- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Success after IF
Former poster - hoping for some advice about baby shower (long)
Hi everyone, long time no post! I do lurk here from time to time but I haven't posted in awhile. Not sure if anyone remembers me or not, though I am fb friends with some of you. At any rate, I was hoping for some guidance with a delicate situation.
One of my friends found out she was PG late last year after trying for several years. This was a surprise pregnancy though they did do a few rounds of IVF. Of course we were all thrilled for her when she announced she was expecting and having a girl - I offered to give her baby clothes, etc. Fast forward a few weeks and during a routine u/s, they discovered the baby has some serious genetic issues that are potentially life-threatening. They are going to see a specialist later this month but it sounds like they won't know for sure what they're dealing with until the baby is born (many tests have indicated something is wrong but they are not conclusive). I wanted to do something for her to celebrate her pregnancy and the baby so I have scheduled a small dinner with about six-eight people early next month - she is fine with that and when I contacted her DH about it, he was very pleased we are going to do something. What I struggle with is the extent that we make it about the baby. Do we give her gifts? Get a cake? It's like the elephant in the room - she's hopeful that everything will work out and I know they have looked at baby furniture/gear - but of course there is no certainty about that. I wanted to do this to show that we are thinking about her and the baby and that we are acknowledging her daughter, but I also worry about what is/isn't appropriate. Any suggestions on how you would handle this are welcome!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Former poster - hoping for some advice about baby shower (long)
oh wow..what a tough situation! I hope that when they have that little girl in their arms, everything is fine and this will all just be a bad dream
what about getting her something small and precious (a little outfit or something) and then a gift card for her to purchase whatever she needs when she needs it?
I remember you-- good to *see* you!
Ugh, tough one, but I think you handle it like you would the birth of another baby. There is a chance (even if it were really small) that this baby is going to come into this world ok and I would want everyone to be cheering her on in a positive way, giving her the best odds possible.
Are they going to register? If not, I think it is totally appropriate to do more gift cards than gifts but I do think that otherwise you should celebrate the life that has been created and will hopefully enter this world. All the best to them!
IVF #1 - BFP (6dt)
Unassisted Pregnancy #2 - lost at 15w6d due to T21, severe heart defects, and fetal hydrops
I probably wouldnt get any baby items or maybe something small like a small stuffed animal/doll. With their IF history, if they dont bring this baby home, they may not be able to have another baby and those baby items sitting in the house will be torture.
You would still celebrate the baby by doing a pretty pink cake or pink cupcakes without making it baby-ish, KWIM?
Or another idea for a gift would be to hire a photographer to be there for the birth - that is something that they would probably want either way.
-----Lisa-----
You've gotten good ideas. I would do a group gift of a Visa gift card, but I'd also get a really (really, really) nice baby blanket (you know the kind I'm talking about--something you'd love to have for your baby but would never buy.). I was also thinking about a meal train. If there are three or four couples, perhaps everyone could commit to two meals, and start it before she's due. I know at the end of my pregnancy, I did not have the energy to prepare anything.
I know that your efforts will be appreciated. In times like this, people don't know what to say, so they tend not to say (or do) anything. I think it is wonderful that you are willing to step up and celebrate and support your friend. Please keep us posted.
This exactly. I love the idea of the really nice baby blanket and pink cake/cupcakes. You could decorate with really simple pink flowers or something like that too...I think if it were me, I would want my baby acknowledged in some way, especially since there is a chance everything could turn out fine. Inside, I would be looking to my friends for confidence and encouragement.