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2nd Trimester
my mom (vent -- long)
I think she hates the fact that I am married and have another "family". Anytime I talk about my MIL or FIL she closes off and won't say anything, like she doesn't want to even acknowledge the fact that I have a MIL and FIL. This is my latest escapade with her:
My in-laws gave up Christmas Eve and Christmas day so that they could always have the entire family there with them for Thanksgiving. We do Christmas with the IL's a week early so that everyone can be with their other side of the family on Christmas. I told my mom this, and she was extremely upset that we weren't going to be at Thanksgivings from now on, even though we are always going to be with my parents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (which I know they feel is much more important than Thanksgiving). She feels like we should be with both sides of the family on Thanksgiving, which would mean driving an hour to be with them after my in-laws house, and then an hour back home. Yuck, right? It's just a lot in one day, and especially when we have this baby, plus we have 2 dogs to deal with as well.
I just don't know why she feels like they should get every holiday. When you marry someone, you have to concede on things, and this is one of them. I thought she would be so happy that we would be spending every Christmas eve and day with them, I wasn't prepared for her to be so upset.
Now, she's going to the doctor multiple times a week with all these different pains and sicknesses. She's telling me how sick she is and how bad her heart is. I know some of her ailments are for real, but I have to believe that some aren't, and that she's just trying to make us feel bad for not being with her on Thanksgiving. She's always been a hypocondriac (spelling?), but this is getting ridiculous.
I know she loves my sister and I so much and she's upset because she just wants to spend time with us, but we are adults, I mean, I'm having a freaking baby! Why can't she understand?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: my mom (vent -- long)
Because she is a mom...and she cant help herself - this is why she doesnt understand. I am divided between family and as far as my mother is concern she doesnt care if I do have to hop a plane and travel 1500 miles - that should not stop me from spending time with my family!!! Umm okay???
My husband is real understanding to this - luckily for us - his family always celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve - which means if I catch an O'Dark-Thirty flight in the morning - I can make it to Seattle in time to rest and then change for Christmas with my family.
Now with the baby coming - she wants me to come home on Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas - I'm like umm yeah okay - well see....
I think your mother will be okay when she see that you arent picking your IL over her....
My IL's made the decision to give up Christmas before I was around. They EXPECT us all to be there on Thanksgiving no matter what, but then we get every Christmas with the other side of our family's no matter what. And personally, I want to be with my side of the family on EVERY Christmas, not just every other, so I think their decision was a great one!
If my parents had Thanksgiving at thier house, it would be different (we only live 10 mintutes away from them). We would probably go over for an hour or two and hang with them after the IL's. But they have it at my aunt and uncle's every year, which is an hour drive there and back.
I'm sure she'll get used to it, I just don't like my mom upset with me and my DH.
I feel for you! My family, who live 2 hours away, insists I visit them they never visit me unless the need a ride to the airport for their vacation. I am already telling them and my IL's who both live down south that this was the LAST year we are going to fly or drive any distances and see them for holidays or vacations. Next year we will have the baby and holidays will be at home for us, even if it means it is just the 3 of us!
I feel like you're talking about MY mom. She says things like, "You know, most people just switch off between which family gets T-day and which gets Xmas every year." I tell her I don't feel right about not seeing them at all on holidays, and I KNOW that if I told her we were skipping Chrsitmas with them because we did T-day with them, she would go ballistic.
I can't even mention that DH's mom said I was getting big or asked how I was doing (which she does rarely, but that's another story). I can't say, "Last week we were at BIL and SIL's house, and...." She HATES hearing that we see them...EVER. It's always, "You see them more than you see your own family," and it's usually slipped inconspicuously into a regular conversation and I have to ignore it.
I'll have to ask her if it's the number of days or amount of time that counts because I need to start a tally. If we see them one day for 30 minutes and then see you one day for 4 hours, does that mean they get another 3 1/2 on another day, or does that make it not fair because it's 2 different days?
Good luck. I mean that sincerely.
Woah, I feel like I just wrote that post!
My parents and sister are going to NYC for Christmas (graduation gift for my sister from them) and DH and I declined going because:
1. We would have to pay 100% of our way
2. I'm pg
3. We bought a house this year.
So Thanksgiving is at their house, then we're driving an hour on Saturday to see DH's family for one night (3 @ my mom's). DH's family is coming to our house for Christmas. My mom wants to know how long they will be with us. I'm pretty sure she's keeping "score" on how many nights we are with both sides! It was their choice to go to NYC when they knew we couldn't afford it!!
Natalie Kate - October 4, 2011
Blighted ovum, d&c at 9w, July 2012
Blighted ovum, d&c at 10w, September 2013
BFP May 28, EDD February 4, 2015