhausting this is... and then by the night, i've just had it. i love my girls so much, but this is truly exhausting. i know it will get better at some point. i feel so bad taking it out on him. i almost feel like i should act like everything is okay when he comes home as to not add any stress to either of us. he is the best dad on the planet, thank god, because there is no way i could have continued with the girls last night. :(
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Re: this is really hard

  • iheartderekiheartderek member

    Loree - I wish I had some advice for you... but we go through the same thing here.  I've been doing it longer so I may have a little more perspective... but not too much. 

    I don't think there is anything wrong with being honest about how exhausted you are.  I tell Derek all the time, "I'm tired and I need a break"  sometimes I go to bed early, sometimes I go out in my car and get a frosty from Wendy's.   I just know that the longer I cry and apologize - the worse it makes both of us feel.  There is no reason to be sorry - you're doing the hardest job in the world - times TWO!  It will get easier.  Your girls will start going to sleep earlier and you will have more you time at night - when you need it most. 

    Hang in there.  If you need a break - walk away.  You don't have to stay and pretend that everything is ok - but you shouldn't criticize your husband for everything either.  Hope that helps.  (hugs) - Sarah

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  • OctBaltBrideOctBaltBride
    It will get better I promis!  Right now it is hard b/c I am sure you are not getting a good night sleep and you are still trying to figure out what works.  I swear the thing that kept me sane was I would just constantly say "it won't last forever" and it doesn't.  Soon they will be sleeping long stretches and they will get on on a schedule of some sort.  Twins are a lot of work and some times I don't think people on the outside understand really how much energy goes into taking care of two babies, it is non stop.  Everyone use to say oh just sleep when they do.  Easier said than done!  I had to wash 20 bottles, laundry, shower and clean up when they were sleeping it was the only time I had time to get stuff done.  Try and think of things that might make your life easier.  For instance, I had no time to make a real dinner.  Finally I started getting pre made stuff that I just needed to heat.  Buy the frozen dinners in a bag so you don't have to spend a lot of time on dinner.  I also use to scoop formula and measure out a bunch of bottles the night before.  I would have all the pieces together so I just needed to literally fill them with water.  I also did this with night feedings.  I would put the bottles in the bathroom and when one woke I just filled it with water from the bathroom sink.  This way it stayed dark and I wasn't downstairs with the lights on trying to make bottles.  I guess all of this is irrelevant if you are breast feeding :)!  I tried to think of little things that just would make life easier.  Hang in there!!!
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  • bunny731bunny731 member

    It will get easier....where you are right now was the hardest time I ever had in my life. I look back and think...gosh that was so f**kin hard.

    I remember my DH coming home one night (I think they were about 10 weeks) from work, all cheery and happy and I threw darts at him, then I left the house and went shopping. It felt great.

    Once you get more sleep and the babies can start to entertain themselves for longer bouts the cloud will lift, I promise.

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  • macchiattomacchiatto member
    No advice, but big hugs to you.
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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  • linda98nylinda98ny
    I was just recently remembering last Thanksgiving and how TIRED I was. ?I was barely able to function let alone enjoy the holiday. ?Things have changed SO much and the time goes by fast. ?I PROMISE you it will get better. ?I know that doesn't help now, but Sarah is right. ?When you need a break you HAVE to tell your husband and take one even if it's just getting out for ?coffee by yourself. ?I joined my local MoM's group and found someone who had kids the same time I did and we had lunch a couple of times and just B*&$hed the whole time! ?It was great for blowing off steam. ?Hang in there!!!!!
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  • tripletmomtripletmom

    (((HUGS))) It will get better i promise. Hang in there.

    Just wondering if you had or having any post partum depression. I know that i did and i just felt so overwhelmed. My babies were born around the holdiays and last year i hated to holidays because of the added stress. Finally when my babies where 8 weeks old i went to my doctor and told her how i was feeling and she prescribe and anitdression for me. The work of taking care of my babies was the same, but the meds really made me feel like i could now handle it. I was not on if for very long, but i really made a difference. If you are feeling any of this go and see your doctor.

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  • CarissaACarissaA member

    First of all your girls are beautiful, second it will get better!

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  • NJLHNJLH member
    I commiserate. My girls are 5 weeks. They take turns crying all night. I'm lucky if I get an hour or 2. I cant really nap during the day so I'm running on empty. Hopefully it'll get better soon!
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  • ShainaShaina
    Yes it is.  And like one of the pp's wrote--people do not really understand what it takes to take care of TWO BABIES!   It is not double the work of one, it is QUADRUPLE the work of one.  My girls are just about 4 months old now and it is JUST getting easier/better.  They are sleeping longer stretches and I feel more confident about what they like/dislike and what works/doesn't works.  It is very very hard, tiring, frustrating and non-stop.  It is the biggest blessing but it is hard.  What has helped me actually was going back to work.  Really.  I feel I 'get a break' from the girls and I feel refreshed for them when I get home and on the weekends.  You must tell your DH when you need a break.  Hang in there...I can't even believe I am at the point where I can say this, but, it DOES get better!   (((HUGS)))
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