- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
3rd Trimester
Overwhelmed re: Visitors
I just found out my dad is coming to visit us for a week just days before my due date. I told him it was fine, as long as he is willing to deal with either a very pregnant daughter or a newborn. Now I'm kind of wishing I had said no. I want to see him, but I really can't think of a worse time to have visitors. And for a week!
My mom is also planning to visit about a week after my due date, then my inlaws a few days later, then my sister. I'm just not sure I want that many guests. I am afraid I will feel like I'm running a B&B. I am stressed just thinking about it.
I can't really tell any of these people no at this point. How do I make the best of this situation so that I don't go crazy?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Overwhelmed re: Visitors
Oh geez, I wouldn't want to feel like I had to entertain all those people. There is nothing wrong with telling them visiting is fine but they need to find their own place to stay. Sometimes I can't believe people think that spending the night and several days at your home right after you had a baby is okay. I would automatically get a hotel or something if I was visiting someone out of town who just had a baby.
They also shouldn't expect you to entertain them. If anything they should be helping you out by doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning up, etc. But that's just me.
Can they stay somewhere else?
You would think that they would understand you wanting to have some family time with just you, DH, and LO for the first few days. It is pretty important bonding time. I personally would say "no" to visitors for the first two weeks. If people want to stop by to say hi then that is fine but full out having people be at your house 24/7 sounds intrusive.
well, if you can't tell them no (or just refuse to say no), then I'd have things for them to do while they are here, if they're willing. meals to help you make to feed all of them that are here. Buy the ingredients now so that they don't have to make something up, but have it ready for them. Or freeze meals to feed them while they are here. Or pay for a hotel for them.
Be ready to hide out a lot in your room for privacy in feeding/nursing/alone time.
I don't have any other suggestions if you can't say no.
ETA: Maybe have ideas for them to do while they are in town that don't include you. A zoo? a park? a movie? A musuem? Sounds like they are traveling, so tell them now about the tourist opportunities they should take advantage of.
Why can't you tell them no? We told everyone not to make firm plans until we know when Baby's arrival is (so... when the baby is born, we'll make firm plans). We've told everyone we won't accept overnight visitors for the first 10 days. The only family that would come and not stay with us is my grandparents and I told DH up front that they are pretty much an exception to any and all rules for me. They help when they can (they're gettin' up there in age so they don't do things like mow the yard or scrub the floors) and they almost always take care of (buy) dinner for us the whole time they're in town. AND they have the fewest expectations of me when it comes to entertaining. They'd 100% happy to sit on my couch and read to DS1 or build blocks with him all day.
Once the baby is born and our 10 days are up, we have three sets of people coming to visit, but all at separate times: My Dad and step mom; My sister & her fiance; my MIL and nephew... sometime later in the summer, one of my BFFs will come... I've already told her I won't be much fun while she's here. ALL of my guests for the first month or two know and understand that my job while they're here is not to entertain or even make sure they have clean sheets... my job is to make sure my baby is fed and cared for. If that means whipping my boob out while everyone else is eating, then they can deal with it or take dinner to another room.
I'm making lists of chores that they can do if they feel like they want to help, lists of activities they can do with/for our toddler and directions for things like laundry (mostly the cloth diapers) and dishes so that nothing gets accidently ruined by someone trying to help (these were all things suggested to me by my sister and grandparents since I have a hard time asking for help or even saying "yes" when someone offers help)
I guess it really depends on the type of relationship you have with your immediate family.
With my parents & sister I would have no issue giving them orders on what they could do to help out, nor would they have an issue doing a few chores. Luckily our family is all really close and both my parents & sister live within 3 minutes of our house. I've been on bed rest so they've already done some errands & small chores for DH and I. As far as my inlaws go I still feel awkward asking/having them do things for us, but DH certainly isn't shy to ask. They live just over an hour away and MIL has been amazing bringing us freezer meals every couple of weeks since I've been on bed rest since January.
