Post your DH vent - GO!

karma79 · April 2012

Dear DH,

1 - It is not a competition on who is more tired/getting the least amount of sleep. But if it was a competition I would win every.single.time. You are up 1 time to my 20 times, atleast. You don't realize this b/c YOU GET TO SLEEP! And even though DS isn't up, it doesn't mean I'm not sneaking in and checking on him when he's too quiet.

2 - Can we stop talking about your weight and hair - my god, who is the woman around here. I get it, you are striving for the perfect weight, on.the.dot. - will you please listen to me when I say that weight fluxuates! Also please stop saying "I can't understand why I can't get UP to the weight I want" when you are 3 lbs from this magic number - I'm working hard to lose weight, and I'm doing it silently. I've lost 42 flipping lbs and I've got more to lose. You're disbelief at your perfect weight makes me insane. You're super sensitive about your hair so it's the same as every time you are sensitive about your hair, I throw out how I can't believe how perfect my hair is. STFU on both accounts!

3 - I'm sorry you caught DS's cold. It sucks, I know. What sucks more - having the cold while DS has the cold raging thru his little body. You get to lay down and rest as much as you want, even take off work for yourself. I had to take off to take care of DS and then get the same cold and still take care of him, the house and cook Easter dinner for us since we couldn't go anywhere.

Love,

Your Wife and Mother of Your Child (WHO ROCKS!!!)

This PIP says it all:

jinx75 · April 2012

This post could not have come at a better time...

* The breastmilk in the freezer isn't going anywhere!! It's DD's only food source so suck it up and deal or come off the money from savings to buy me a deep freezer.

*I don't honestly care how sleep deprived you are from rocking DD back to sleep the last two nights. I have been the only one caring for her 24/7 since birth so quit your crying.

*Boofrigginwho, you have to sweep and mop the floor, clean the bathroom and help with meals and laundry on your days off because I have our infant daughter permanantly attached to my breast and our 4 yr old permanently attached to my hip.

And I swear if he complains one more time that he's not getting enough sex I am going to smother him with a pillow in his sleep. Forget that (and this is totally TMI) we only see each other on weekends and last weekend we did it FOUR times!!!! He wouldn't last 5 minutes in my shoes on any given day. Sex is the last thing on my mind when I have a full time job, two kids and a house to take care of.

Man did I need that vent!!

ETA:OMG Karma that picture is hilarious and oh so true!!!

jay-tea · April 2012

Dear DH,

I'm so glad you agreed that it was better to put the house on the market than try and renovate... and so happy that we got an offer in 48 hours.

However, going psycho and pulling the house of the market, turning down the (full price) offer and calling in a contractor to make renovations does not really endear you to me right now as I worked very hard to get the house market ready with TWO KIDS underfoot... and NOW after all that BS you're thinking of trying to sell AGAIN because you don't want to deal with renovation dust?

Bite me.

And also.. I appreciate that you pick up both kids from daycare after work since I'm the one to wake them up, get them dressed and out the door in the morning.. but seriously.. you need to go ahead and start dinner when you get home at 6 since I don't get home til 6:30 and DS goes to bed at 7:30. I'm not super woman and being greeted at the door with "thank God you're home they're driving me crazy, now deal with them and make dinner at the same time" kinda pisses me off.

OH.. and if you REALLY spent 24/7 doing the laundry and cleaning the house and NEVER getting any time to yourself.. then the laundry would probably be done and the house would probably be clean and you probably wouldn't have put a man sized dent in the bed from laying there 15 hours a day.

Just an observation.

jay-tea · April 2012

jay-tea:
Dear DH,
I'm so glad you agreed that it was better to put the house on the market than try and renovate... and so happy that we got an offer in 48 hours.
However, going psycho and pulling the house of the market, turning down the (full price) offer and calling in a contractor to make renovations does not really endear you to me right now as I worked very hard to get the house market ready with TWO KIDS underfoot... and NOW after all that BS you're thinking of trying to sell AGAIN because you don't want to deal with renovation dust?
Bite me.
And also.. I appreciate that you pick up both kids from daycare after work since I'm the one to wake them up, get them dressed and out the door in the morning.. but seriously.. you need to go ahead and start dinner when you get home at 6 since I don't get home til 6:30 and DS goes to bed at 7:30. I'm not super woman and being greeted at the door with "thank God you're home they're driving me crazy, now deal with them and make dinner at the same time" kinda pisses me off.
OH.. and if you REALLY spent 24/7 doing the laundry and cleaning the house and NEVER getting any time to yourself.. then the laundry would probably be done and the house would probably be clean and you probably wouldn't have put a man sized dent in the bed from laying there 15 hours a day.
Just an observation.

OH.. and YES I get gym time because I take advantage of the fact that the gym is 24/7 and I go after the kids go to bed OR I take them with me and they go to the play room (which they love). The reason YOU don't get gym time is because you come home and eat 4 sandwiches before dinner and are too full to go. AND you don't wake up til 7:15 when you have to be out the door by 7:45.. if I hear one more time about how you need to wake up at 5 to go to the gym I'll really let you have it... if you need to wake up.. DO IT! I don't feel sorry for people that can control their situations but would rather complain than take action!

biddy53178 · April 2012

I don't really have a lot to add aside from...why does he ALWAYS put empty stuff back in the fridge, cubbord, shower etc. that one drop of vanilla creamer isn't going to cut it for my coffee...

ksulli · April 2012

Uhoh. DH & I have been in a good place lately, but fading the above, I'm reminded: 1) your version of sleep deprived is nowhere near mine. For 6 mos I was he o my one to get up with dd at night. Only in the past 3 mos have you begun to participate- and that's only to change a diaper & give her to me to feed, I continue to wake up each time you do because I BF that little beast (seriously, she's off the charts) and the. Return her to her crib. I promise I've missed more sleep than you have. Ecausemi I listen to you snore

2) I love that you spend some time with A after DC while waiting for me to get home. This totals approximately 4 hrs a week, and does not relieve you of parenting duties for the weekend. I also get dd & myself out of the house each morning more or less on my won.

