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Natural Birth
MidwestSeashell
member
i want to birth unassisted
MidwestSeashell
member
we're doing a natural, med-free birth center birth (first timers). whereas most pregnant ladies i talk to are looking for a lot of outside help and reassurance from OBs, midwives, ultrasounds, dopplers, etc...i'm finding that i'm really just looking for some space.i'm feeling ferociously protective of this experience.
unfortunately homebirth in my state is illegal (bonkers, right?) or i'd be at home but the birth center is the next best thing and my midwives seem to be picking up my vibe. i honestly don't even want them in the room unless i call for them. i just want it to be my husband and i.
is anyone else feeling this way? am i missing something?
i looked into doulas today and i just can't get excited about the idea of someone else being there. i feel like there's some chunk of info i'm missing. any veteran mama's have any thoughts on these feelings?
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Re: i want to birth unassisted
I think it makes sense. Just let your midwife know and write in your birth plan that you want to be left alone as much as possible.
I personally hate all the hubub of the hospital experience because I too just wanted to be left alone, especially considering that the only place I could labor was on the toilet (if you know what I mean) and I definitely didn't want anyone up in there with me. It was very embarrasing because I am a pretty modest person when it comes to that sort of thing and I just wanted to be left alone. I think the less is more moto is perfect for birth.
Definitely talk to the hospital and your midwife about their policies. They do have to check on you but they can do it very discreetly. You can even ask to have the lights dimmed etc. It really just depends on the nurse you get when you are in labor. They really can make or break the experience. For the most part, they chose to be in their profession because they genuinely care about their patients and want the best for them so I hope that they will respect your wishes for a hands off labor experience (as much as possible). Make sure your hubby is aware of your desires and plans so that he can be your advocate.
9 angels in heaven-3 in my arms and 1 in the NICU
Mono/di twin girls: Josephine born to heaven and Evangeline born Earthside at 25w
Are there clandestine home birth midwives in your area? Sometimes there are networks, you just have to know how to tap into it.
This could be flammable and is completely my personal opinion, but...I just don't think this is something women are meant to do on their own. I think the idea that birth is a very personal experience is a new one, and I don't think it makes much sense, anthropologically speaking. If I'm wrong, please educate me. Childbirth, in my experience, was psychologically isolating enough even with my husband, our midwife, a nurse, and our doula there. I think the vulnerability women feel needs support.
I get what you're saying Over, bc I'm like you. But you have to remember each woman is different and each labor is different. Kind of like how different some people mourn- some like to be surrounded by supportive people, some like solitude. I definitely am the type of person who needs constant feedback and support, while a friend of mine just delivered her 18w gest. baby alone and sent her hubby home even. I don't understand it, but I I don't think she was "wrong" if ykwim.
Plus, if you look at birthing habits of other mamals (ie horses) it makes more sense why some women feel more protected when they're left alone.
Anthropologically speaking, there are cultures where women sometimes birth alone. There is a good description of one unassisted birth in the book Nisa if anyone is interested.
That said, I think having an unassisted birth when you have access to good care is unwise. Why not ask if the MWs can be in the room but not interfere unless something is necessary? At my HB the doctor sat back and besides some intermittent monitoring with the Doppler, he did not do anything except help with some sticky shoulders. It was the best of both worlds IMO.
My midwives are all on board with staying in the background for my birth (a planned home birth) I would just talk to them about how you feel and as pp said put it in your birth plan. Your body knows how to give birth and having someone trying to direct you in a way you don't need direction can be very distracting. Best of luck!
BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
I completely understand where you're coming from. I am such a private person when it comes to intimate and personal experiences like childbirth. I prefer to be left alone in grief and I also prefer to fight my battles alone. I'm not anti-social, I just feel like certain times and experiences are best left for the individual (or in this case, couple) to fully experience without interruption.
That being said, I had the same mindset going into my first birth. I had a natural birth plan with a midwife at a hospital and insisted on no doula, no interruptions, and my husband being my only support. I did NOT want anyone else there if they didn't have to be. I, however, couldn't do it on my own. My husband tried to help me, but he was as experienced in childbirth as I was--that is, not at all. I called for the nurse and asked if there was anything she could do to help me, but she wasn't obligated to stay by my side and could only offer me the basic "hospital" procedures.. walking, birthing ball, or drugs. I felt very overwhelmed and wished so badly that I had someone experienced with me to help me cope. I ended up having an epidural.