If you're comfortable with your family there really isn't anyone better to see you at your worst post pp and be there to help out. I wouldn't feel bad having a melt down on my mother, i would a little with my mil (she's assured me it's ok and she's been there too) but definitely would feel bad about doing it in front of friends that don't have kids. I agree it would be overwhelming to constantly have guests and since our families live so close we won't have anyone really staying. Our mom's may a few nights so we can get a break in. But we will have family in and out constantly and I'm looking forward to that because we know they will dive right in and take care of things around the house so we're able to focus on LO and recovery from delivery.
they are family. and theyre adults. so i would say give them a fair warning that you wont be able to do grocery shopping or cooking but that if they still want to visit that it would be great to have some helping hands around.
theyve been parents before too. they know the challenges you face. and i think you will be surprised how nice it will be to have other adults around you can talk to.
our families are close with us and they have been awesome throughout my pregnancy with cooking for us and just helping us all around. its brought us all closer together. my mom even does my laundry sometimes now that i am 8 months pregnant. the little things make a big difference.let your family be there for you.
I'm having the same issue. My FIL, BIL and his fiance, DH's grandparents and possibly two family friends all plan on dropping everything and rushing up here (they live in Manhattan, we live in Upstate NY) as soon as they hear I am in labor. We have already made it pretty clear that no one can stay at our apartment, as we only have a two bedroom and one room is the office/nursery (we got rid of our futon to make room for the crib). So they know they aren't staying here, and they know that they are going to have to rent a car or take taxi's.
BUT- these are people who are used to being entertained, going out to dinner, etc. DH's grandparents have already said something about going to Niagara Falls (about a hour away) and touring the Fingerlakes wine country (about a hour away). Because they don't know the area, I know they are expecting my DH to play host, and I have no idea what they think I am going to do with a newborn on a wine tour (obviously I wouldnt be going, but I don't want DH gone all day entertaining his family who are supposedly coming up to see LO). They will want to go out for every meal. They will not be helpful in terms of laundry/dishes, and will sit for hours in my tiny living room drinking wine and being incredibly loud while I am alone in the bedroom with Owen, trying to nurse, pump, sleep.....
I am going to have to have a very frank discussion with my DH, and you will too. We will both have to decide what we are willing to put up with , and what we won't. We will have to compromise, but so will our families. Good luck to both of us!
I know you're trying to be sweet and accommodating, but I think it's time to practice saying no and sticking up for your family. It's not too late to tell the guests who were planning to come that you're getting anxious about your commitments, and could you just play it by ear after baby's born? You could let them know they're welcome to come if they stay in a hotel, you just have the feeling you're biting off more than you can chew having overnight guests when you really don't know what to expect out of yourself or your baby when you get home from the hospital.
It's okay to say no!
Good luck.
we live on the other side of the country from both of our parents so it's a given they would be here once the baby arrives
DH's parents will be staying in a hotel but still they will be hanging out at our house most of the day. My mom has been here since before my due date and will be for a month after. She's staying at our house. My dad will be here for about a week staying here too
I told them that our dr said that their job is to take care of "their baby" so I can take care of mine. Therefore, they are cooking, cleaning, etc. I know they will want to spend time with the baby but we need that bonding time and they need to respect that. Of course, we'll let them hold the baby, etc but not all the time.
I plan on telling them to go out and do things during the day. There's only so much someone else can do for a newborn and I'll be home most of the time in the beginning so t
We live on opposite coasts of the US, and my parents planned to get here 9 days after my due date and stay for a week to help out. DS was born 9 days late -- about 1 hour before they arrived by plane. They were staying with us in our 1000 sq ft home, as they always do when visiting.
At first I thought the timing was awful and wanted alone time with my new baby before visitors came. But it turned out to be the best thing ever. Our first night home from the hospital DS never slept more than a 15 minute stretch, and wasn't BFing yet. My mom sat up with me the ENTIRE night. Over the next few days, my dad prepared and froze meal after meal after meal. They cleaned, made sure I took my post-C-section meds, etc. The parents who would normally drive me nuts in a week turned out to be angels.
Depending on your relationship and how helpful/unobtrusive you think they'll be, I would just play it by ear. Unless they are really out of whack, they should totally get the hint if you are too exhausted to have them around, if you really need their help, if you want them to leave for a few hours, etc. The beauty of being a brand new mom is you can boss people around and tell them exactly what you want, and people tend to listen to your crazy, sleep-deprived self. I wouldn't even think for one second about entertaining them.