Words of Wisdom: Telling parents about adoption — The Bump
Adoption

Words of Wisdom: Telling parents about adoption

I just need to say this "out loud" here.....I am soo nervous!!!  DH & I have decided that we are moving forward with adoption to build our family.  We told his parents weeks ago but haven't told my parents yet. (I have a better relationship with In-laws than parents; super long story)  Anyway, we are all getting together tomorrow night for dinner so that we can tell my parents.  In-laws are going as support.  We know in our hearts that this is the right path for us right now.  It would just be nice if my mother could just be supportive even if she doesn't agree with what we are doing.

Side note: We have retained an adoption lawyer and we are going to start the process of the homestudy.  Eeekk!! 

image TTC with PCOS since Feb. 07. Currently on a break to save $$ for IUI. Searching for My Mini M&M

Re: Words of Wisdom: Telling parents about adoption

  • Congratulations on your decision!  I don't have any words of wisdom, as we knew our parents would be supportive of whatever decision we made (they knew about our IF struggles previously and we've been very open about everything from the beginning), so it was just a matter of figuring out how to bring it up.  I'm not sure we managed to do it very suavely, but the excitement of the news probably covered up any awkward segue that happened to get us to that point. ;)  Good luck telling your folks!
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  • Congratulations!

    We told my parents first. Well, they already knew we were headed in that direction, so it wasn't any sort of big announcement.

    DH's family was a whole other story. We hadn't breathed a word of our family building plans, and his family is notoriously gossipy and negative about everything. I was convinced MIL was going to react negatively and give us a hard time.

    We were pleasantly surprised. DH told MIL when I wasn't there, and all she asked was why we were adopting. We had experienced IF, so he briefly told her that's one reason we chose adoption. When MIL and I first talked about it, she wanted to focus on my pregnancy losses, but I was purposely upbeat and told her how excited we were to adopt. That turned her right around and she passed the happy news on to the rest of DH's family.

    It also didn't hurt that DH's cousin and his wife had adopted the year before. So it wasn't a totally foreign concept to the family.

    My best words of wisdom will be to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. And to remember that you can't control your parents, but you can control your reaction to them. I'm glad you have supportive people around you :)

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  • I don't really have much to offer but wanted to say good luck. We have told our parents that we were thinking about adopting as they have known about our IF struggles. Both sets of our parents have been supportive but we haven't really told anyone we are for sure adopting yet. We plan to tell our parents and a few close friends/relatives soon then go from there once we are officially waiting.
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  • Congrats on your decision! In some ways I wish we had told our families sooner, when we were first thinking about adoption. We didn't share then because we wanted to be absolutely sure what we were doing and make the decision on our own without anyone's opinions. I think if we had told them earlier, however, that they wouldn't have been so surprised and maybe taken the news better. My dad actually took it really well and was excited (and he didn't even know we were TTC). My mom and esp my MIL seemed to be totally taken by surprise, even though they knew we had trouble TTC. I'm pretty sure they both gasped and said "why?!". The conversations eventually ended well but I was really upset with their reactions (it got much worse before it got better), even though I never expected them to be as excited as we are. If you think that they're going to be really surprised or say something hurtful just ask them to hear you out before they say anything. I was just so upset about 30 seconds into the conversation that I couldn't even really explain things or express how excited we are about it. Hope things go much better for you! That's great that your in-laws will be there for support! 
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  • Congratulations!! I know the feeling. I was super nervous to tell our families, even though I think they knew that we were heading in that direction. I was very pleasantly surprised that EVERY SINGLE family member responded with excitement, and were very happy for us. 

    Hopefully it will work out the same for you!! Good luck :-) 

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