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newbie, but need help

bubble515bubble515 member
in Blended Families
 i never posted on here but thats how much upset and worried i am.  i am 18 weeks pregant and long story short my living situation is extremely stressful. i have a parent that lives with us and he will be moving out because of some health (nothing major) but needs to be more local. however, he is making it seem like we are kicking him out to others. these two faced made up stories have been for years and years, but i am now at my rope because its affecting me and my baby. it has been a pattern of im sorry, i wont do it again.....but it never ends.

i have been extremely stressed when i am around this parent..trying to undo the lies that have been told to whoever listens and trying to avoid him as things that are misperceived turns into an argument. tonight was my boiling point and i said no longer speak to me, very angry. i even threw a spatula, which isnt like me:( i am normally a happy person.

i am soooo worried about this poor baby inside of me. the past few days have been bad and as soon as i calm down, something else happens. i am avoiding the situation as best as i can.

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Re: newbie, but need help

  • offbeatmamaoffbeatmama

    That's really tough. I think you need to give this person a deadline for moving out and detach as much as possible. Don't worry about what he is saying to others. Your friends and loved ones know the real you. Don't speak to him. Walk away. It's hard to let go but you need to try for your baby. I had a lot of stress while pregnant with my son and it was hard but in the end I had to remove myself from all of it.

    Does he have a final date for moving out?

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  • bubble515bubble515 member
    was going to be may on his terms, but maybe sooner by ours due to all of this drama and how its impacting me
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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    This is one of the least coherent posts I have seen on here. Who is this person living with you? Your parent? In-law? An ex who is the father of your child???
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  • bubble515bubble515 member
    my parent.   i put that in my post so not sure what you meant.  but hope this gave clarity.
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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    imagebubble515:
    my parent.   i put that in my post so not sure what you meant.  but hope this gave clarity.
    you said I have A parent living with us. Then you refer to this parent and he but you never said your father was loving with you. What exactly is he doing/saying? Who is he talking to? Why are you letting someone else's actions control you do much?
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  • bubble515bubble515 member
    long story short, manipulating situations to look like his kids are at fault.  telling family and friends he is being kicked out by us  rather than moving out  by his choice because of his health needs.    i am stupid that i let this affect me, but it's been for most of my life and now with this baby coming i cant do it anymore.
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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    Then why would you ever let him move in? Kick him out. Now. And if he crow to other people and they want to feel bad for him then so be it. Let them open their homes to him and his drama. And you should get yourself some serious therapy to prevent people from taking advantage of you, to learn how to say no and take control of your life and to learn how to cope with things in a healthy manner that does not involve "stress".
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  • BagelGirlBagelGirl

    imagexmaryrickx:
    Then why would you ever let him move in? Kick him out. Now. And if he crow to other people and they want to feel bad for him then so be it. Let them open their homes to him and his drama. And you should get yourself some serious therapy to prevent people from taking advantage of you, to learn how to say no and take control of your life and to learn how to cope with things in a healthy manner that does not involve "stress".

     I think this is much more harsh than most people would treat a family member.  She said he has health troubles as well so it's most likely not so easy to just kick him out especially if she wants a relationship with him in the future - although with some boundaries now that she knows his game.

     I'd try to set a firm date with your parent.  Then look forward to that date and help with arrangements if necessary.  Try to tune other people out and do some nice things for yourself.  Don't let this steal your happiness.  It will be over soon.

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  • bubble515bubble515 member

    he will be moving out sooner within  the next two weeks, which is helping today.  and i hope to keep a relationship or some form of one.  as a parent, he had it tough as it raised us alone as a young widow. wasnt easy.  however it doesnt give permission to behave this way and treat us this way..  but if a relationship is lost it wasnt on my doing, which i have started to make peace with.  hasnt been easy but im lucky that i have support around me.

    thanks for your help

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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    imageBagelGirl:

    imagexmaryrickx:
    Then why would you ever let him move in? Kick him out. Now. And if he crow to other people and they want to feel bad for him then so be it. Let them open their homes to him and his drama. And you should get yourself some serious therapy to prevent people from taking advantage of you, to learn how to say no and take control of your life and to learn how to cope with things in a healthy manner that does not involve "stress".

     I think this is much more harsh than most people would treat a family member.  She said he has health troubles as well so it's most likely not so easy to just kick him out especially if she wants a relationship with him in the future - although with some boundaries now that she knows his game.

     I'd try to set a firm date with your parent.  Then look forward to that date and help with arrangements if necessary.  Try to tune other people out and do some nice things for yourself.  Don't let this steal your happiness.  It will be over soon.

    I am sorry but a post written about a parent as opposed to referring to him as her father leads me to believe there is little relationship to start with. She said he had health problems and didn't say what or how serious, so without more info. I stand by what I said. The posts are so incoherent they are barely understandable. You (the general you) are to blame for your stress when you let someone else control and manipulate your life if you sit back and let it happen. As I always say, you cannot control anyone else's actions, only your reactions to them. Take control of your life and do what you have to do to make yourself happy.
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