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September 2012 Moms
monksmama
member
Do I have unrealistic expectations with OBs?!? (2+ mamas?)
monksmama
member
I went to my first appointment at a new OB today and left in tears. I just can't decide if I just keep running into awful providers or if I just have unrealistic expectations.
With my first I used the same OB/GYN I always went to. I liked them just fine, but I ended up with a not-really-necessary C/s at 38 weeks due to the OBs convenience. I was young and really naive.
With kid 2, I swore I wouldn't let that happen again and went switched to a MW. I had a health issue while she was on an extended vacation and she had no back-up. She handled the whole thing really poorly, and I found out she had a pending suit against her, so I switched again. I ended up at the greatest OB ever. I loved him and had a great VBAC.
With this one, great OB moved to CA. His office is awful. They go through OBs like water and I have to jump through hoops to get any test results at all. I'm also trapped in the waiting room for at least an hour before every appt.
So today I go to new OB. The hospital they are affiliated with has the best VBAC rate in the state and I was really excited to meet them.
I spent 1 hour and 45 minutes in the waiting room. I was even bumped for the very pregnant, very unhappy woman who had the appt after me. I finally told the receptionist I had two kids with a sitter and could not spend the entire afternoon sitting there, she offered me an appt tomorrow but I refused to spend another afternoon sitting there! She told me it would be another 10 -30 minutes but that the DR was a chatty cathy.
After 2! hours I finally meet the OB. She looked over my paperwork and was not happy I didn't have my records sent over. I explained I wasn't comfortable going through all that until I knew we were on the same page for delivery.
(My state is really stuck in the dark ages when it comes to birth. Being a VBAC'er it is 10x worse. I don't want to get stuck with an OB that claims to support VBACs and then tries to induce me or section me the second I hit 39 weeks)
I asked about VBACs and was told 'oh yeah, we do a lot of those.' I also asked about the fact that at 18 weeks and only very slightly overweight, I still haven't gained any weight and really aren't showing. She asked if I ate, I said 'of course' and she said 'well don't worry.' She used the oldest doppler I have ever seen and took forever to find the HB I find pretty easily at home. I told her about some concerns I had about the anatomy scan and she blew me off with 'I'm talking to the wrong people" and they would call if there was anything concerning.
She was out the door after less than 5 minutes and telling me twice to send my records.
I am just so freaking sick of feeling like an inconvenient insurance payment. Is it so ridiculous that I would like to be able to have some faith in the person that is in control of this process, that I would like to get an idea of a provider's philosophy before trusting them with my baby? Jeez, I don't expect her to take me to dinner - but is it really unrealistic to expect a bit of an introduction before having to sign everything over?
Am I insane to think that an appointment time is the actual time I will have a freaking appointment?!?!
And for the love of all things holy, why in the world can I not have access to test results for tests done on my body or my baby that I am paying for?
Do I just need to suck it up and accept that this is how OB care is? (I know I belong in a birth center or a home birth but as a VBAC'er in my state that just isn't possible.)
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Re: Do I have unrealistic expectations with OBs?!? (2+ mamas?)
Personally, I dont think youre expectations are off, I think what you have gone through is ridiculous!
Id say see if you can find another OB, I am all about the bed side manner and doctors listening and giving me straight answers and you are definatly not geting this. You have every right to know your results of any test done on you and your child(ren).
Keep looking hun and Im so sorry you have gone through such a disaster with doctors! that is horrible!!
We rotate through Drs at my office, and I hate the one OB. Just like your experience. Then I had an appt with the new doctor there, and she was amazing!!! I asked about all the blood tests at the beginning and the urine test every week, and she had my DH sit up on the table with me so we could both see her portable computer and she went through every single urine test, everything the first round of bloodwork looked at, everything. And she kept the doppler on for more than five minutes to "see if we can hear a kick" while the bad doctor listened for all of ten seconds. Needless to say I asked not to see the jerk again!
You deserve to be listened to and to feel respected as a patient. No matter how busy they are. You should not feel bad about expecting that from your OB.
amen. You are getting the short stick when it comes to OBs and that's unfair. You deserve to find someone that you are happy and comfortable with. I sometimes wait 30-45 mins for my appt but my OB has his own practice and the staff is really polite and apologetic about it. 2 hours is ridiculous IMHO.
DD2 October 2010
DS September 2012
I love my OB...he's a 6'6" black man with the BEST bedside manner I have ever experienced. He promised to deliver DD, but when she came almost 3 weeks early (and right before Thanksgiving) he was on vacation. Our back-up OB (just in case my OB couldn't be there) was one of DH's friends who was in his last year of his residency...he was also on vacation. I got stuck with a b!tch! She had NO bedside manner and questioned my nurse when she told her DD was crowning. SERIOUSLY...BELIEVE THE NURSE! This time around I request my amazing doctor every visit and at my first visit I made sure that he was NOT going out of town during the month of September!