I don't mean to scare you or underestimate your ability birth naturally at all, I just wanted to share my experiene. If I could go back, I would have at least had someone (a doula, or another experienced natural birther) on standby in case I needed them. I didn't even have anyone I could call.
I'm sure there are things you can do (and it seems like you already are) to be more prepared than I was. Having your birth at a birthing center is a great step in the right direction. I think it's great that you feel so empowered to do it on your own and experience the intimacy that can be childbirth. I would explain your desires to your midwife and ask that she respect your wishes unless in the midst of labor you change your mind (which could very well happen..
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Best of luck to you!
"Understanding this first, that no prophecy of scripture is made by private interpretation. For prophecy came not by the will of man at any time: but the holy men of God spoke, inspired by the Holy Ghost." Peter 2:1:20
thank you all for your thoughtful responses.
i agree that the process is probably a bit different for everyone, like grieving, an excellent point. oh and i don't mind the horse reference one bit! haha, not a bad animal to be compared to
i've still got quite a bit of time as i'm only 13.5 weeks along so i'm open to my feelings changing but right now i'm feeling pretty strongly about this. i feel very grateful for my midwife who seems to understand and even encourage this perspective. one of my girlfriends just gave birth there and said it was pretty much unassisted except for the intermittent monitoring. i'll make sure to be very clear about it in my birth plan and vocally.
you ladies are awesome!
i'm curious if anyone else reading this had thought they wanted no (or minimal intervention) until they were actually in the process and then wanted tons of support..?
we were posting at the same time, you completely answered my last question
This is what I'm doing for my home birth. I've asked that my MW and her assistant / doula be there to witness and assist or intervene if it's requested or becomes necessary. This is the first for DH and me and we really want this to be our own experience as much as possible. We knew this was what we wanted straight away and expressed that during or consultation. At the first appointment (12 weeks) our MW even asked if it was okay to use the doppler to find the heartbeat, rather than just assuming it was something I wanted done.
I am not sure what you mean exactly by unassisted. Was the MW in the room, keeping an eye on things when your friend delivered? If so, that is not really unassisted. Unassisted means not having a medical professional present.
To answer your last question--usually when I am sick or in pain I want to be left alone. But in labor, I really need emotional support. Your question makes it sound like you are conflating support with intervention, but they are not the same at all. And don't discount the value of having an experienced, knowledgeable person there. If your baby is in a weird position for example, they can recognize the signs and help you turn them or find a good position for delivery. It is hard to know sometimes what you will like or dislike in labor until you are in the midst of it. And it could vary from one delivery to another too.
This is bonkers! So....I would assume that "planned" homebirth is illegal. But what if, say, you just never went to the hospital. I mean, they can't prove that you just didn't have a super-fast birth. What are they going to do? Arrest you?
This is bonkers! So....I would assume that "planned" homebirth is illegal. But what if, say, you just never went to the hospital. I mean, they can't prove that you just didn't have a super-fast birth. What are they going to do? Arrest you?
This is bonkers! So....I would assume that "planned" homebirth is illegal. But what if, say, you just never went to the hospital. I mean, they can't prove that you just didn't have a super-fast birth. What are they going to do? Arrest you?
I had a birth center birth. My CNM was great, and I only knew they were there if I asked them a question or did something and they asked if I needed something. (like look at them, reach for something, etc.) The only people in the room, ever were the midwife, NP and DH. It was great.
I went in very prepared - read everything, talked to a ton of people. That being said, I really needed someone who knew what was going on to "guide me" through the process. They were very gentle, never told me to do anything, and really stayed out of the way. They whispered and I barely knew they were there. DH was great, but he was clueless. I did hear them tell him things, like to make sure I was drinking and such. I was in such my own world that I think they could have been louder/more around and I wouldn't have known.
I am extra glad that we weren't alone because LO's cord was around her neck, and while it was not a medical emergency, it was preventing her from coming down the birth canal fully. So I would push, LO would come down, then as soon as I relaxed she would get pulled back up by the cord. The MW had to go in and try to unwrap the cord, but couldn't and she eventually cut it. Had I not been in the Birth Center I am afraid that we would have had no clue what was going on and I would have been pushing for a long, long time and it could have turned out bad.
