I am a horrible person

Mrs&Dr2b · April 2012

So I am currently 6w4d. I am not ready to tell anyone, I have a cousin that knows and you guys and that is it. I am definitely not ready to tell my very loving and supportive, overly in love with her other nephew, desperately wants children sister.

She e-mailed me today to invite me to our favorite winery and restaurant for dinner. I haven't seen in her in two weeks because I have been busy and then horribley riddled with m/s. I feel pretty good today and don't want to distance her or make her feel like I am avoiding her so I said yes but that would have to drink alone........as I am on antibotics. I feel so terrible lying to her. She then, being the concerned loving sister she is, asked why I was on antibiotics and rather than just saying I had a sinus infection I SPUN THIS WHOLE STORY about being on antibiotics and prednisone for a sinus infection that I caught on top of a stomach flu (Figuring if I get nauseous at dinner I can just say that it is the stomach flu coming back).

I cannot wait for 12 weeks so I can just tell her and be done with all this subterfuge.

SummerOH · April 2012

It's ok. My sister is 16 weeks and I'm 5. They tried for almost 2 years before she finally conceived. Me? First cycle off BC, quite a surprise. I would normally tell her but I'm waiting until 10-12 weeks because I want her to have her moment in the spotlight all to herself, you know? Anyway, most days we go on long walks with our dogs in the evenings (live a couple bocks apart) and I've been bailing the past week due to nausea, fatigue, and dizziness. Same thing - I've spun a whole long story when a simple stomach flu would've sufficed. I expect my next weeks will be a lot of storytelling just like yours and I'm sure we're not the only ones!

mommy510 · April 2012

I would go ahead and tell her. We waited to tell friends and co-workers until the 2nd trimester, but family members got a call right after the first appointment. It's not like she won't be happy for you. I know that it's hard when the person really wants their own children, especially if they have been trying for a while (just speculating; I have a friend in that situation and telling her was hard). The lies will hurt her way more than the truth.

sweetteaBV · April 2012

I have a SIL like your sister. We just told her a couple days ago over the phone, nonchalantly. I know that sounds cold and impersonal but hear me out!

It went much better than the first pregnancy announcement with her. We made a special trip to tell her in person (she cried and acted happy for us for the first 5 minutes but got weirdly mean and short after that.)

You could write her a letter or send a card maybe? We waited until we heard the heartbeat with this one just to be more sure. Good luck!

Buttercup619 · April 2012

mommy510:
I would go ahead and tell her. We waited to tell friends and co-workers until the 2nd trimester, but family members got a call right after the first appointment. It's not like she won't be happy for you. I know that it's hard when the person really wants their own children, especially if they have been trying for a while (just speculating; I have a friend in that situation and telling her was hard). The lies will hurt her way more than the truth.

I agree with this.

KiraH28 · April 2012

I have been telling my family I have the stomach bug too and I'm starting to think that I should just tell them soon. I hate lying and it's going to start to get suspicious that I've been sick for weeks!

Mrs&Dr2b · April 2012

I have thought about telling her but my family has been through a lot of unexpected tragedy lately. My mother was placed on hospice a week before this sister's fiance was in an almost fatal car accident that has left him unable to drive or work. My mother then passed away and two weeks later so did our uncle.

I know when I tell my family I am pregnant they will all breathe a sigh of relief and happiness that good things are happening again and they will all be really hopeful. God forbid this baby doesn't stick I don't want to put my family through the devastation of a third loss. SO that is why am lying. I know she will forgive me in the long run. Even though I feel I am doing the right thing I just feel really guilty for lying.

simplylisa1974 · April 2012

I don't think you are a horrible person! And congrats on your pregnancy! I can relate to you in a way. My sister had given birth via c-section in 1997, and had complications, they couldn't stop her internal bleeding and had to do an emergency hysterectomy, she was 17. She had a healthy baby girl, who is now 15, but our Dr told her had she waited until she was in her 20's she may not have ever been able to carry a child. My oldest daughter and niece are 18 months apart, and then I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter when my 1st was only 6 months! Then 2 years later came baby #3! It was so difficult to announce and be excited due to her depression. Now 10 years later I am expecting baby #4!! So my husband and I made the announcement to her and her husband at dinner. It was not easy, but not something I wanted to hide from her, or her find out from someone else. We found out so early too, I am only 9 weeks now. Sorry for the long drawn out story, the point is I can relate. I have never been someone who can wait to share the news though, but I have also had 3 prior great pregnancies. Good Luck! We looked at it as a time to be excited, sadly others feelings sometimes aren't the priority!

Stillharbor · April 2012

It's okay. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship and she'll understand. My sister got pregnant for the 2nd time. I recently found out that she was reluctant to try again b/c she knew that we had been trying for almost 2 years and had several IUI's that had failed. And when she did get pregnant before I did, she actually apologized when she told us. I was excited for her and felt bad that she felt bad that she was successful twice while we were still having problems.

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