Assuming Natural Birth is a Fantasy (Vent)

mrsj0423 · April 2012

It annoys me to no end when we tell someone that we are planning a med free natural birth and they respond with "Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts once your actually in labor". Sure I'm a FTM and have never been through L&D before, but I DO have the confidence and strength of mind to have the birth experience MH and I desire. It's usually women who have had a medicated birth that seem to be the ones in disbelief of the possibility. It's kind of sad in a way, because many of them had med births because they convinced themselves that they "couldn't" do it without and so, believe that I will not be able to do it. I am not knocking those who chose pain meds, I just feel like so many women don't even give the thought of natural birth a chance. End vent. Thanks for hearing that out.

nosoup4u · April 2012

mrsj0423:
It's usually women who have had a medicated birth that seem to be the ones in disbelief of the possibility. It's kind of sad in a way, because many of them had med births because they convinced themselves that they "couldn't" do it without and so, believe that I will not be able to do it. I am not knocking those who chose pain meds, I just feel like so many women don't even give the thought of natural birth a chance. End vent. Thanks for hearing that out.

You're not knocking someone when you feel sorry for them because chose an epidural? What if some women just didn't want to go med-free?

If that's what you say to someone in IRL, no wonder they diss you.

jessandandy09 · April 2012

It really frustrates me too when I hear women that only tell horror stories, or that knock the possibility of a natural birth. Like you I have no problem with people choosing to have their baby their way (med or no) but why try to scare others into "needing" meds? I was very lucky that my mom was a med-free advocate and had told me since I was young about me and my sisters birth stories. This helped set me up the first time for a med-free birth, and after knowing I could do it the first time I did it the second time too. It is my plan again.

mrsj0423 · April 2012

nosoup4u:
mrsj0423:
It's usually women who have had a medicated birth that seem to be the ones in disbelief of the possibility. It's kind of sad in a way, because many of them had med births because they convinced themselves that they "couldn't" do it without and so, believe that I will not be able to do it. I am not knocking those who chose pain meds, I just feel like so many women don't even give the thought of natural birth a chance. End vent. Thanks for hearing that out.
You're not knocking someone when you feel sorry for them because chose an epidural? What if some women just didn't want to go med-free?
If that's what you say to someone in IRL, no wonder they diss you.

I don't feel sorry for anyone who chooses to have an epi, that's not what i'm saying. What I am saying is that it's kind of sad when a woman feels that she "can't" have a med free birth. And to assume that a natural birth is just a fantasy and that I will change my mind once labor begins is annoying to me, that's what I was saying. Sorry if my post was confusing.

jessandandy09 · April 2012

nosoup4u:

mrsj0423:
It's usually women who have had a medicated birth that seem to be the ones in disbelief of the possibility. It's kind of sad in a way, because many of them had med births because they convinced themselves that they "couldn't" do it without and so, believe that I will not be able to do it. I am not knocking those who chose pain meds, I just feel like so many women don't even give the thought of natural birth a chance. End vent. Thanks for hearing that out.

You're not knocking someone when you feel sorry for them because chose an epidural? What if some women just didn't want to go med-free?

If that's what you say to someone in IRL, no wonder they diss you.

#1 you are not making your point very well pp.

#2 you did not read the sentence properly. The OP stated that she feels sad because after choosing it themselves "they did not believe that she would be able to"

aylafsu88 · April 2012

jessandandy09:
It really frustrates me too when I hear women that only tell horror stories, or that knock the possibility of a natural birth. Like you I have no problem with people choosing to have their baby their way (med or no) but why try to scare others into "needing" meds?

I totally agree! It seems like everyone wants to scare a FTM with horror stories about birth and how difficult it will be. I know that there are difficult births and ones that need medical intervention but there are also lots of positive natural birth experiences!! Whenever I mention attempting a natural unmedicated birth I always get the response "Just wait till your first contraction, then you will be yelling for an epidural!"

nicolemarie517 · April 2012

i get sooo sick of this too! especially when men tell me i wont be able to handle it. we are also planning on using cloth diapers and people love to tell me how much ill hate that too.
im willing to take my chances with both

sschwege · April 2012

That is hard, I know! If it really bothers you just start giving them sort of a vague answer, "We'll see when the time comes." Either that or if you are as stubborn as I am, just think to yourself, "I'll show you!"

Tash13 · April 2012

Honestly just try to shrug them off! I know it can be tough but staying positive really helps. I kept reaffirming my goal by reading natural bith stories, watching videos, etc. to arm myself with the knowledge that they're wrong and it can be done. Every woman is different. Maybe they didn't think it was possible for them but you know what you're capable of and that's all that matters for your birth experience.