So, IMO, stress to your MW's that you don't want anyone around, and when they are, you want them to be quiet, whisper, don't interrupt, talk to your DH instead of you, - those sorts of things. I am willing to bet that they will be happy to follow your wishes.
Home birth itself is not illegal in any state as far as I know. But there are some states where direct-entry midwives are not legal, or where CNMs cannot attend births at home. But it is still legal to have an unassisted birth at home (or a physician-attended birth at home, but that is extremely rare).
The MW was out of the room for the majority of the labor and only came into the room periodically to check on things. She was in the room for the birth but stood back while the husband caught the baby. I guess i was using "mostly unassisted" to mean that the MW was mostly hand-off and even out of the room for a lot of it. She was present in the birth-center for the whole birth though.
I agree that, especially since it's my first time, it's hard to tell how i'll feel in the process. That is why I so greatly appreciate boards like this that offer insights from mamas who have been through it
this is true. home birth in itself is not illegal but assisted home birth is, that is, CNM cannot legally attend. still bonkers. it's us and one other state, alabama, i think.
anyway, you're very right, they couldn't very well arrest you if you were unable to get to the birth center or hospital on time but you're MW would be in hot water if she came to help you.
Yep, the MW can get in big legal trouble in those states if something goes wrong. I live in a state where direct-entry midwives are illegal (although CNMs can legally do home births). My doula told me about midwives who hide in the closet and call 911 when something goes wrong. I think DEMs and CNMs should be legal to attend home births in every state (and regulated). It puts mothers and babies at risk when they cannot have a legal home birth and a seamless transfer if necessary.
I'm the type who loves having tons of support around me. My husband and I have joked about throwing a pool party in our backyard for all our friends while I give birth in our hot tub
That said, with DS's birth, my midwife asked me what sort of role I wanted her to play. She said that as long as things were looking good, she was totally fine with sitting in a different room, just coming in to silently check the baby's heartbeat every 10-15 minutes, but otherwise leaving me to labor on my own. I think she needed to be in the same room while I was pushing, but was fine with sitting in a corner and letting me do my thing and letting DH or me catch the baby if we wanted.
It sounds like you're getting a good vibe from your midwives and so I'm sure they'd be supportive of that request if you made it.
As for people who wanted minimal assistance going into labor and ended up wanting support, there was an episode of "Labor of Love" where a woman was having a homebirth and really wanted it to be her and her husband, with her midwife playing a very "hands-off" role. She ended up having a difficult labor, culminating with shoulder dystocia, and was VERY glad that the midwife was there to step in when needed.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
I completely understand where you're coming from.
Throughout my whole pregnancy I kept saying that I just wanted to go for a walk in the woods, have my baby, and then come back home. I didn't want a doctor/midwife, I didn't want a doula, I didn't even want my husband. I wanted to be left alone and I wanted to be outside. I felt so frustrated and angry that other people were going to be there and I expressed that to my midwife.
She was awesome and said that she didn't feel there was any reason for other people to be there if I didn't want them and noted it in my file and said to put in on my birth plan. She said that my feelings on birth are natural and very much in line with how woman all over the world have birthed.
I wanted to do home birth but there were laws in place restricting licenced midwives from attending home births up until I was 30 weeks. At that point my midwife actually left her practice and now does exclusively home birth. Needless to say, I'll be going that route with her next time.
thank you mamas, you are wonderful
also, pansypants-Henry is my favorite boy name!! if LO is a boy he'll be a Henry too!
I laboured at home. It was just DH and I for the first 10 hours or so; we called the doula at 9 pm and went to the hospital at 10 pm. I was fully dilated when I got there. My doctor came and essentially watched the show for a couple hours from 11 to 1. She didn't really do much, but I was glad she was there. I also was beyond the point of caring who was in the room or what was really happening - I was fully immersed in my own experience.
I can appreciate the desire to let things happen on their own and not wanting to be coached on pushing. I can't really appreciate a true unassisted (no medical people there at all) birth. I don't know why anyone would totally turn her back on all support. Most cultures through time would have an experienced woman helping a mother give birth - and that came about for a reason.
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