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Anxiety about new motions

SigirSigir member
in Blended Families

Ugh, just had to vent I guess.  This weekend, we got two packets in the mail- my cc of our new motion against exh to go for the childcare he has not been paying, and his response to my response for his motion of trying to reduce the child support he pays (does that make sense?).  It was obvious from his response that he did it after he got my motion, because he was extra hostile and copied some of the stylistic things that my lawyer does in our motions (he does this a lot- copies stylistic things from our motions for his responses etc- so I can tell he did it after).

I know I am in the right and can laugh a little about his craziness in his response, but I have to admit that last night I did not sleep well and today I feel distracted by mild anxiety about it.  Mainly because I know he is furious about what was in my motion (I don't think he was expecting it, and we are going for wage garnishment).  And I really hate the idea that it has come to this- I hate that he hates me (even though I know I shouldn't care).

I am also anxious that for the child support lowering one, I have to represent myself on our court date next week- I do not think I need a lawyer for this one (my lawyer concurred with this), but the idea of having to stand up to his ridiculous claims about me makes me nervous.  I prefer having a lawyer do all the talking.  This time I will actually have to talk- and I do public speak all the time for work- but he makes me nervous when he is so angry.

How do any of you deal with anxiety like this?  I wish I was just 100% strong but I guess the baggage will always be with me.  ugh.

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Re: Anxiety about new motions

  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    I'm so sorry. I know how you feel, and how stressful it can be.

    It's been a few years since I had to deal with it, but when we were hammering out our CO, XH turned everything into a custody play. I would ask for him to pay for X, and he would say 'no, and if we go to court, I'm going to ask for full custody.' Or I would try to get CS ordered, and he would say, 'oh, I'm thinking I might want 50/50 custody.' It went on and on like that for months.

    I'd get the email from him with whatever threats or ridiculous assertions, and I'd close my office door and cry. What sucked is that I knew he was trying to take advantage of me, and I knew he wouldn't win if we went to court. But I just couldn't put DS through that and spend the tens of thousands of dollars to win.

    In your case, I think you need to remember that he's just having a tantrum. And like any 2 year old, he'll eventually wear himself out.  

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  • WahooWahoo member

    Do all that you can to prepare for the day when you have to represent yourself.  Make sure you have all of your notes and back-up files, write a "script" on index cards if that will help, etc., and if you need a friend or your mom or someone for moral support, bring them.

    Good luck! 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • CheerileeCheerilee member
    imageWahoo:

    Do all that you can to prepare for the day when you have to represent yourself.  Make sure you have all of your notes and back-up files, write a "script" on index cards if that will help, etc., and if you need a friend or your mom or someone for moral support, bring them.

    Good luck! 

     This!  Sometimes, over-preparing for something like this can work wonders.  You may not end up needing your cards, but at least you have your "list" in case you get flustered.  In the meantime, have some wine and take a hot bath :)  Good luck!  

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  • SigirSigir member

    Thanks for all your support.  I am planning on over-preparing for sure.  The one good thing is that I have learned through experience, in our state the judge issues a preliminary decision before the court date (about 2 days before), so you already know what the judge is thinking before you go in so you know what is going to come up in oral arguments.  It is just so amazing to me some of the claims in the response- exh is just totally fabricating things and twisting things based of transcripts of previous court appearances and trying to say I lied before the court, when reading the transcript it is clear I did not and that he is twisting my words.  

    Someone said to me it might actually feel empowering, because I will be able to talk and the judge won't let exh interrupt me.  I hope that is true.

    all I can say is ugh!   

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    imageSigir:

    Someone said to me it might actually feel empowering, because I will be able to talk and the judge won't let exh interrupt me.  I hope that is true.  

    Exactl, he won't let him interrupt you, bully you, yell at you, or behave obnoxiously.  And if he does, the judge will throw him out.  Hang in there, mama.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • GwenillianGwenillian member
    Judges have to deal with this stuff all the time. If your ex is lying to the court, the judge is very likely to see right through that baloney & rip him a new one. My ex tried that last time too so I completely understand the stress that causes! But it is kind of fun to watch/listen to the judge's response when they catch someone trying to bs them  :0).
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