Latest drama

twinkl5379 · April 2012

Sister-n-law showed up drunk at 2 am last night at my parent's house to vandalize my bro's car. He called the cops and they came but did not arrest her. My dad told them it's his car she's driving, she's been drinking and she hasn't paid the latest note so he wants the keys. (They made the mistake of signing for her a car several years ago).

The police officer ran the tags, and of course, it was in my parent's name, so they forced her to give him the keys. They called her parents to come pick her up.

My bro. went to the police station this morning, and they said there was no record of them coming out last night. So again, my family is trying to stop this and the police aren't helping. My dad is calling the chief of police to figure out what is going on. So this is why I came here...to say what the hell can they do and instead some of you are telling me no one's trying.

Neither my parents nor my bro. have money for a lawyer.

For those that don't believe me, why would I make this up? For those that have offered suggestions, thank you. That is why I've come here.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

After the first time of a police officer not writing up a report they should have started telling the officer that they want a copy of the report and asked when they would be able to receive it. Also, have they been calling 911? Surely there has to be a record of that but I have no idea how to get it. ETA: And Twink, you have been here long enough to know how to contact CPS, not a week goes by without CPS being mentioned on this board. Why would YOU need a board of women to tell YOU to call to protect your neices/nephews? Certainly you are smart enough to come here for advice then you are smart enough to have been reading posts for well over the last year and know to call when you suspect child abuse/endangerment let alone know for a fact. This is not something you should be asking permission for, if those kids are killed in a drunk driving accident or kidnapped and raped when randomly dropped off naked alone with no adult supervision, how will YOU live with yourself knowing that you knew all along?

J&A2008 · April 2012

I want to know where the kids are.

twinkl5379 · April 2012

The kids are with my parents and bro. b/c she works weekends. No, I will say it again, I did not think to call CPS, did not cross my mind. I think to call the police, which is what they have done and I did while I was there.

And to the person who said they'd divorce their spouse if the banking account was only in their spouses's name, the reason it's in my bro's name, it b/c his wife LIED ABOUT PAYING THE HOUSE NOTE. When she was in charge of bills, she lied about paying them. My bro. would find out when they received notices that their house was being foreclosed in the mail.

After bills not being paid, he told her he'd leave if she didn't put her check in his account so the house note could be paid. That sure makes sense to me.

Yes, I think he called 911 last night, which is why I also thought there had to be a report.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

twinkl5379:

The kids are with my parents and bro. b/c she works weekends. No, I will say it again, I did not think to call CPS, did not cross my mind. I think to call the police, which is what they have done and I did while I was there.

And to the person who said they'd divorce their spouse if the banking account was only in their spouses's name, the reason it's in my bro's name, it b/c his wife LIED ABOUT PAYING THE HOUSE NOTE. When she was in charge of bills, she lied about paying them. My bro. would find out when they received notices that their house was being foreclosed in the mail.

After bills not being paid, he told her he'd leave if she didn't put her check in his account so the house note could be paid. That sure makes sense to me.

Yes, I think he called 911 last night, which is why I also thought there had to be a report.

Have YOU called CPS since your last post? If not, WHY? Yes, I am yelling because you now know to call CPS and you know that these children are in danger. Is he planning on handing them back to their Mom tomorrow? Regardless of what he is planning you should call CPS. And if he plans on handing these kids back to their Mom then he is endangering them as much as she is but that is unrelated to your call to CPS to have someone start a file.

Nineoceans · April 2012

I hear you on being unimpressed with the police but at the same time I don't think any of us on the board had money for an attorney but it wasn't an optional thing. You need to get an attorney. Need to. There are kids involved who need protection and need these things documented, if not through the police then through your own counsel

cole2144 · April 2012

If there is no money for a lawyer then why not try legal aid to see if they can help? If you did not think of CPS before why not do it now? You need to start documenting as much as possible whether that be a police report, pictures, or emails. And what is her parents take on all this? If my brother were in this situation my entire family would pitch in for a lawyer if legal aid was unavailable, is that an option in your family. All I know is if those were my children I would sell everything I own to get the money needed for a lawyer to protect them.

Holly_1007 · April 2012

ok so she didn't have the kids all weekend, so there was no need to call CPS because nothing happend to the kids this weekend.

you need to call CPS to start a file

your brother is a complete moron if he gave those kids to her today.

I would love to call CPS on all of you and have those poor children put in foster care.