3) yes, you mow the lawn, which I've never done. This needs to be done every other week, for 9 mos of the year. I clean the house every weekend, all year round. These do not cancel eachother out. The vaccine is in the downstairs closet, feel free to use it. Also, cleaning products are under the kitchen & bathroom sinks. You could use them.

Love you!

lauralew · April 2012

Had this been posted earlier this week I would have had a page to write, but we had a huge fight and then worked it out. Same fight we were having about once a week...hope this one resolved it!!

But, this is what I would have said earlier this week.

Dear Jackwagon who gets to sleep at least six uninterrupted hours every night,

Our son was up all night screaming because he has a cold. I was up with him. It's supposed to be my first day back to work. I got no sleep. So when I wake you up before you're alarm goes off (but you have been sleeping for six hours) to ask for help, do it without complaint. And if you do decide to complain or get upset, please don't say it's because our son has been screaming in your face since you woke up. Because I've been listening to him scream for the last eight hours while you slept with ear plugs in.

Also, when our children ARE screaming, talking to them in a firm voice doesn't help. They can't understand you, and you are actually pissing them off more. I'm surprised you haven't figured out what calms them down since you watch me do it on a daily basis.

Furthermore, stop getting annoyed with them waking up an hour or so after we put them down at night. They are three months old. We are lucky the sleep for five to six hour stretches most nights. Scratch that. I'M LUCKY because you get to sleep at night.

Finally, stop making snide comments about being annoyed about how messy the house is and how there are bottles strewn all over the living room coffee table. Sorry, it's hard to wash bottles with two babies to care for...and if they are sleeping I AM GOING TO SLEEP. I don't care about the house. It's fine. And if you ever say again "You know, when I'm not here I AM at work...working," I might punch you. Yes I know you're working, but WTF do you think I'm doing???? I'm working, too, assshat!! I just don't get paid for it.

With love,

Your amazing wife

D&D4Ever7 · April 2012

Dear DH,

Could you please stop watching movies all the time, while DS is up?

love you lots

Ernie52408 · April 2012

Dear DH-

I'm very sorry you haven't "gotten lucky" lately, but until this raging bladder infection clears up you need to take of business yourself.

And if you could clean up your sh!t laying all over the kitchen that would be swell too. I work hard to try and keep the house looking presentable. How hard is it to take 15 minutes at the end of the night to put away your crap?

Thanks!

FutureMrsWittig · April 2012

Dear DH,

I do not understand why you refuse to communicate with me before you make assinine plans that totally eff up all my carefully laid plans. I make a meal plan for a reason. I change my schedule at work to make your life easier. It would be helpful if you would listen and pay attention.

It is not helpful that you asked your dad to take SD to softball practice tonight. I specifically arranged to come into work early and leave early to take her. I told you this before and after I did so. You know damn well I will not go to her practice with your parents and listen to them give all the dirty details of our custody battle to anyone who will listen and make excuses for why your sister defaulted on her student loans on which you are the cosigner.

I also will not be joining them (and presumably you) for pizza. I will be preparing the meal I planned before you so rudely jacked up my entire afternoon.

Sincerely,

Your wife

PS: when your dad calls and wants to know where SDs softball gear is and you realize it's in the trunk of your car, don't worry, I took it out this morning. But I fully intend to let you sweat for awhile before I tell you that.

rosenb2b · April 2012

Oh boy this could get long.

Dear wonderful H,

I'm so freakin sorry that you only got 7 hours of sleep last night in a row. I get both LOs ready for bed, fed and sleeping before I get to go to sleep and then have all of the overnight feedings plus get up at 4 to go to work. Gee, sorry that your "Schedule" only allowed 7 hours.

Why do you think you are entitled to sleep in on the weekends? I have things I want to do to and need to do for our family. I can't make plans, get errands done early, etc because it interferes with your sleep schedule. Please refer to Paragraph 1 for sleep problem #1.

Please do not ever again complain that you only got to see a few innings of the game because the lines were too long and you had to leave early to get DS1 to a committment YOU made without discussing with me. I did not agree to enroll him in yet another sport, did not agree to put him in practices two nights per week, etc. You made the committment, you need to make it happen. And for the record, a 2 month old does not need to be outside for extended periods in cold weather at said practices. Not my commitment - not my problem.

I cannot help it that DS2 cries every time you touch him. If you would stop sleeping so d@mn much, maybe he would have time to get to know you and not want his mommy all of the time. When our precious #2 cries, the way to get him to stop is not to raise your voice and scare the sh@& out of his little body. Get your lazy @ss up and walk around. Sportscenter comes on quite a few times a day...and that ticker thing at the bottom of the screen repeats and repeats and repeats. What a novel idea!!

I am not an octopus. I have 2 hands. I cannot pick up the kids, make dinner, feed baby, help DS1 with homework, eat, work, etc., all at once. A little help would be nice.

If you make any more references to not getting any, I will close up shop for the next 20 years. If you read and re-read the above, you will see that I don't have time to go to the bathroom alone, much less entertain you!

My job is demanding. I have a 5 yr old and a new baby to deal with once I get home. I don't want to come home after being gone all day to your pissy attitude. I'd like a few minutes of peace each day and I'm not getting it. NOT.GOOD

I still love you.

Love, your exhausted wife and Captor of your spermies which resulted in two amazing boys

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