Good Luck on your search!
Honestly I dont think you are being unrealistic. It sounds like you have had some bad experiences with care providers and its reasonable to want to avoid that with this baby. I find that my midwives are FAR more open to my wishes and requests than my OB/midwife with my son was. I might recommend trying another midwife at a birthing center with good recommendations from friends if you can. I think you will find most midwives to be far more accomadating and caring than the OB's I have used ever were. I find most ob's too militant and egotistic for my taste.
Good luck finding someone you trust mama. And 2 hours! That's insane! I waited about 40 minutes for my midwife at my last appointment which was a bit longer than usual. But she also then spent an hour with me chatting, answering my questions, and discussing care decisions.
You aren't at all being ridiculous!
As far as the midwife/birth center thing goes, even after a successful VBAC you still aren't a good candidate? The accredited birth center near me can't do 1st VBACs, but after that first one it is fine. The unaccredited one near me does VBACs and I talked to a midwife about mine but decided for financial reasons to go with my doctor (whom I love) this time. I'm sorry you ended up with a bad midwife the first time, but hopefully you could find a more reputable one in your area.
Beyond that, I would suggest trying to find a family practice doctor who does birth. Again, you should be a much better candidate since you aren't a primary VBAC. If there is a local ICAN chapter or other type of c-section support group, you could ask them for a good recommendation.
I started my first pregnancy going to an OB like the ones you've seen. I'd wait forever (while paying for parking at $10 an hour) to be whisked in, my questions brushed off, and spend 90 seconds with the doctor. She wouldn't listen to me when I told her my due date was way off, even though I was measuring 4 weeks ahead (didn't find that out til I switched to my midwife) and told me I needed to gain weight instead of losing it (when I was losing it healthfully due to a health condition - my midwives actually looked at HOW I ate and decided I was fine). It was incredibly frustrating. Especially how unimportant my time or questions were to her.
All of that said, sometimes OBs are late for appointments and stuff because they've been called to deliver a baby, but I think the least you they can do is TELL you, so that you can decide whether to wait or not. And that is still no excuse for brushing off your questions like that.
Waiting for 2 hours is RIDICULOUS. One time I had to wait for 30 min- but that was because she had been delivering a baby and got backed up.
I see a FP b/c I was looking to develop a relationship. I know that because of that, if I elected to VBAC (which I won't) she couldn't be there for my labor and I'd have to see her OB partner from 36w-delivery.
I would keep looking for another OB. I'd be pissed about that whole experience. I would say to bring a copy of your records with you to the appt though - even if it's not set in stone that you're going with them. I can see why she'd want to see your history, etc. to get a feel for what your background is and then she could ask questions from there.
Have you tried a FP instead? I had a FP first time around and he was so awesome. He delivered my DS in crocs and a denim shirt/jeans and had to run to make it on time. Iwould ask around for recommendations from some friends near you. I definitely don't think your expectations are ridiculous.
Hopefully you find a good doctor soon.
TTC Baby #2 - BFP on 12/14/11 @ 10DPO - CP confirmed 12/18/11
BFP #2 on 1/13/12
The wait time is terrible, but I did it last time for my mw because that wait was usually due to the fact that she had a delivery earlier in the day. Choosing between knowing my mw would be there no matter what or having to go through 4+ docs and never know who would deliver my kid, I chose the long monthly waits.
That said, my mw spends time with me and validates my concerns. And supports my choice to avoid an epi if I can, so I do know we are on the same page.
I might try one more OB's office if you can.
I would keep looking for an OB. That is crazy!
I wait at my office but never 2 hrs., and they always check to make sure I'm okay on time. Last time it took 45 min for DR to see me, I was first appt and she was over at the hospital doing rounds.
I second the previous posters who advised you to check your local board for OB recs or ask around to mothers you know in your area. Also, I have made it a point to schedule my OB appointment for the first one available in the morning -- usually 8:00 a.m. -- and I find that helps a great deal in cutting down waiting time.
But as PPs have said, your expectations are not unrealistic and I wish you luck in finding a new doctor who will be responsive to your concerns!!
I didn't read the other responses.
What you described is terrible and I wouldn't put up with it. Have you tried your local bump board (I know a lot of them are dead so you might want to try your Nest board too) to ask for recommendations?
THIS! I don't think you're being unrealistic. My OB actually told me she wants me to try for a VBAC instead of a c-section this time if we don't run across complications like last time. I also plan for the earliest appts and usually don't have a bad wait time usually 5-10 minutes. But one time I did get stuck in the afternoon and the wait was much longer as she was backed up from a delivery.
My OB doesn't spend a whole lot of time on each appt, but that's ok with me, she knows her stuff, and I trust her. I say if you can't trust who you're working with then you should totally find someone else!