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Another IL vent

jarobinson21jarobinson21
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

My MIL is so frustrating! 

DS' birthday was Friday and we had his party on Sunday. Friday night we went out to dinner with IL and MIL kept giving my son a ton of bread before the meal got there, I kept saying he has food coming. She tried to give him the cupcake she brought him before the food got there as well. I said he needs to eat first. She was like "but it's his BIRTHDAY!!" I said "real food first." I won that battle.She was encouraging him to bang on the table and was going "bring me food, bring me food."  Then once his food came she kept feeding him off her plate. He had broccoli and grilled chicken, but she kept giving her french fries and boneless wings. Then when she gave him the cupcake she fussed because I scraped most of the icing off. She also gave me the worst look when DS was throwing a tantrum and I sternly said "No" to him, which will sometimes make him stop. She looked at me like "how dare you tell him no!"

Sunday at his birthday party as soon as she showed up she tried taking him away from where he was playing to the blanket she had set out and to feed him snacks. Food was cooking and I had a plate of fruit for him. She tried to keep him the whole time. Note: we live 10 minutes from them and my family lives between 1-3 hours away from us. Then she took all the presents she bought him home with her, saying that they were his but were staying at her house. 

We got along great before DS was born,  but she is ALWAYS right and she is passive aggressive, stubborn, and bossy. Vent over. 

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Re: Another IL vent

  • Kitiara5512Kitiara5512 member
    That would quickly turn into a "I am the only one feeding him" rule if she keeps plying him with junk. I dont see anything wrong with fries and wings sometimes, but that is the parent's decision, not her's. Set the boundaries, and stick to them. (And then tell me how it goes, so maybe I will grow some balls too instead of just talking big on here).

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  • august06momaugust06mom member
    Sounds like my mom. She is still like that with DS1 -- lets him do whatever he wants, and it's always a terrible visit because he wants to see just what he can get away with. He acts up, I get pissed, DS ends up melting down, and everyone leaves grumpy. Fun times!
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  • jarobinson21jarobinson21

    imageKitiara5512:
    That would quickly turn into a "I am the only one feeding him" rule if she keeps plying him with junk. I dont see anything wrong with fries and wings sometimes, but that is the parent's decision, not her's. Set the boundaries, and stick to them. (And then tell me how it goes, so maybe I will grow some balls too instead of just talking big on here).

    He can feed himself and she still insists on doing it. I told her no and FIL also told her that he had his own food. At the party I just picked him up and took him to play. After the party DH said something to her when she was talking about the presents going back to her house. She said "yeah it is yours but it will stay at my house." DH said "Then it is not really ours then, is it." I think she took the hint because when we stopped by the house later she gave us a few of them.  

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  • Danaz1Danaz1 member
    my MIL is similar.  She thinks becuase she is the grandma she can do what she wants like give DD cookies all the time.  She also shoves food in her mouth as she is chewing other food. 
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  • jarobinson21jarobinson21

    imageDanaz1:
    my MIL is similar.  She thinks becuase she is the grandma she can do what she wants like give DD cookies all the time.  She also shoves food in her mouth as she is chewing other food. 

    MIL is the same. She says that as a grandma she GETS to spoil him and feed him stuff mommy doesn't want him to have! I am pretty lenient and said fine if I am not there. (She won't give him sodas, that is my biggest rule.) But when his parents are around I don't want him to think that he can get away with stuff just because Nanny and Grandad are there. 

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  • CopperT0pCopperT0p member

    My ILs used to be similar to yours with trying to feed L stuff I didn't approve of.  MIL was worse than FIL.  I always had DF back be up when I would say 'no thanks' to them offering him junk.  When they would try to beg to feed him it, he would tell them we were firm that he wasn't having that kind of food and we'd leave if they continued (we only visit them, they don't visit us because of allergies to our dog). 

    MIL would take it personally saying that she gave it to the other grandkids (who are terrors at meal time because they only want the junk food).  She says she raised 3 kids just fine, but they are all overweight, but of course that's not her fault according to her. It's a battle we've stood firm on, and they finally respect it and ask before offering him anything.

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  • tyke29tyke29 member
    What is it with MIL and food.  My MIL always bring food - usally junk food.  One day while DH and I were cleaning the house for an appraisal and she was watching him (at our house) to help us out, she feed him a whole large grab bag of chips for snack.  A few chips is fine but that was way way too much.  He woke up sick in the middle of the night and throw up the chips.  We told her about it and then the next week she brought him thr chips he liked so much.  We firmly told her NO WAY on the chips.  So we said no more junk food brought into our house.  So she brought McDs chicken nuggets - not much better.  LOL.  Why she cannot just come and play - I have no idea. 
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  • hcmamm1hcmamm1
    good for u guys to get some of the gifts back. my ILs tried that with us. they wanted to get DS a four wheeler and said it would stay at their house but said it was his.  my DH finally told them if they wanted to get him one that is fine, but it will stay at our house so he can ride it more often.
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  • inthewaterinthewater

    IMHO, ILs are better when they're a few hours away - mine are 10 minutes so I can sympathize. For our DD's 1 year bday it just didn't click in MIL's head that we only had some set time that my family was free for the weekend (as my parents who live 8 hrs away were coming up for the weekend). She tried to insist on coming by at times we didn't provide an option for. Needless to say, she was upset that she didn't get to see DD on her bday weekend (note: DD's bday was on Friday and MIL saw her on Monday - but it was still a hubub!)

    Over Easter, MIL and SIL gave me eye rolls on feeding DD a supreme pizza (as that is what they ordered for dinner and the only other food in the house was chips, salty crackers, or chocolate - so really pizza was the best choice) and that I let DD eat off of my meal the following day rather than order off the children's menu (again note I had fish and steamed veggies). 

    I do have to say I'm kind of shocked people don't know what "healthy" vs "unhealthy" is. GL - I feel your pain!

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  • SGC29SGC29 member

    Your MIL and mine would get along great. My MIL is a sweet lady, but she is very similar to yours when it comes to DD. The thing that would bother me most would be the gifts. If they are gifts I'm not sure why she is technically be taking them back? That just seems odd. 

    The food thing is something we deal with constantly with MIL she is always overfeeding DD to the point where I nearly have to beg her to just stop at times. The other day she watched DD and fed her pasta, a burger, brocolli, eggs, strawberries, and apples for lunch. DD looked like she was going to barf when I picked her up.

    Make sure you speak up as often as you can when she does things like that. She likely won't stop but at least she will know you are not okay with it. 

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