Bonidiebabe · April 2012

nicolemarie517:
i get sooo sick of this too! especially when men tell me i wont be able to handle it. we are also planning on using cloth diapers and people love to tell me how much ill hate that too.
im willing to take my chances with both

This : )

blonddnyc · April 2012

what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different. I think that is what i find the most disheartening, to just go along with what other people say or do instead of educating yourself and taking charge of your own birth.

FyreFlyeRush · April 2012

sschwege:
That is hard, I know! If it really bothers you just start giving them sort of a vague answer, "We'll see when the time comes." Either that or if you are as stubborn as I am, just think to yourself, "I'll show you!"

This is me...and I did show them. I don't think badly of any woman who chooses pain meds. But, don't sit there and tell me I can't or that I don't know what that pain is like. Yeah, actually I do. I've done it before.

nosoup4u · April 2012

mrsj0423:
nosoup4u:
mrsj0423:
I don't feel sorry for anyone who chooses to have an epi, that's not what i'm saying. What I am saying is that it's kind of sad when a woman feels that she "can't" have a med free birth. And to assume that a natural birth is just a fantasy and that I will change my mind once labor begins is annoying to me, that's what I was saying. Sorry if my post was confusing.

But how do you know they feels like they "can't" give birth without an epidural? Did they tell you that she attempted med-free, and it didn't work? Some women just aren't interested in going through labor med-free.

nosoup4u · April 2012

blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different. I think that is what i find the most disheartening, to just go along with what other people say or do instead of educating yourself and taking charge of your own birth.

Oh, FFS. Were you in the room with her during birth? Does she know you feel sorry for her for being stupid enough to end up with a c-section? It's not cool to blame individual women for not educating themselves - women ending up with unnecessary c-sections is a symptom of a broken maternity system, not proof that 30% of our population is stupid. We should be able to trust our providers without having to spend nine months researching which provider won't screw us over.

I really hope you have a picture-perfect birth, because it'll suck to blame yourself for a c-section. I did everything "right", and I still ended up with a c-section that might have been prevented.

stahlop · April 2012

blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different. I think that is what i find the most disheartening, to just go along with what other people say or do instead of educating yourself and taking charge of your own birth.

This is what makes me sad as well. People spend so much time researching car seats and cribs, etc., but they don't research about birth. Go ahead and get and epidural or a csection, just do the research first and then make the decision that you feel is best for your birth. Just don't blindly follow what everyone else tells you.

iris427 · April 2012

nosoup4u:
blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different. I think that is what i find the most disheartening, to just go along with what other people say or do instead of educating yourself and taking charge of your own birth.
Oh, FFS. Were you in the room with her during birth? Does she know you feel sorry for her for being stupid enough to end up with a c-section? It's not cool to blame individual women for not educating themselves - women ending up with unnecessary c-sections is a symptom of a broken maternity system, not proof that 30% of our population is stupid. We should be able to trust our providers without having to spend nine months researching which provider won't screw us over.
I really hope you have a picture-perfect birth, because it'll suck to blame yourself for a c-section. I did everything "right", and I still ended up with a c-section that might have been prevented.

THANK YOU. FFS is right.

Kitttkattt · April 2012

I am a pain meds and epidural person all the way, I had 2 failed epidurals, at my first birth and at my last birth. I couldn't have iv pain meds at the last birth because the baby's heart rate was a little borderline, and I didn't want to risk it. At the first one I had iv pain meds after the failed epidural and they did nothing. So I felt everything, and it's very do able. And millions of women all over the world go natural cuz theres no doctors, hospitals epidurals or even meds where they live. Women who think it can't be done without an epidural have a limited world view, it's done countless times a time either by choice or necessity.

Ziegeficker · April 2012

I know how you feel, and it's insulting. I am early into my first (viable) pregnancy, so I'm just now starting to seriously think about birth. I'm still in the scared sh!tless phase, and when I tell people that I'm aiming for a natural birth, their lack of confidence in my ability to do it not only insults and hurts me, but it makes me question my own ability...which is unfortunate, considering I'm trying to build that up at the moment. I've decided that I'm probably going to stop telling people my birth plan at least until I have more confidence in myself. And even then, maybe that's just going to be another pregnancy-related thing I keep to myself.

Ziegeficker · April 2012

blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different. I think that is what i find the most disheartening, to just go along with what other people say or do instead of educating yourself and taking charge of your own birth.