FutureMrsWittig · April 2012

Your brother actually doesn't need an attorney to file for an order of protection. He can get an emergency order good for 30days, and then a second court appearance is usually required to extend it.

I agree, you should call CPS now and he should NOT return the kids to their mom.

Karma1969 · April 2012

Sometimes it takes a few days to generate a police report. They should haves a complaint number. I still think is either MUD or very Springerish.

fellesferie · April 2012

You keep saying police. Have you tried the sheriff's office? They may not have jurisdiction outside of city limits, but I would try them.

I'd be doing 4 things--

1. Trying the sheriff

2. Calling the police, and ask for the police report. If there is none, tell them that you'll be calling the local paper and news and let them know that a husband is being abused and kids are in danger.

3. Filing a report with CPS

4. Calling around to find an attorney who is affordable. You can try legal aid/local law schools/big firms who might do pro bono stuff.

If you cannot get any answers from law enforcement and a local level, then you need to reach out to whatever state agency oversees the local agencies.

And yeah, I can accept that your brother is so traumatized and maybe paralyzed by this that he can't do anything. But you and your parents need to pick up the slack. Make a list of your ideas, and then call your parents and split up the calls.

FriskyPanda · April 2012

wendilea:
I'm jumping in only for the sake of the kids.
With no custody order, the dad has as much of a right to the children as the mom does. So your brother could and should keep the kids, and then it is on mom to fight to get them back.
In the meantime, he should get an emergency order.
Start a file. Every time the police are called, ask for a copy of the report and/or a report number. Get CPS involved. Be proactive instead of reactive.

All of this. Just don't give the kids back to her. They aren't divorced yet, there is no custody order so he has a right to the kids. I don't remember the ages of the kids, but they should probably get established at the grandparents house with daycare, schools etc to show that it's a stable environment and that dad is taking care of things.

**I should probably mention that I don't condone keeping kids from a biological parent as a general practice, only when the bio parent is unstable.

It doesn't take a lawyer to file for a protective order. Has he been documenting everything? Taking pictures of damage and injuries?

J&A2008 · April 2012

twinkl5379:

And to the person who said they'd divorce their spouse if the banking account was only in their spouses's name, the reason it's in my bro's name, it b/c his wife LIED ABOUT PAYING THE HOUSE NOTE. When she was in charge of bills, she lied about paying them. My bro. would find out when they received notices that their house was being foreclosed in the mail.

The jury's still out on who is the victim here as far as I'm concerned. You don't hear of many battered/abused spouses who control the pursestrings in the family. And it's occuring to me that you're probably only getting your brother's side of the story.

I mean, why and how did he convince his wife to turn over her entire income to him, but he can't reason with her for other big decisions? Counseling, mediation, anger management, family decisions, childcare arrangements????

So far, on the list of things he's protected from his wife: himself, his money, his house, his car... and his children are coming in last.

And any man who avoids "watching" his children by hiding from his wife, whether she's considered mentally unstable by family members or not, is a major d-bag in my book.

blush64 · April 2012

J&A2008:
twinkl5379:

And to the person who said they'd divorce their spouse if the banking account was only in their spouses's name, the reason it's in my bro's name, it b/c his wife LIED ABOUT PAYING THE HOUSE NOTE. When she was in charge of bills, she lied about paying them. My bro. would find out when they received notices that their house was being foreclosed in the mail.

The jury's still out on who is the victim here as far as I'm concerned. You don't hear of many battered/abused spouses who control the pursestrings in the family. And it's occuring to me that you're probably only getting your brother's side of the story.

I mean, why and how did he convince his wife to turn over her entire income to him, but he can't reason with her for other big decisions? Counseling, mediation, anger management, family decisions, childcare arrangements????

So far, on the list of things he's protected from his wife: himself, his money, his house, his car... and his children are coming in last.

And any man who avoids "watching" his children by hiding from his wife, whether she's considered mentally unstable by family members or not, is a major d-bag in my book.

This all seems to make sense. I'm not saying he isn't abused because I wouldn't know but as a person who was in an abuse relationship I assure you when I left, the kids came with me. I couldn't imagine handing my children over every week and willingly giving them back to an abuser each week.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

J&A2008:
twinkl5379:

And to the person who said they'd divorce their spouse if the banking account was only in their spouses's name, the reason it's in my bro's name, it b/c his wife LIED ABOUT PAYING THE HOUSE NOTE. When she was in charge of bills, she lied about paying them. My bro. would find out when they received notices that their house was being foreclosed in the mail.

