Thank you lovely ladies

PrettyAccountant · April 2012

Just wanted to say Thank you for your support and incredible kindness.

I spoke with DH and just let out everything I was feeling. I had to tell him that I was so angry at him for not holding the babies at all and here he is already thinking about setting up another IVF cycle? - especially when I told him numerous times that I don't know how much longer he / she will be breathing and is he sure he doesn't want to hold him / her. As many of you very wise women pointed out - men process things very differently. He said he couldn't hold them for a few reasons - 1) he would never want to let go 2) he would break down crying and didn't want to do that in front of me when he thought I needed the support and 3) He wanted me to have as much time with the babies as possible and didn't want to take that away from me.

I think our talk was good but he still wants to jump right in to another IVF cycle as soon as we can. I can't even think about it right now but I am so glad he opened up and let me know what he was feeling. I understand him just a little more now.

Hugs and Love to all

Rachel

lynn0926 · April 2012

I am tearing up reading this. Take all the time you need before moving on. I am glad you and your H disussed this. (((hugs)))

Jackie2200 · April 2012

I'm glad you guys spoke. Keep at it. The only good thing (if there is a good thing) that came from my losing my twins was that DH learned to talk, to really talk with each other. Our marriage was very strong before the loss but it's so much stronger now.

As for jumping into another cycle, I can see where youyr DH is coming from. Luckily, my DH and I were on the same page and were talking about our next IVF cycle before I even delivered the twins. We wanted something else to focus on. That being said, I think it would have served me better to grieve a little longer instead of jumping back in. I barely recovered and I think that my first 2 cycles post-loss failed becasue my mind and body just weren't ready.

One thing that helped us was to take a vacation about a month after our loss. We went to a couples-only all inclusive in Pla.ya del Car.men. It was amazing. It was beautiful and it was hard to be sad when we were drinking margaritas on the beach at 10am. We felt sad when got back, but while we were there, we were just the two of us, like old times. It was a nice break from the sadness and it was nice to know that we were still us, even though we had lost such a large part of us.

MoFree · April 2012

I did not respond to your original post but again want to express how sorry I am for your loss. I am glad you and your DH had a heart to heart. Would the two of you be willing to see a counselor with expertise in grief and loss. You two have suffered a major trauma and it might help your healing and journey to work with a professional who can guide you.

??

BeeBee08 · April 2012

I just wanted to send you some more ((hugs)). I'm so sorry you had to have that conversation, but I'm glad you found some clarity in it.

reb259 · April 2012

lynn0926:
I am tearing up reading this. Take all the time you need before moving on. I am glad you and your H disussed this. (((hugs)))

I was the same way when I read your post. Sometimes we forget about the H/SO because of all we go through...but this is a reminder at least for me to give H a hug tonight and remember he has reasons for his action too.

I am glad you spoke with him. As I said before take your time to grieve/mourn your loss, you will know when you are ready.

Big Hugs!!

jessican08 · April 2012

I'm glad he was able to be open and honest with you ((HUGE HUGS))

Aegis2005 · April 2012

I'm glad to hear you were able to have an open conversation with your husband. Sending continued T&P's that you're able to continue communicating and healing together.

(((hugs)))

theworms · April 2012

i'm glad you talked cutie.

((HUGS))

Edwina.McDunnough · April 2012

Hugs and I'm glad you had a good talk.

Anasara · April 2012

((hugs))

winofairy · April 2012

PrettyAccountant:

Just wanted to say Thank you for your support and incredible kindness.

I spoke with DH and just let out everything I was feeling. I had to tell him that I was so angry at him for not holding the babies at all and here he is already thinking about setting up another IVF cycle? - especially when I told him numerous times that I don't know how much longer he / she will be breathing and is he sure he doesn't want to hold him / her. As many of you very wise women pointed out - men process things very differently. He said he couldn't hold them for a few reasons - 1) he would never want to let go 2) he would break down crying and didn't want to do that in front of me when he thought I needed the support and 3) He wanted me to have as much time with the babies as possible and didn't want to take that away from me.

I think our talk was good but he still wants to jump right in to another IVF cycle as soon as we can. I can't even think about it right now but I am so glad he opened up and let me know what he was feeling. I understand him just a little more now.

Hugs and Love to all

Rachel

This ^^^ has me crying! My heart just breaks for you both!! I will be praying for you both!

dancinaggie · April 2012

I'm so glad the two of you talked, and that he opened up to you. It's hard to know what our DH's are feeling through all of this. I hope you continue healing together, (((Huge Hugs)))!

cookie_queen · April 2012

I'm so glad you guys had a good talk. Men and women grieve very very differently. If you haven't thought about it already I would highly recommend seeing a therapist. Ours was invaluable after losing our boys. We saw her together every other week and I saw her by myself in between. Definitely worth it.

Hang in there sweets. Loss is a never ending bumpy road.

DeputiesWife · April 2012

I am glad that you had a nice talk with your DH. Men do process things differently.

Thinking of you as you take your next steps.

::hugs::

Delta04 · April 2012

I am so very sorry for your loss. I read your previous post and am glad to hear that you and YH are communicating better. I pray for peace, healing and continued understanding between you and YH.

PoeticJustice · April 2012

Glad your DH was able to open up more ((HUGS))

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