I think the sadder thing about this is that OBs don't tend to provide a wide spectrum of information and birthing options to their patients, not that patients aren't seeking it out on their own. We tend to trust doctors, and when they say something is medically necessary, we believe them. A lot of women do research the effects of pitocin, epidurals, whatever, but I really believe this is information doctors should be providing and discussing openly with their patients long before labor begins. And some doctors do. But I think the lack of discussion about your options promotes a level of distrust between patient and doctor that doesn't need to be there.

blonddnyc · April 2012

nosoup4u:
blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different. I think that is what i find the most disheartening, to just go along with what other people say or do instead of educating yourself and taking charge of your own birth.
Oh, FFS. Were you in the room with her during birth? Does she know you feel sorry for her for being stupid enough to end up with a c-section? It's not cool to blame individual women for not educating themselves - women ending up with unnecessary c-sections is a symptom of a broken maternity system, not proof that 30% of our population is stupid. We should be able to trust our providers without having to spend nine months researching which provider won't screw us over.
I really hope you have a picture-perfect birth, because it'll suck to blame yourself for a c-section. I did everything "right", and I still ended up with a c-section that might have been prevented.

I do know for a fact thats what happened, she told me word for word, why would i doubt her? and yes, i did tell her that i felt sorry for her situation, i compared it to a rape - when you lose all control and no longer have informed choice. but i never once blamed her for it. i understand that the doctors should provide this information, i know that the maternity system is in the crapper - but i know that from reading, researching, seeking out the information that ISNT given at the doctors office. but im the type of person to do that, and my friend isnt, shes trusting and just goes along with whatever the dr says. its a shame they dont disclose this up front, and as a PP said its also a shame that ppl research car seats and things more then birth.

iris427 · April 2012

blonddnyc:
nosoup4u:
blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different. I think that is what i find the most disheartening, to just go along with what other people say or do instead of educating yourself and taking charge of your own birth.
Oh, FFS. Were you in the room with her during birth? Does she know you feel sorry for her for being stupid enough to end up with a c-section? It's not cool to blame individual women for not educating themselves - women ending up with unnecessary c-sections is a symptom of a broken maternity system, not proof that 30% of our population is stupid. We should be able to trust our providers without having to spend nine months researching which provider won't screw us over.
I really hope you have a picture-perfect birth, because it'll suck to blame yourself for a c-section. I did everything "right", and I still ended up with a c-section that might have been prevented.

I do know for a fact thats what happened, she told me word for word, why would i doubt her? and yes, i did tell her that i felt sorry for her situation, i compared it to a rape - when you lose all control and no longer have informed choice. but i never once blamed her for it. i understand that the doctors should provide this information, i know that the maternity system is in the crapper - but i know that from reading, researching, seeking out the information that ISNT given at the doctors office. but im the type of person to do that, and my friend isnt, shes trusting and just goes along with whatever the dr says. its a shame they dont disclose this up front, and as a PP said its also a shame that ppl research car seats and things more then birth.

But you ARE blaming her, right in this post. You basically said she had a c/s because she did not educate herself and instead followed her doctor's advice. And you are criticizing the way she chose to approach her medical care during pregnancy and childbirth.

nosoup4u · April 2012

blonddnyc:
I do know for a fact thats what happened, she told me word for word, why would i doubt her? and yes, i did tell her that i felt sorry for her situation, i compared it to a rape - when you lose all control and no longer have informed choice. but i never once blamed her for it. i understand that the doctors should provide this information, i know that the maternity system is in the crapper - but i know that from reading, researching, seeking out the information that ISNT given at the doctors office. but im the type of person to do that, and my friend isnt, shes trusting and just goes along with whatever the dr says. its a shame they dont disclose this up front, and as a PP said its also a shame that ppl research car seats and things more then birth.

Wut? You totally blamed her, it's right there in your first post:

blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different.

You are blaming your friend for her c/s, and that shiz ain't cool...a woman should be able to trust that her provider really does have her best interest at heart, even if she doesn't do a lick of "research" while she's pregnant. The system is what's broken.

Is it too bad that some women don't research labor and birth while pregnant? It's not really anyone else's business to judge someone for it. Is it why 30% of us are having c-sections? Nope.

This entire thread is full of smug pregnant ladies who think they are SO informed that they'll escape unnecessary interventions, bc they've done their "research". Some women just aren't interested in going med-free, or doing research about birth options! Which is fine! But doesn't mean they "deserve" to have crappy things happen to them, which is what a lot of the posts on here are implying.

Med-free birth is not the be-all, end-all of how to give birth to a healthy baby.

iris427 · April 2012

nosoup4u:
blonddnyc:
I do know for a fact thats what happened, she told me word for word, why would i doubt her? and yes, i did tell her that i felt sorry for her situation, i compared it to a rape - when you lose all control and no longer have informed choice. but i never once blamed her for it. i understand that the doctors should provide this information, i know that the maternity system is in the crapper - but i know that from reading, researching, seeking out the information that ISNT given at the doctors office. but im the type of person to do that, and my friend isnt, shes trusting and just goes along with whatever the dr says. its a shame they dont disclose this up front, and as a PP said its also a shame that ppl research car seats and things more then birth.
Wut? You totally blamed her, it's right there in your first post:

blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different.