The jury's still out on who is the victim here as far as I'm concerned. You don't hear of many battered/abused spouses who control the pursestrings in the family. And it's occuring to me that you're probably only getting your brother's side of the story.

I mean, why and how did he convince his wife to turn over her entire income to him, but he can't reason with her for other big decisions? Counseling, mediation, anger management, family decisions, childcare arrangements????

So far, on the list of things he's protected from his wife: himself, his money, his house, his car... and his children are coming in last.

And any man who avoids "watching" his children by hiding from his wife, whether she's considered mentally unstable by family members or not, is a major d-bag in my book.

Damn, how did I not see all of this. Yeah, i have never heard of an abused spouse controling finances. And why the hell would his last concern be the kids? And where is Twink's? Come here for advice and bail? If this is not MUD I sure hope she has not been back bc she is stepping up.

Jessys_Girl · April 2012

twinkl5379:

So this is why I came here...to say what the hell can they do and instead some of you are telling me no one's trying.

Neither my parents nor my bro. have money for a lawyer.

For those that don't believe me, why would I make this up? For those that have offered suggestions, thank you. That is why I've come here.

1) They can call CPS over and over and over. They can keep the kids next time she drops them off for "visitation" with your bro. Just simply don't return them. He is their father, they are still married at this point, there is no custodial interference there, it is then on HER to get a lawyer and fight for custody.

2) If neither your parents or your bro has $$ for a lawyer, I'd suggest they sell SIL's car. Or that they save, save, save, or whatever they need to do to scrape up some. Your Bro needs to file for custody. And honestly, he can go to the court and file all by himself (without a lawyer) but having a lawyer makes it a lot easier.

3) The bolded part: I'm not trying to be a b!tch (but i know you'll see it that way), but people who live in drama like yours and then come on a message board to spread it around like you do, and make excuses like "oh god I hate this drama, but look how I just can't ever get away from it, poor me"--people like that, they do it for the ATTENTION. (which, you're getting a lot of right now, and d*mn me, i'm contributing to it).

Littlejen22:

Have YOU called CPS since your last post? If not, WHY? Yes, I am yelling because you now know to call CPS and you know that these children are in danger. Is he planning on handing them back to their Mom tomorrow? Regardless of what he is planning you should call CPS. And if he plans on handing these kids back to their Mom then he is endangering them as much as she is but that is unrelated to your call to CPS to have someone start a file.

And this! (Especialy the bold/underline part).

And I "DITTO!!!" the pp's who said that your brother has worried about protecting him SELF (by hiding at your parent's house), his MONEY (by making her turn over the account to him), etc and has left his KIDS to suffer their mom's instability. His priorities are all jacked up.

twinkl5379 · April 2012

I?m going to address some of the points here, and then I will not be back. Many of you are in-sensitive and have no regard for human beings. I will not take these infuriating remarks when I came here to ask for suggestions as each time my family has called the police, they are not getting anywhere.

In response to J&A?s comment: This isn?t only my brother?s side of the story. It is from my mom and dad as well. She also talked unbelievably disrespectfully to me, and 2 of my aunts who got on the phone with her when I was in town 2 weeks ago. We were at my grandmother?s house who had just passed away. She continually called my mom harassing her, so my aunts tried to tell her to stop and give our family respect, especially with a death in the family. She went off on my aunts too. She has no respect for anyone.

My mom has not answered her call one time since she treated us that way after my grandma?s death, yet she still texts my mom to say how terrible of a son she has, etc. and calls my dad constantly calling him names, threats, etc. b/c he will not give her the car that is in his name.

It took my brother YEARS to get her check in his bank to pay the bills. But it did absolutely no good b/c she still demanded money and he?d have to give it to her. For example, he?d give $200 so she could go to the grocery store, and she?d come back with clothes and other stuff instead. He admitted it was a useless approach. Now that this is going on, he just gave her her whole paycheck. So believe me he doesn?t ?control the finances? by any means.

What do you mean he can?t reason w/her on childcare arrangements? They have arrangements b/c they work opposite days and the grand parents step in on the days that overlap.

