So I went in for a baseline today...(long)

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

(XP from my blog, too long to type twice, lol)

Yesterday K and I decided that we were going to cycle again immediately. I called my clinic and scheduled my baseline for this morning. Of course we know in Rachael-land things don?t always go off as hoped. My ovaries are still too enlarged (um, yeah touching each other large) and there are still large remnants left over (wonderful.) So?the plan when I left the doctor?s office was to start BCPs tonight and then start back up next cycle.

Along the long drive into work, I started thinking about how maybe this was a sign that we should actually wait a little longer. Yesterday I was a little hesitant to jump back in. Excited of course, but in the back of my mind I was really nervous for a multitude of reasons.

In my head I was ok with going forward because I thought ?Hey, odds of getting knocked up have to be better because my body did really well this time around and if we cycled right away, it would still be on course.? Scientific or not, that?s what my mind was thinking. Well, I don?t have the choice in the matter now. So there goes my ?theory? that I was using as a crutch to propel me full steam ahead into the next cycle.

K and I have a lot of summer plans that I would happily still do if I did get pregnant. But maybe I don?t want to worry about having ?too? much fun and excitement. If you saw our concert schedule for the next few months, you?d die. We are going to 14 concerts in a little over 7 weeks time. That?s who we are and what we do in the summer. One thing you?ll never hear me complain about living in Wisconsin is the concerts. Anyway, I?m rambling a tad. Had I gotten pregnant this last time around, none of this would have mattered. But I didn?t. So it does.

SIL isn?t getting married in 2013 anymore, they pushed it back to 2014 to be able to save more money and still have a life during their engagement. With that being the case, I?m not in a rush to get pg so that I am not pregnant at their wedding. Again, it doesn?t ultimately matter if I were pg at their wedding. It would just be nice to not be. Also, if we wait until August to cycle I will still be on summer hours at work. That means I have Friday afternoons off. Of course I can?t predict when I will have a monitoring appt or when the IUI would fall but at least there is a chance I wouldn?t have to take time off of work. My vacation time at work is basically non-existent so what little time I have, I need to plan carefully.

Surprisingly, I?m ok and not sad by today?s appointment. I am relieved in a sense. I have at least a month to decide what to do. I think I need that time. Maybe I will want to go ahead and start again. Maybe I won?t. At least this is my choice. God knows us infertiles hardly ever get a choice in our journey. I might not have had one today but I will in a few weeks and that?s good enough for me. We can make plans?but God laughs when you do that.

theworms · April 2012

i'm glad you're ok and you sound pretty positive. sorry about the large ovaries

BeeBee08 · April 2012

Sorry your appointement didn't go as planned, but happy to hear that you're okay with the extra "thinking" time...I hope you are able to cycle again as soon as you're ready! (hugs)

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

Thanks Worms & BeeBee. I really am ok. I think another thing that helps is that I know we will be at the max we can spend with this next cycle (FSA money will be gone and we will have used money out of savings). If we try again right away and we walk away empty handed (again), that's it for us for a while (at the very least until 2013 when we'd get more flex money). In this sense, I can recoup emotionally for a few months and if that cycle didn't work, it wouldn't be such a long wait to try again. Of course it sucks having to plan for yet another disappointment but that's the nature of the beast.

winofairy · April 2012

theworms:

i'm glad you're ok and you sound pretty positive. sorry about the large ovaries

Ditto this ^^^

Anasara · April 2012

I get it. I'm on your wavelength so far as taking some "me/us" time before cycling again. Would I like to pregnant RIGHT NOW? Yes. But will taking a few cycles off make a bit of difference @ this point? No. So we're going to Europe next month & to my grandma's time share on Cape Cod in July. Because I'm sick of putting life on hold for a child that may never come. We need to be us. You go to concerts, I go on trips & we're both happier for it. IF has taught me the old addage is true: we plan, God laughs.

Edwina.McDunnough · April 2012

Wishing you the best.

katib77 · April 2012

Glad you are at peace with the plans. We're in the same boat if this IUI doesn't work for me; we'll have to take a few months off to have enough savings plus what little is left in our HSA. And if that doesn't work, then wait until 2013 rolls around for the HSA to fill back up again. It sucks, but at the same time it gives you months to just be you. It sounds like you'll be having tons of fun with all the concerts, so enjoy them!!

mm29 · April 2012

I'm sorry your ovaries are still swollen! I have my fingers crossed that everything works out for you!

Sunshine05 · April 2012

Glad you sound so at peace with your break. I know you've been on forced breaks and those suck big-time, so I'm sure it's nice to kind of plan this one and just take the summer off to enjoy it! Certainly sounds like you guys will be busy enough! Hope the ovaries cool down for you soon! Zombie hugs! Left Hug

cookie_queen · April 2012

I'm glad you're doing okay with the setback. It sounds like you have a lot to look forward to.

