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Why is my 19 month old so angry?

wonkataliawonkatalia member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

I mean, I expect tantrums, but this is ridiculous.  Saturday night, she decided she did not want to leave the house (we were going to go eat dinner) so she freaked out while I tried to buckle her in, back arching, wiggling, screaming, etc.  I finally got her buckled and turned on her movie but she screamed the whole time we were in the car.  We gave up and went back home.

Sunday, she went down for her morning nap fine, was happy and in a great mood most of the day.  Later in the afternoon, I fell asleep on the couch while she was watching Winnie the Pooh (DH was next to me awake).  All the sudden she starts crying for her blanket and saying "night night" so I take that as a sign that she's ready for her afternoon nap.  I go get her ready for her nap and all hell breaks loose.  She was thrashing, screaming, sobbing, wanted her blanket, then hated her blanket, wanted her stuffed catepillar that she sleeps with, then hated it too.  I tried EVERYTHING to get her to take her nap but I finally gave up and took her in the other room, put Pooh back on and she calmed down.

Same thing at bedtime.  Freaked out getting out of the tub.  Cried/screamed/went nuts for about 30 minutes.  She finally wiggled herself up to put her head on my shoulder and she cried it out right there and eventually calmed down and said "night night" and went to sleep peacefully.

And again this morning!  I went in her room and she immediately freaked out.  She had been sleeping peacefully but all the sudden she's crying/screaming "Mama"  "No"  "Door" like she wants to go out the door, but I had to change her diaper and clothes to take her to my mom's house so I could go to work.  It took 10 minutes just to change her diaper, I gave up on the clothes and took her to mom's house in her pjs.

What is going on?  This is totally new.  Nothing has changed in our routines or at our house.  She doesn't have a fever.

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Re: Why is my 19 month old so angry?

  • wonkataliawonkatalia member

    imaget watley:
    Have you tried reasoning with her?

    LMAO.

    Right. 

    Still laughing.

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  • Sleep2LiveSleep2Live member

    You probably won't like hearing this, but by giving in, you are encouraging the behavior.  She's learning that her tantrums work, and get her what she wants, so she keeps doing it.

    For example, going out to dinner, you said you guys gave up and went home.  Maybe next time, even though it wasn't your original plan, just go get drive-thru, and eat in the car so that you don't bother other patrons, but she also doesn't "win" that battle.

    Also, 19 month olds are learning to express themselves, but they still have a tough time telling you exactly what they want and it's VERY frustrating, and the only way they can express that frustration is a tantrum.  Maybe adding in some baby sign language to suppliment her spoken language can help bridge the gap until her language skills can catch up.

    Good luck, I know how rough it can be!

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  • kita09kita09
    you might have to wait it out. how are you reacting to it? sometimes they feed off our reactions. i've just learned to ignore and my LO is getting better (less tantrums, less duration).
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  • MJHersheyMJHershey member

    Because they want their way and are frustrated with not being able to say what they want.

     I know this will be really hard, but you need to not back down.. a lot of what you said ended up with "we gave up and..." basically she got her way.  Just for the future, I don't want you to get into a battle where she knows if she acts this way she will get what she wants.

    Do you ever just leave her to have her hissy fit? When Alex has a melt down we put him somewhere safe (carpet with no furniture around) and ignore him until he gets over it.

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  • SGC29SGC29 member

    I don't think she is trying to manipulate you are "get her way", but I think it more so sounds like she is just very frustrated that she can't communicate to you what she wants. It may be something so simple that is just not coming across yet because she verbally can't do it. 

    I think a lot of her reactions to things are probably feeding off of how you react to her. When she starts melting down do you remain calm or get flustered? If you are getting flustered it is probably just amplifying her frustration. I know it is REALLY hard but I think just trying to remain as calm as possible when she screams/cries may help. Make sure she doesn't see your frustrations.

    When DD seems to have tantrums (ours most often are at dinner) I try out different things to figure out what it is she is wanting and if it seems that she is not pleased with anything I simply remain calm and ride out the tantrum. I give her one option each time and once she shows that she is not interested in that I simply remove that option. Say if she throws her water, I will remove it from in front of her to show that I understand that is not what she is wanting and instead place her food in front of her. I will say things like "we don't throw, just hand to mommy" and typically once she calms she will hand me things rather than throw them. 

    I don't know if this will help at all, but I hope it does. I know how hard tantrums can be! 

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  • wonkataliawonkatalia member

    She has great language skills for her age.  I never tried sign language because she picked up words so quickly.  She's making sentences and picking up words after we say them a few times.  But of course, she's not able to clearly tell me what's going on when she's freaking out so that is probably adding to the frustration. 

    Yesterday for her nap and at bedtime, I tried to go back to what calmed her down when she was a little baby: shushing, rocking, holding her tight.  Didn't really help.  The only thing that did work was holding her with her head on my shoulder and rubbing her back.

    I did totally give in at naptime yesterday, but by the time I gave in it was time for her to be waking up from her nap anyway.

    I tried just leaving her in her crib but she stood up and cried so hard she started gagging herself. 

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  • wonkataliawonkatalia member

    I would say that I keep calm and do the shushing, rocking, holding, singing, trying to figure out what's wrong and all of that.  When nothing works, I do use a firm voice that's louder than her screaming but that's as far as it goes.  I try really hard to keep my frustration inside.  I've heard it's best to whisper when kids are screaming b/c it's different and distracting.  Maybe I'll try that.

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  • grr_aarghgrr_aargh member

    This is my 3rd go-round on the kiddo front so my answer is this:  Because she's 19 months old. 

    You can go hard-core "never going to give in" or you can go survivalist "whatever it takes" or you can go somewhere in the middle.  Eventually their tantrum swill subside because. . . they're not 19 months old anymore.

     

    So, um, I'm very zen about it.  My treatment regimen nearly always includes having a beer at bedtime.  Does that help?  

    Welcome to the world, Baby Grr!

    My Blog

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  • wonkataliawonkatalia member
    imagegrr_aargh:

    This is my 3rd go-round on the kiddo front so my answer is this:  Because she's 19 months old. 

    You can go hard-core "never going to give in" or you can go survivalist "whatever it takes" or you can go somewhere in the middle.  Eventually their tantrum swill subside because. . . they're not 19 months old anymore.

     

    So, um, I'm very zen about it.  My treatment regimen nearly always includes having a beer at bedtime.  Does that help?  

    Is the beer for me or for her?  I think we could both use it.  LOL.

    Yes, that does help...a little.  Thank you!

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  • wonkataliawonkatalia member
    imageLuhdashuh:

    DD1 went through the same phase at the exact same age.  It was right when her language really started to pick up but she really just did not have enough words to communicate to me what it was she really wanted.  SHe would be so angry, I remember her actually picking up a kitchen chair and almost throwing it.  She would also come at me and hit me. 

    WHat helped us was alot of predictability and routines.  If she was flipped out, I would try to calm her and distract her, then try to figure out what it might be that she wanted.  It was a phase tha passed pretty quickly, however, it was nothing compared to the terrible twos.  I'm still recovering from that year of my life.

    If your the reading type, Harvey Karp's book the Happiest Toddler on the Block was good for explaining their level of communication.  I found some of his techniques helpful, but some of them were just way too out there for me.

    The terrible twos are worse than this?  I thought this was a preview of the terrible twos.  I'm gonna need a lot of wine.

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