He didn?t take the children from her b/c she has only physically abused him, not them. As I said, she didn?t endanger the children until he?s left her, just over the last 2 weeks. (this was the dropping the kids off incident)

Jesse ? I'm not sure what you mean by saying that I like drama. In fact, this is part of the reason why I live 1,000 miles away from them. There is no drama in my life aside from when my brother calls me complaining about this. And I happened to be involved from the sidelines b/c I was in town 2 wks ago for my grandma?s funeral.

I would actually say that YOU must like drama since you spend so much time reading and commenting on other people's posts. I come here very little and have only come here in the past when I wanted other people's insight. In fact, if I come across a post here that's anything like my bro's situation, I always skip it b/c I'm not interested in drama. I love my simplistic life with my husband and I. And now that this has been going on with my family, I haven't been able to sleep very well and it affects my mood in a negative way. I can only imagine how my bro., kids and parents feel. My bro went to the dr yesterday and his blood pressure was 171. Let me re-state it...I don't like this situation at all. Being constantly worried about my nieces, nephews, and family is not a good feeling at all.

Additionally, I do not have to prove my brother?s story to you all. I was simply looking for suggestions for help as the police apparently don?t care much about domestic violence. And instead you are trying to prove why I am making this up. Really? Honestly, I couldn't make this up if I tried. And if I wanted to make something up, don't you think I would've made stuff up about BM and my own life?

To those who offered real suggestions, thank you. I?ve been doing online research for legal aid, etc. Looks like the problem is that it takes a long time, and you have to make very little income. But there were other suggestions that I?ll keep looking into.

And selling her car is a good idea that my parents are exploring right now. They're so relieved to get the car from her.

twinkl5379 · April 2012

Because I love drama so much... Just hung up the phone with my dad, and my bro. is in the hospital with tonsillitis. He has to have surgery in the morning.

My guess is that his body is under so much stress that his immune system is down. My dad said his entire neck, glands, etc. are swollen and he can't talk b/c it's so painful. They're about to put him on pain medicine.

So my family now has more stress. That's it for the posts from me though; I dont' want to get myself frustrated by the negative comments and questions here when things are already stressful.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

twinkl5379:
Because I love drama so much... Just hung up the phone with my dad, and my bro. is in the hospital with tonsillitis. He has to have surgery in the morning.

My guess is that his body is under so much stress that his immune system is down. My dad said his entire neck, glands, etc. are swollen and he can't talk b/c it's so painful. They're about to put him on pain medicine.

So my family now has more stress. That's it for the posts from me though; I dont' want to get myself frustrated by the negative comments and questions here when things are already stressful.

Emergency tonsillectomy? Seriously? I had chronic tonsillitis for many years and had them out and have never heard of going to the hospital for swollen tonsils.

twinkl5379 · April 2012

Why don't you PM me so I can provide my brother's name and the name of the hospital so you can call and verify?

Yes, what I read is that most cases are in children and clear up fast BUT those that don't respond to medication may require removal. Or in situations where it's affecting your ability to function - which is the case here.

In fact, maybe you can talk to his dr. and tell him he must have it wrong since you had it so long and never had to have surgery.

And it's not just his tonsils that are swollen; it's his entire face.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

twinkl5379:
Why don't you PM me so I can provide my brother's name and the name of the hospital so you can call and verify?

Yes, what I read is that most cases are in children and clear up fast BUT those that don't respond to medication may require removal. Or in situations where it's affecting your ability to function - which is the case here.

In fact, maybe you can talk to his dr. and tell him he must have it wrong since you had it so long and never had to have surgery.

And it's not just his tonsils that are swollen; it's his entire face.

No, I said I had them out and I was 23 when I had the tonsillectomy. My comment was that I never heard of needing an emergency tonsillectomy or needing to visit the Er for tonsillitis. He likely has an absess which would be bacterial, I am sure stress is not helping matters but if antibiotics are not getting rid of a bacterial infection than he either has a strain that is resistant to antibiotics, is on the wrong antibiotic or not taking them correctly, I assume the first and that is not bc of stress.

twinkl5379 · April 2012

Yes, there is an absess in addition to the tonsillitis.

J&A2008 · April 2012

I hope your brother gets better quickly. Perhaps this time in the hospital will be good for him to rest, recharge, and get a clear head on what he needs to do. Hopefully he'll come out of it ready to take care of business and clean up this mess.

We all just want the best for the kids.