Hope those ovaries shrink quickly!

reb259 · April 2012

Sounds like a fun summer... Like the others said setbacks are usually so irritating, I am glad you are ok!

Hugs!

DeputiesWife · April 2012

Sunshine05:
Glad you sound so at peace with your break. I know you've been on forced breaks and those suck big-time, so I'm sure it's nice to kind of plan this one and just take the summer off to enjoy it! Certainly sounds like you guys will be busy enough! Hope the ovaries cool down for you soon! Zombie hugs!

this.

and here's to shrinking ovaries.

and have a blast at the concerts!

PS -- if the goo goo dolls ever tour again. we will go together, k?

Roxie5739 · April 2012

mm29:
I'm sorry your ovaries are still swollen! I have my fingers crossed that everything works out for you!

Ditto to this!

Sunshine05 · April 2012

DeputiesWife:
PS -- if the goo goo dolls ever tour again. we will go together, k?

I've seen the goo goo dolls on tour with counting crows... I'm always up for a little dizzy up the girl!

abvernon · April 2012

Sounds like a blessing in disguise!

Hey, we can be cycle buddies for August/September!!

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

Sunshine05:
DeputiesWife:

PS -- if the goo goo dolls ever tour again. we will go together, k?

I've seen the goo goo dolls on tour with counting crows... I'm always up for a little dizzy up the girl!

I was telling DW earlier that I would still leave K for Johnny, lol. I love me some Goo! My favorite concert was GGD opening for the Stones.

And um, absolutely DW!

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

Anasara:

We need to be us. You go to concerts, I go on trips & we're both happier for it. IF has taught me the old addage is true: we plan, God laughs.

I wanna go on trips...pack me in your suitcase, k? Stick out tongue

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

Sunshine05:

I am deranged. I am picturing you and me throwing my namesake back and forth based on this emoticon. lmao.

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

abvernon:

Sounds like a blessing in disguise!

Hey, we can be cycle buddies for August/September!!

Absolutely! I look forward to it!

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

katib77:
Glad you are at peace with the plans. We're in the same boat if this IUI doesn't work for me; we'll have to take a few months off to have enough savings plus what little is left in our HSA. And if that doesn't work, then wait until 2013 rolls around for the HSA to fill back up again. It sucks, but at the same time it gives you months to just be you. It sounds like you'll be having tons of fun with all the concerts, so enjoy them!!

Here's to hoping you wont have to worrry about it because you got a bfp!

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

To all my other well wishers and supporters, thank you again for your love and support. It's part of the reason I am doing as well as I am. Love and hugs to you all!

njohnson1972 · April 2012

I am still trying to picture your touching ovaries! Ouch!!

Sunshine05 · April 2012

Rachael07.07.07:
Sunshine05:

I am deranged. I am picturing you and me throwing my namesake back and forth based on this emoticon. lmao.

You are deranged. lol

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

Sunshine05:
Rachael07.07.07:

Sunshine05:

I am deranged. I am picturing you and me throwing my namesake back and forth based on this emoticon. lmao.

You are deranged. lol

Hey - you are the one who started the baby tossing Wink

And that's why you love me.

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

njohnson1972:
I am still trying to picture your touching ovaries! Ouch!!

Yeah, when she said it I was like "huh, how?!" Then I sat up with the lovely vag cam still inserted and looked for myself. Sureasshit they were. The right one is halfway on top of the left one.

XV11Star · April 2012

Do you get the feeling that God gets lots of laughter fodder with us infertiles? :-P

I am glad you got the break you didn't realize you need. Really hoping it gives you some breathing room and clarity for moving forward and having the perfect cycle.

Rachael07.07.07 · April 2012

katyj25:
Rachael07.07.07:

katib77:
Glad you are at peace with the plans. We're in the same boat if this IUI doesn't work for me; we'll have to take a few months off to have enough savings plus what little is left in our HSA. And if that doesn't work, then wait until 2013 rolls around for the HSA to fill back up again. It sucks, but at the same time it gives you months to just be you. It sounds like you'll be having tons of fun with all the concerts, so enjoy them!!

Here's to hoping you wont have to worrry about it because you got a bfp!

Totes hijacking your thread. Hi love! Just wanted to send you more hugs!

Also, had I totally known that you and katib77 knew each other, I would have invited you to our gtg last Saturday! I swear next time I am dragging you along.

:::waves goodbye:::

You have no idea the amount of times I've gone home in the last 2.5 months. Like, half of all the weekends I've been home, lol. Insanity I tell you.

Anyway...drinks soon? I'm sorry to say but I'm glad I bailed on dinner last week with you and S. I really, really would not have been up to it.

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So I went in for a baseline today...(long)

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