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Begging you to reconsider

ldooldoo member
in Single Parents

So you mamas who have made the decision to leave:

Did your ex beg you to return? Promise he's a changed man and will love you like you want to be loved...support you...basically promise you the moon?

I hear this is actually the 3rd step in the grief process and that a lot of men do it when faced with divorce.

It breaks my heart knowing I'm breaking his, but the thought of going back with him fills me with dread and panic. And as much as I hate the consequences of divorce (less time with my girls; big changes for them; financial), I'm still very strong in my decision to end the marriage. I don't see how on earth we can magically become the couple we never were for our 12-year relationship. But it's like I'm the evil bad person for giving up.

How did you deal with this, and what did you say to your ex without it continuing to sound cruel??

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Re: Begging you to reconsider

  • achase123achase123

    You don't need to repeat yourself over and over again.  It sounds like you've made your decision and you are confident in it.  Once you've conveyed that to him there's no reason to be a broken record.  He's in denial.

    I dealt with an ex who never got the memo and frankly, still doesn't.  I just ignore him now. 

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  • CowboysWife04CowboysWife04 member
    Yes, he begged me to reconsider and eventually I did right before we signed the divorce papers.  I felt guilty for not giving my girls the 'perfect' life and I was the bad person for leaving etc.  It was last May when I reconsidered and we reconciled.  Things were as he promised for about 3 weeks.  After that 'honeymoon' period of being back together, it went downhill and continued to go bad.  Now, a year later we are going through the divorce process again and having to finalize it all.  I've learned if they couldn't get their act together while you were together (10 yrs for us), they won't get it together just because you're leaving.
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  • DarthNBJenniDarthNBJenni
    Yes, and we did attempt to reconcile about 6 months after I filed for divorce. It's one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I should have used that time to get back on my feet, instead of letting him drag me down further. 

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  • SemperFiPurpleHeartSemperFiPurpleHeart
    I told him not to contact me unless it was questions regarding our DD. It seemed to work after awhile. I ignored all other texts and emails.
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  • freckleface77freckleface77

    After a 4 year split, he came crawling back saying things like.."I made a mistake.. I could never get over you.. you were the love of my life...I abandoned you when you needed me the most but I've changed..I don't drink anymore so my temper is gone.." Blah blah blah. Something told me it was a mistake, but like an idiot I gave him a chance to be in my life again. I was unexpectedly pregnant within a month. During the pregnancy, he started to show his a$$ and I knew he was going right back to the same b.astard he used to be. I still wanted to at least give it a try for the baby though. I asked him to look into getting some help for his anger issues and he said he would so I was hopeful (but he kept putting it off). Once the baby was born, he started showing signs of aggression toward HER and that was IT!!!! Gone!!! I wasn't taking any chances with my baby's safety.

    Actually, I can't really say it was a mistake because obviously my precious angel was meant to be here, and I couldn't be happier to have her! I just wish I could change who her father is.

    ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR GUT!!

    ETA: To address your actual question...he tried a few times to say, again, that he would get some help after our last blow-up...that his heart was broken, etc. So, I let him come around a few times (only to see the baby supervised)  Well, he went off on me in front of the baby, my mother and his...because I told his mom the real reason we aren't together (he lies). Needless to say, there were no kind words to spare his feelings that last time. Haven't seen or spoken to him since...and I hope he never tries to be around us again.

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  • littlelovelololittlelovelolo
    A few times, after XH told me that things could be better, I'm the only one, he'll never love anyone else, he'll never marry anyone else, he'd stop drinking and do whatever it took, etc., I cried and was very upset. Not because I felt bad, but because he was making it difficult for me to move on. My goal since leaving him has been to move on from him completely. When he asked about trying again, I just told him, firmly but gently, "I can't do it. Here are the reasons why I can't take the risk one more time, and why I can't find it in myself to make this work with you."

    Eventually, he and I had a few conversations wherein we discussed what had broken our marriage. He understands where it went wrong for me, and vice versa. Is he still pissed all to hell? Yes. Does he still tell me he dreams about me still being in love with him? Yes? Do I care? No. He's grieving for a marriage that never existed, wanting something that could never happen. I feel sorry for him, I pity the guy. I'm happy now, I'm seeing someone else, and I have managed to start eating better, developing a much closer, understanding relationship with DD, and working through the personal issues that our marriage hid. Best decision I made for the both of us, point blank.
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