Jessys_Girl · April 2012

twinkl5379:

He didn?t take the children from her b/c she has only physically abused him, not them. As I said, she didn?t endanger the children until he?s left her, just over the last 2 weeks. (this was the dropping the kids off incident)

But now she IS endangering the children (by crashing her car into his, by leaving them naked on the front lawn, etc). So now he NEEDS to do something.

twinkl5379:

Jesse ? I'm not sure what you mean by saying that I like drama. In fact, this is part of the reason why I live 1,000 miles away from them. There is no drama in my life aside from when my brother calls me complaining about this. And I happened to be involved from the sidelines b/c I was in town 2 wks ago for my grandma?s funeral.

not true. I can point to a bunch of recent posts where you had some marital drama and where you've had drama with the BM in your situation. So don't try to say you have no drama, every post you write is about some kind of drama.

twinkl5379:

I would actually say that YOU must like drama since you spend so much time reading and commenting on other people's posts.

LOL....and you know so much about how much time I spend here? How about you actually look around. I respond to just a few posts every evening, after my child is in bed, when I am relaxing on the couch. I spend MAYBE an hour online total....and i haven't been around nearly as much lately....so try again.

twinkl5379:

I come here very little and have only come here in the past when I wanted other people's insight.

attention.

twinkl5379: Being constantly worried about my nieces, nephews, and family is not a good feeling at all.

Additionally, I do not have to prove my brother?s story to you all. I was simply looking for suggestions for help as the police apparently don?t care much about domestic violence. And instead you are trying to prove why I am making this up. Really? Honestly, I couldn't make this up if I tried. And if I wanted to make something up, don't you think I would've made stuff up about BM and my own life?

1--the problem is that it's NOT about domestic violence. Your bro left her. He's not being abused now. But the KIDS are. (that's the thing I don't think you are understanding. your bro left his kids to take the abuse he was running from).

2--I am not trying to prove you're making it up. Sure, I don't believe all of what you've said, but that's not the point. The point is that we are trying to get you (and your bro/family) to DO something to protect these children. Instead of calling CPS you're jumping on thebump to fight with internet strangers and call us insensitive.

twinkl5379:

Because I love drama so much... Just hung up the phone with my dad, and my bro. is in the hospital with tonsillitis. He has to have surgery in the morning.

My guess is that his body is under so much stress that his immune system is down. My dad said his entire neck, glands, etc. are swollen and he can't talk b/c it's so painful. They're about to put him on pain medicine.

So my family now has more stress. That's it for the posts from me though; I dont' want to get myself frustrated by the negative comments and questions here when things are already stressful.

So wait, he went to the doctor yesterday and his BP was 171 but they didn't notice or address that his FACE was all swollen from an abcess? And so he had to go to the ER for the abcess, and now is in emergency surgery. And this just all coincidently happens when you are online trying to convince internet strangers that you don't make up crazy drama? Okay.

twinkl5379 · April 2012

Yes he went to the dr on Sunday (minor med open on wknds) b/c he thought it was an ear infection. Dr diagnosed it as such gave abs and ear drops. His face was not swollen at that point, obviously. Didn't get better on Mondautmost he called the dr. But the dr told him it would take 48 hrs ) which is BS. Monday he satd was the worst pain of his life and the swelling started on one side so he thought it was the ear. By Tues. at 5 am my dad said he looked terrible and did he want to go to the er. Bro said wait and go back to the clinic. He went there and the dr said he needed to be admitted to the hospital right away. You better believe that he told the dr the same thing you just said, he, of course, was pissed. So it t got progressively worse.

And if you think I can make all that up, you are crazy.

twinkl5379 · April 2012

Jessys girl why don't you reach out to me via pm so I can send you some documentation about this situation? You are such a mean person and you are such a martyr. You should really think about your attitude rather than being mean to complete strangers on the Internet.

Why would I lie about my brother's health on a blended family board that I have been coming to for 3 years? If you don't remember, I am always honest on this board and I will state when I feel something or something is going on. I'd actually say that one of my greatest strengths is my honesty.

ThePainGame · April 2012

Listen... for your own sake, just call child protective services and try to you brother to get an emergency restraining order set up for the whole family. If you feel those kids might be in danger of being abused physically, please, call CPS. In all honesty, it can't hurt to call CPS and asking THEM what you should do. At the very least, look up a national crisis hotline. Please talk to professionals trained to deal with this, and not some random people on the internet.

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