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**Ticker Warning** Not sure what to say, could sure use some advice...

jend310jend310
in Late Term and Child Loss
One of my DH employees & his wife recently lost their baby girl at 37 weeks.  It was devastating news since they had been through losses before, but much earlier on in the pregnancies.  She had a baby shower & the nursery was all set up and ready for her scheduled c-section the following week when she found out.  She has since managed to go through all the baby's diapers, clothes, etc. & packed them all up sending them to the office for my DH & I.  We are also expecting a little girl in July.  My DH was told by the dad that his wife INSISTED he bring them for us and did not want to give them to anyone else.  I sincerely appreciate her thinking of us and want to thank her for her generosity, especially in light of the circumstances, but have absolutely no idea what to say.  I am just heartbroken for her!!  How do I thank her and offer my condolences at the same time without being insensitive to her & her loss?  I almost feel guilty accepting her things and thinking how cute it all is....I can't imagine how she is feeling having to give them to someone else.  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks!
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Re: **Ticker Warning** Not sure what to say, could sure use some advice...

  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    Please edit your title at the beginning with a ticker warning!
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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member

    Say that you are sorry for their loss and how much of an honor it is they chose you guys to get their daughter's clothes. I didn't give away any of Aidan's clothes because I knew we were going to try again and if we had a girl she would wear his clothes. 

    When you don't know what to say, be honest and tell them that. 

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  • CaroleeCarolee member
    I put a ticker warning in your post title.  I'm so sorry for their loss.  I don't know that I really have any advice - I haven't been able to part with any of my son's things.  I would probably send 2 cards - one for sympathy only, and one to say thank you for the clothes and reiterate that you are sorry for their loss. 
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • Chels1222Chels1222
    I would send two cards.  One that is condolences and one that thanks her for the clothes and states how sorry you are again about their loss.  Maybe also say in there that you will cherish these clothes and think of her child when you use them.  I have not given away any of Taylor's stuff (won't even let my other child play with her blankets/stuff animals/toys).   So I don't really have first hand experience with this though. 
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  • weddedwifeweddedwife member

    Yes, absolutely send a separate condolence card.  Also send a thank you note, be sure to tell her how honored you are that she chose you to receive her baby's things, and that you will think of her baby when you use them. Acknowledge how hard it must've been for her to pack them all up.

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  • tubbsy32tubbsy32
    I agree with the other ladies about sending cards. But, I can't help but wonder...is she sure that she really wanted to give away all her baby girl's stuff?? Don't say that to her though. Any other ladies know what I mean? I haven't given away any of Jacob's things and it sounds like you girls haven't given away your babies' belongings either. I just hope that she didn't pack them up and give them away in hopes of closure and then regret it and wish she had some of her things. Maybe I'm over analyzing....???
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  • jend310jend310

    imagemagdalina.h:
    Please edit your title at the beginning with a ticker warning!

    I'm very sorry, I didn't know what that was/meant... 

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  • jend310jend310
    Thank you everyone for your suggestions.  I will def send 2 separate cards.  I also would like to apologize for not putting a "ticker warning" on my post.  Thank you for doing it for me!  
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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    Definitely acknowledge how difficult it must have been to pack them up and how honored you are to receive them. But I agree with pp, I wonder if she's really ready to give them away? I can't imagine packing up all of the special things we picked out for Patricia and giving them to my friend, who's due two weeks after I was. But everyone grieves differently. However, I might just set the things aside for a bit, just in case she changes her mind. The diapers are probably safe to use, but the clothes and other things, I don't know. It's nice of you to ask for help.


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
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    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • ally2011ally2011 member

    imagejbranden12:
    Definitely acknowledge how difficult it must have been to pack them up and how honored you are to receive them. But I agree with pp, I wonder if she's really ready to give them away? I can't imagine packing up all of the special things we picked out for Patricia and giving them to my friend, who's due two weeks after I was. But everyone grieves differently. However, I might just set the things aside for a bit, just in case she changes her mind. The diapers are probably safe to use, but the clothes and other things, I don't know. It's nice of you to ask for help.

    I agree completely on this.  I would set them all aside and maybe send her a letter in a month or a couple of weeks telling her that many loss moms shared that she might regret that decision later so you have set them aside and would be happy to return them if she would like to save them.  Acknowledge that many loss moms do keep the things for a long while, sometimes forever and that if she is feeling that she wants to, there is nothing wrong with that at all.   Tell her that while you are honored for her to want to have done this, you want to give her the opportunity to hang on to them if she would like, etc.

    You are also welcome to send her here to post if she needs people to talk to.

    Best,

    Jenn 

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


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  • CranangCranang member

    My DH packed all of Celeste's things and took them out of the house before I went home...on my request.  I kept a few small things, but everything else donated to a women's shelter.

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  • jgengo0jgengo0 member

    imageCranang:

    My DH packed all of Celeste's things and took them out of the house before I went home...on my request.  I kept a few small things, but everything else donated to a women's shelter.

    This..

    I only kept a bearjacket...I bought two right when I found out I was pregnant. I donated the rest of her things. Everyone grieves differently.. She probably wants them out of her sight. I felt if I kept the things I would forever be unhappy. For me, it was part of the healing process.
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