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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
It makes me so sad
That when a poster needs help with bfing so many just told her to quit right away. Especially the ones who were nasty about it. No wonder so many people give up nursing so soon.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: It makes me so sad
op please
I had 4 LC's in the hospital basically give up on me so I started pumping. I wish I would have had ONE more LC that would have stuck with me.?
Poor girl. I hope she tries it a bit longer. (without knowing the actual story) ?
Are we still talking about HNL? I think they meant she could take a break from BF-ing if she didn't have a freezer stash. Give DC a bottle of formula for DH or baby-sitter to give, take your pump and go get some alone time. At least that's how I took it. Did someone actually say quit? I tend to stop reading posts after I reply, especially once they're no longer on the 1st page.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/6496064.aspx
So switch to formula. Nobody is forcing you to BF.
honestly i've obviously never tried it, but i've seen how hard it is on lots of moms though. i don't think i would have the willpower to do it, and i think a happy mom=happy baby, and if someone is getting as stressed out as HNL was, i think that's where it stops being beneficial.
wth do i know though?
Is the air very thin up on that high horse of yours?
Really..that is why somebody INVENTED formula. Not everyone wants or needs to breastfeed. You want to great...if it is such a problem for her let her quit, don't beat the girl up about it.
Yeah, I was shocked by that, too. Way to be supportive.
Wow. Anger issues much?
She wants to bf but was having a really hard time. It's not esay for some people. It wasn't easy for me at all. I was just very blessed to have a support system that helped me through it. Not once did anyone tell me I couldn't do it or to quit.
And formula is available...but it's not as good as breast milk. It never will be.
Sometimes, I think the best support you can give someone who is really struggling with BF is to say, "hey, it is OK if you need to stop doing this for awhile." There's something about that kind of reassurance that can be even more helpful than practical suggestions; it can help the person relax a little about the whole situation. My BF experience was directly related to my stress level: when I was very stressed out about it, it seemed like it was spiraling downward; when I relaxed, it became a good experience for me and baby.
That's different than saying, "hey, just quit," though. The idea is that you let the person know that it will not be the end of the world if it doesn't work out, hoping that that knowledge will increase the chance that it does work out.
I quit breastfeeding because it was giving me a serious case of the crazies. But now that life has calmed down, and Abby is proving to be the sweetest, easiest baby I've ever met - - I often wish I'd stuck it out, and gave it more of a shot.
I don't think that just ebcause someone is having a hard day or is stressd about breastfeeding, that people should just say "just quit". Because once you "just quit" you really can't change that decision.
My friend says "Never quit on your worst day". I wish I'd listened to that advice.
That poster needs a break, someone to give her an afternoon to herself - but I think quitting would be a bad thing to do.
I totally agree.
I had to quit with my oldest. Even if I hadn't lost my milk (which I did), I would've had to pump and dump until I no longer needed thyroid treatment. I needed someone to tell me that it was OK if I didn't BF. I put myself in a very deep depression because of people telling me I should still try. Especially my mother, who made me feel like I was a complete loser for not BF-ing him.
Formula is not poison.
:shrugs:
I totally agree as well. I had a really tough time, and I just wanted people to tell me 'it's ok to use formula' ... if people had kept 'pushing' ways I could have kept on with it, it would have just made me feel even MORE quilty about quitting. I dunno ... support is good in both manners I think, as long as it's in a kind way. It's a hard decision for anyone to make.
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
I also agree with ppers who said they hated BFing and wanted support to quit. ?I desperately wanted that because I despised BFing from the very start and I felt alot of guilt about wanting to quit and pressure to keep going. ?BFing actually hurt my relationship with my son because I associated something I hated so much with my son. ?Once I quit, I was so much happier and had a totally different relationship with DS.
To me, when a woman comes on here and posts that she "f*cking hates" BFing and sees her daughter as "needy" and "hungry", it might not be the best thing for her and her daughter (and their relationship) to continue. ?
Surprise, surprise! I see both sides of this argument. You need SO much support if you're having trouble BFing.
A really good piece of advice I got was to not have formula in the house, b/c once you start supplementing its a slippery slope. Unfortunately for me I wasn't able to utilize that advice b/c DS was in the NICU for a week and he had to consume a certain amount per day to get released. (Some of the ICU nurse SUCKED big huge time: One told me NOT to BF him at his feeding time b/c he won't be hungry for the formula he was supposed to take...***!)
Anyways, my biggest problem was supply ending in nipple confusion and it was making me feel miserable and inadequate. When I started back to work I decided to quit. At that point it was really good to hear that I wasn't a failure and that he would still be happy and healthy and we could still bond other ways.
All in all I just think its about being responsible with your advice. If someone is looking for tips and support give them that. If they are at the end of their ropes, I don't see a problem telling them that they are still a good mama and its okay to quit. That can be pretty hard on us too!
I was one of the people that told her to quit. If she had said something along the lines of "This is difficult, I'm not sure I want to do it any longer" I would have told her to try and stick with it.
But seeing as she made the comment how she "effing hates BF" (or along those lines) I thought it was safe to assume it was making her miserable and being that stressed out about isn't good for either the mom or the baby.
I'm not saying that I think every mom who is having a difficult time should just quit. I quit after almost a month of stressing out about it. I tried and didn't just give up. Do I regret my decision? No. I think what I did was best for both me and my kid. She's getting fed and she's happy, and I'm happy.
Mark 14:52
BF was so very difficult for DS and I but we stuck it out for three months even with all the problems we had. Even though it didn't work out for us and most the time it was HELL, I still suggested to the op to take a break from BF and pump but I did not tell her to quit.
I don't think I will ever suggest for someone to quit. Why? Because I wish I hadn't. I feel some twinge of guilt every single farking day that it did not work out for us. I don't want anyone to have to feel the way I feel on a daily basis.
Maybe my response was a little abrupt - for that, I apologize. I guess when someone says that they "F-ing hate" doing it, I feel like they might be better off not doing something that is making them miserable. Should have just kept my mouth shut, I guess. Sorry.
I definitely agree. Even when I was to the point that I was "supplementing" with 4 oz bottles after I BF her, there were still some people in my life pushing me to keep going, and every time I got a comment like that it made me feel even more guilty about quitting. I really needed someone to tell me it was okay, and that formula isn't poison. If she's at the point where she "fvcking hates" BF'ing, then I think it's reasonable to guess she's probably there.
Some people don't realize that "tone" can be easily misunderstood when typing a post rather than having an in-person conversation. I also had a terrible time BFing & came on here to vent & get some support. My posts certainly were not as dramatic as that poor girl's, but I got some of the same nasty responses. I remember one word for word still: "If you don't want to keep BFing, why don't you just quit? Formula isn't poison, you know." I HATE that phrase and I wish people would stop using it. It's nasty & demeaning to people who are hurting because they want desperately to BF but are trying to decide if the emotional & physical stress is worth continuing or not. I find it offensive, especially when people seem to assume that those who keep trying despite major trouble BFing are doing it because they don't want to "poison" their babies. Some of us did it because we really wanted to BF, not because we wanted to "avoid" formula. And many of us supplemented with formula WHILE trying to make BFing work, and to be told that "formula isn't poison" and "just quit if you don't want to do it anymore" is very hurtful. What is wrong with just saying something supportive that doesn't tell her to quit but doesn't make her feel like she can't either? Some bumpies just have no middle ground...