Infertility Veterans

As I Sit Here With An IV

I realize how over this process I am...the couple in the bed next to me are all giggly getting ready for their first retrieval.

The nurse asked me how many of these IVs I have and I realized it is either 9 or 10.  They are so sweet here but I can tell they feel sorry for me.  My file is SO thick!

After so much heartache it is so hard to manage any hope and I hate that I have become this way.

 

 At least it is good to see others here who are excited and hopeful and I really hope they do get their take home baby/babies.

TTC since 07/2009
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.

Re: As I Sit Here With An IV

  • Oh geez.  I'm so sorry.  You may not feel like it in this moment, but there's hope alive deep down in you, otherwise you wouldn't be doing this.  And know that you have lots of ladies keeping hope alive for you when you feel like you can't.  Big hugs and best of luck.  
    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • I'm sorry :( I know it's hard to keep up hope after so much disappointment. I really, really hope this cycle will bring you your take home baby. Good luck!

    DH: Severe MFI/Azoo Me: Compound heterozygous MTHFR
    IVF #1= m/c- methotrexate @6w2d
    FET #1= BFN
    IVF #2= m/c- D&C @8w5d
    IVF #3= Beta #1 9dp5dt= 252, Beta #2 11dp5dt= 417, Beta #3 17dp5dt= 4,952
    US #2 @ 7w2d= twins, baby B measuring behind
    US #3 @ 8w5d= Baby A doing well, no HR in baby B
    *S/PAIF always welcome* BabyFetus Ticker
  • Hugs.  Believe me, I know how you feel.  Sometimes, it's tough, but I know we have to remain positive because our take home babies are waiting out there for us... I just know it.  Tons of T&Ps heading out to you this cycle.  Stay strong.  
    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Thinking of you hon.  I hope this is your last IV and you have full arms in 9 mos.  Sending lots of love
    Surprise BFP after 5 yrs of TTC
  • my file is frightening cutie.  it sucks to be on the long road.  ((HUGS))

    are you doing intralipids or IVIG?

    i'm praying so hard cutie.  my big assss is saying you a spot on paif.

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
  • imagetheworms:

    my file is frightening cutie.  it sucks to be on the long road.  ((HUGS))

    are you doing intralipids or IVIG?

    i'm praying so hard cutie.  my big assss is saying you a spot on paif.

    Thanks so much ladies.  It just made me sad because I remember feeling that nervous excitement for my first retrieval but now it is not just getting pregnant but trying to stay pregnant.  Baby steps right?

     Wormsie I hope to see you over there soon.  My last b/w showed my NKs did come down some so we are sticking with intralipids for now.

    Did you do your IVIG?  If so how was it? 

    TTC since 07/2009
    Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
    Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
    Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
    May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
    Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
    Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
    Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
    April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
    Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
    Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
    Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

    Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
    SAIF/PAIF Welcome
    Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
  • I am really hoping that this is your time.  I absolutely know that feeling.  During my 5th IVF, I felt like I was so grumpy.  I kept squeezing DH's hand because everyone was annoying me with all their positivity and hope.  ;)  Hang in there.
  • (((hugs)))

    Sending T&P's that this cycle brings you your take home baby.

    Me: 35 DH: 37 TTC since 4/2010
    DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
    IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
    1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
    FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
    FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
    7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
    EDD 2/22/2013
    PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
    imageimageimageimage
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I am so sorry to hear your struggles, I have been there as well.  Please stay strong and keep thinking positive thoughts. Your dreams will come true! 
  • I am so sorry sweets.  I really hope this is it for you!  ((hugs))
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  • Ugh.  I'm so sorry Luv. I hope and pray that this cycle brings your take home baby to you and that it is easy and uneventful!!
  • ((hugs)) I can not imagine what you have been through.((hugs))
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  • imagemdluv21:
    imagetheworms:

    my file is frightening cutie.  it sucks to be on the long road.  ((HUGS))

    are you doing intralipids or IVIG?

    i'm praying so hard cutie.  my big assss is saying you a spot on paif.

    Thanks so much ladies.  It just made me sad because I remember feeling that nervous excitement for my first retrieval but now it is not just getting pregnant but trying to stay pregnant.  Baby steps right?

     Wormsie I hope to see you over there soon.  My last b/w showed my NKs did come down some so we are sticking with intralipids for now.

    Did you do your IVIG?  If so how was it? 

    i did IVIG, it was done over 2 days, 30 grams per day.  it was ok, much slower than intralipids.  you feel flu-like symptoms from it so i had chills and headache.  i took tylenol and was fine.

    i will have immune b/w back this week so hopefully nk's have come down and i am done with infusions.

    sending ((HUGS)) and more prayers and PPV's!

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
  • Big hugs!  All of it is so unfair. 
    IVF #3 = Feb 2012
    beta#1 3/21 (14dp3dt)=413, beta#2 3/23 (16dp3dt)=785, u/s 4/11
    EDD 11/25/12
    **SAIFW** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think I realized at IVF 3 ET that they should have another area for those on their 2 and 3rd tries. At ER there was a girl who I heard them tell her she had gotten 20 eggs. I was still happy with my 12, but was sad I didn't get 20.

    At my ET the girl next to me was there for a 5 day with 2 blasts. The RE said they were really high quality. She was going to have 7 or 8 to freeze. The RE told her she was sure they would have twins. I wanted to cry. I was there with one one 6 cell on day 3.

    Hugs to you. Lots of prayers for your BFP.

    PAIF and SAIF Always Welcome!
    TTC since 2007
    6 IUIs, 3 IVFs, and 2 m/c :< PCOS, Blood Clotting Disorder & MFI
    IVF #2 Aug 2011 is a BFN:<
    IVF #3 March 2012 is a BFN
    Not sure what to do now. Sad and lost.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Yeah it sure as hell is something that gets old fast.  When I was sitting at my 4th transfer, I'm not sure I had an ounce of actual hope left.   It just beat the $hit out of u.  Hugs and good luck!!!
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  • Such big (((((HUGS))))) its time for YOU to get YOUR take-home baby. I'm rooting so hard for you, md. You are so deserving of happiness.
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  • imagemdluv21:

    I realize how over this process I am...the couple in the bed next to me are all giggly getting ready for their first retrieval.

    The nurse asked me how many of these IVs I have and I realized it is either 9 or 10.  They are so sweet here but I can tell they feel sorry for me.  My file is SO thick!

    After so much heartache it is so hard to manage any hope and I hate that I have become this way.

     

     At least it is good to see others here who are excited and hopeful and I really hope they do get their take home baby/babies.

    I was just tellling I think Worms, I was feeling the same way.  Big hugs!

    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
  • mdluv I am praying that this is it for you ((HUGS))
    May 06: Natural PG= m/c, July 09: TI= m/c, November 09: TI=BFN, December 09: IUI= c/p
    IVF#1: start stims 1/26; ER 2/8; ET 2/13= BFN; FET#1: May 2010= m/c *NEW CLINIC Jan 2011* IVF#2: start stims 1/12; ER 1/22; ET 1/27= BFN; IVF#3: TBD
    ~SAIFW/PAIFW~
  • Hoping this is your happy ending:-)

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • Huge ((hugs)).  I hate this.

     
    me 33/DH 36
    ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
    ~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
    11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
    IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
    Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
    IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
    U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
    Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!   It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • ((Hugs))  Sending love and tons of PPV's to you!  You deserve your happy ending!
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