You are blaming your friend for her c/s, and that shiz ain't cool...a woman should be able to trust that her provider really does have her best interest at heart, even if she doesn't do a lick of "research" while she's pregnant. The system is what's broken.
Is it too bad that some women don't research labor and birth while pregnant? It's not really anyone else's business to judge someone for it. Is it why 30% of us are having c-sections? Nope.
This entire thread is full of smug pregnant ladies who think they are SO informed that they'll escape unnecessary interventions, bc they've done their "research". Some women just aren't interested in going med-free, or doing research about birth options! Which is fine! But doesn't mean they "deserve" to have crappy things happen to them, which is what a lot of the posts on here are implying.
Med-free birth is not the be-all, end-all of how to give birth to a healthy baby.

I love this post. Yes

Lou&Beth · April 2012

I feel the same way, always getting that "advice" from someone who never had a natural birth or had any type of education on natural birth. It really is frustrating to get these responses from people who don't really know what they're talking about. I think it is largely a cultural thing in America that women believe all births are painful and can't be done without medication. I know especially from being on this board that there are women out there that feel very strongly about natural birth, but I think far too many leave the decision completely up to their doctor's suggestions. I am reading Childbirth Without Fear and would highly recommend it to you because it has a lot to do with that mentality vs the truth of natural childbirth. Although it is very sad to see that this was the mentality that long ago and unfortunately efforts haven't been made to increase the general population's knowledge about natural childbirth.

Lou&Beth · April 2012

nosoup4u:
blonddnyc:
I do know for a fact thats what happened, she told me word for word, why would i doubt her? and yes, i did tell her that i felt sorry for her situation, i compared it to a rape - when you lose all control and no longer have informed choice. but i never once blamed her for it. i understand that the doctors should provide this information, i know that the maternity system is in the crapper - but i know that from reading, researching, seeking out the information that ISNT given at the doctors office. but im the type of person to do that, and my friend isnt, shes trusting and just goes along with whatever the dr says. its a shame they dont disclose this up front, and as a PP said its also a shame that ppl research car seats and things more then birth.
Wut? You totally blamed her, it's right there in your first post:

blonddnyc:
what saddens me is women who do not educate themselves before hand... this happened to my very best friend. she just went along with whatever her OB said... as soon as she didnt progress it was pitocin, then fetal distress then c-section. she didnt know enough to know any better or different.

You are blaming your friend for her c/s, and that shiz ain't cool...a woman should be able to trust that her provider really does have her best interest at heart, even if she doesn't do a lick of "research" while she's pregnant. The system is what's broken.
Is it too bad that some women don't research labor and birth while pregnant? It's not really anyone else's business to judge someone for it. Is it why 30% of us are having c-sections? Nope.
This entire thread is full of smug pregnant ladies who think they are SO informed that they'll escape unnecessary interventions, bc they've done their "research". Some women just aren't interested in going med-free, or doing research about birth options! Which is fine! But doesn't mean they "deserve" to have crappy things happen to them, which is what a lot of the posts on here are implying.
Med-free birth is not the be-all, end-all of how to give birth to a healthy baby.

Yeah the system is broken, and that's why women need to educate themselves because some doctors just do what's easy for them and are greedy and they get more money for doing c-sections. Not every c-section is unnecessary, but it is unfortunate for women to walk away from their birth experience wondering if they did the right thing and often regretting many decisions they made to do what the doctor suggested in the moment. Many women I know have told me they hated the birth experience they had with their first child because they didn't do enough to educate themselves before labor. They admit their fault. I think it is completely ignorant to turn over complete blind trust to ANYONE, not just doctors. We are all free thinking adults and should formulate our own opinions based on facts and research, not just on what one doctor tells you.

beh3e · April 2012

It really is a confidence buster when people burst into laughter or exclaim in disbelief when I talk about my desire for natural childbirth. I mean really, it's kind of rude. I just makes you feel like it's a big joke. How could you ever do it naturally when so many people think the prospect is laughable? But also, I have the anxiety that even though I've done my research and reach medicine journals and looked up the latest of the latest on different procedures, I know when it comes down to it that this person (the doctor) has been studying medicine for almost half my lifetime. And even when I really feel like what I believe is correct, how can I be 100% sure that my knowledge that I've accumulated in the last few months be more correct than this doctor that's made a profession of it? I just don't want to make a decision that I believe in and it end up hurting my baby because I didn't really know as much as I thought I did. :-/

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