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Blended Families
FI went off on BF
BF was acting like a complete child this past weekend over me forgetting to send a video game back with DS to him. He flipped out on me over text and demanded that I make the 45 min drive at 10pm to bring him the video game. I thought he was being completely ridiculous and told him so but FI brought the game to shut him up. That was Sunday and since then BF has been texting me trying to act like we are friends or something, I think after he calmed down he realized what a jerk he was (but he never apologized).
I hadn't really been responding to his text messages because I was still PO'd about the video game incident. Wednesday FI and I had our big ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. And of course ALL DAY LONG BF was texting me. His first text in the morning was asking when FI and I find out what the baby is. After trying to ignore him (because it's none of his business) I finally responded in the afternoon and just replied "today", hoping that would just shut him up. But NOOOOOO that just opened up to more texts from him. He asked if he got to know what it was and I simply responded that I wanted to share that with DS before anyone. Then he just kept on going and saying that he wanted to go for a walk or have coffee with me on Sunday when he brings DS back. Saying he wants to clear the air and that he wants to discuss this life changing event since it involves DS. At this point I was LIVID. I should have just turned my phone off but FI and I were trying to communicate with family telling them the news of the baby and BF was just ruining our entire day and evening. This was a special day between FI and I and BF should have just stayed out of it, I'm so angry at him. I feel responsible because I should have ignored him but he is such a baby that after each text if I took more than 30 min to respond he started with multiple texts of, "are you ignoring me? I'm just trying to talk to you. Why aren't you responding to me? I'm not trying to be nosey."
Well yesterday FI was still fuming about it and he sent BF a HUGE text telling him that he was out of line and that FI was drawing a boundary line and that BF needs to stay on his side of that line. BF never responded to FI and hasn't said a word to me so now I'm all stressed about the storm that is brewing. Are FI and I overreacting or was BF out of line? I feel awful because I feel like I should have nipped it from the start but BF has always been a bully to me when he doesn't get his way or get responses from me and I just didn't want to deal with him.
I don't know how to handle this situation from this point forward. I don't want there to be any animosity or awkwardness. I want us all to get along and be civil but at the same time I want BF to stay out of our business which he just doesn't get that concept. He thinks that anything and everything that involves DS involves him and I don't know how to nicely tell him that isn't the case. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FI went off on BF
Actually, I think it depends on the situation. You obviously did not handle the situation well AT ALL. You should have nipped this whole thing in the bud and told BF that you only want to text him about things that involve your son or support. Nothing else in your life is his business and you don't discuss them with him. You can take the opportunity now to text BF and tell him "my life with FI is none of your business. I will not be discussing any of it with you."
Anyway, sometimes men will not respect the boundries of a woman, but they will respect another man's "turf." As neanderthal as it seems, maybe this will work in your case. I don't think you can be angry at FI when you didn't handle the problem on your own. You can't allow BF to intrude into your (mutual) lives and then ask FI to stand back. This has nothing to do with your son (which you COULD say that FI should not contact BF over), it has to do with HIS (fi's) child, and yes, he has every right to have boundries, even if you can't or won't enforce them with BF.
I agree completely and I feel horrible that I failed so miserably with this entire situation. I don't know why I am so scared to say these things to BF. He just has a tendency to attack me and I let him get me upset instead of standing up for myself.
::: semi-lurker :::
Can you imagine how your FI must feel, going in on one of the biggest days of his life to find out if he's having a boy or a girl and whether the baby is healthy, and the woman he is supposed to share this beautiful moment with is in a back-and-forth, totally unnecessary text conversation with her ex? It must have been terrible. I can hardly blame him. If it had been me in your FI's shoes, I would have been furious with the both of you.
Maybe I'm just having a morning, but you need to re-think your communication with your ex completely. You aren't friends. You aren't married anymore. You are co-parents to the one child, that's it. If you are going to make it work with FI, you need to emotionally divorce your ex.
Trust me I feel awful about it. FI knows the situation and he was very clear that he wasn't upset with me. BF is very manipulative with me and just bullies me. Whenever I try to cut him off he comes back and uses DS as an umbrella excuse that no matter what he is saying or doing is because it concerns DS in even the smallest form so he's in the right and I'm wrong. I always then second guess myself and keep open contact with him because I'm not used to this, I don't know what he should know or what is none of his business. I do know that what happens with this baby is not his business. Up until now though he just has a way of getting me confused or twisting situations to sound like everything involves DS and therefore him.
I know I need to cut him off and I'm extremely thankful that FI understands and he is trying to be supportive and protective of me. He sees the situation and feels that he is helping me in drawing those lines for BF. I know it should be me doing it and I told FI I should be doing it and I feel awful that I haven't. I need to correct the situation but FI is worried about my stress and the pregnancy and he doesn't want me to engage BF at all at this point.
Have you considered therapy? Possibly one that involves role-playing? If you don't have the $$, there are books (like Boundries, although I haven't read it, I just know that others have recommended it for IL problems).
Also, silence is golden! You DO NOT have to text back to BF just because he texts you - unless it is directly about your son. Ignore, ignore, ignore, and if he asks "are you ignoring me?" ignore him some more! When you see him in person (at a drop off, for example), tell him you will not answer any questions aboout your personal life, and that if he keeps using texts to harass you, then you will demand some other form of communication.
You are right, I'll try those things and see how they go and I'll definitely look for that book.
No BF brought it up out of purely being nosey. We haven't even told DS yet so he absolutely has not said anything to BF. If he had and BF came to me with something DS said that would be very different.
BF dropped DS off yesterday and we all sat and talked about it and have an understanding that BF and I will only be discussing DS and nothing more. BF also went outside to talk to FI and he told FI that he was sorry and he is just somewhat jealous because he had always thought that he would be the one giving DS a sibling with me. I think he is just reaching a point in his life where he is realizing he probably won't have any other children and he is having a hard time dealing with this himself. It has nothing to do with DS so I'm glad we all are on the same page now and I can go back to my life without worrying about BF.