Tough day... need to vent!

Jbromberg1985 · April 2012

Hi all! So I've had a really rough day and just need to vent a bit, so I apologize in advance. Ok, so we have been TTC for about 14 months now and obviously have not been successful. Right now, we know that I have PCOS and my FI has a good sperm count but low motility. We have both seen our drs and have an appt set up with a recommended RE in town. Getting some answers and taking a proactive approach was a really positive thing for me.

Then you get the people who are just completely naive!!! A good friend of mine just told me she's prego and they weren't trying at all. In fact, they were planning their wedding and had to move it up to accommodate this unexpected pregnancy. Well, of course babies are blessings and I tried to be happy for her because she said that she was really excited, but then she proceeds to try and give me advice on getting pregnant when she knows (to a certain extent) what we have been going through. I was so taken aback and felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I felt like saying "how dare you try and tell me what to do when yours just happened without any care, NTM effort. WTH do you know about getting pregnant? What do you know about the heartbreak I feel every month when AF arrives?" I was able to restrain myself because like I said, I don't think she did it maliciously, it was just one of those things that triggered my emotions and frustrations.

Thanks for letting me get all of that out!

KtrynReu · April 2012

Sometimes... even when people aren't saying things maliciously, it's hard to bite your tongue. I'm impressed that you could wait to vent your frustrations until you got here - good job!

I think the fertiles that weren't even trying are the worst... they don't have any idea what one line feels like.

JenniferKrentzin · April 2012

I can totally sympathize with you! People just will never understand unless they have been in our situation. I am in the same boat as you, TTC now for 9 months and have seen a RE.

Friends will tell me they are preggers and send pics and a part of me is yes happy for them, but also I feel so angry and jealous. I think thats only natural!

Each month when I get my period, I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach! It's heartbreaking...I totally feel this way with you!

And of course when TTC, we are emotional...I cry a lot and get easily frustrated. My husband can say the littlest thing to me and I blow it way out of proportion (even though I don't admit to that)!

Is this your 1st TTC?

Deep breaths! You are SO NOT ALONE! Even though you may feel it, you aren't! That's one reason I joined this!

twistsandturnsto2 · April 2012

In the last week, I've been told to pray, relax, and don't work so hard and I will get pregnant.

Unfortunately, people have always, and will always hand out how to get pregnant advice. I've just come to expect it. It sucks, but I try not to let it get to me. I def have my bad days, too!

candyreesecup · April 2012

twistsandturnsto2:
In the last week, I've been told to pray, relax, and don't work so hard and I will get pregnant.

Unfortunately, people have always, and will always hand out how to get pregnant advice. I've just come to expect it. It sucks, but I try not to let it get to me. I def have my bad days, too!

THIS! My mom and friends used to say this all the time before we found out our IF issue. Now, they know about our issue, so they don't tell me that too often, but when I told one of my friend about my IUI BFN news, she texted me "praying will help"...I dropped my phone...there is no ending for this.

I totally understand what you are going through and proud of you not exploding in front of your prego friend! IF is definitely making us to have a thick skin and we have to tough it out when things like this happens, but luckily we have a 3T to vend when we need!

jakraft837 · April 2012

Just wanted to say you are not alone! It is hard to hear others get P with no effort or trying!

This is what my DH told me and it has helped me a little, so hopefully it helps you. Going thru all of this to have a baby together, makes us stonger as parents. We have to be a team to get thru this, same as when your parents. So it's like training for being parents. And the fact we are going to all these lengths...bloodwork all the time, the constent testing, ultrasounds, IUI; just shows how dedicated we already are to being parents. It's easy to have an "Opps!", but it really takes strength and dedication to do what us women here are doing.

You are strong and you will be a better parent because of that!

Hope you are feeling better soon!

And when all else face, punch the HE** out of a pillow; I do that alot too! LOL

JBDamonM · April 2012

jakraft837:

Just wanted to say you are not alone! It is hard to hear others get P with no effort or trying!

This is what my DH told me and it has helped me a little, so hopefully it helps you. Going thru all of this to have a baby together, makes us stonger as parents. We have to be a team to get thru this, same as when your parents. So it's like training for being parents. And the fact we are going to all these lengths...bloodwork all the time, the constent testing, ultrasounds, IUI; just shows how dedicated we already are to being parents. It's easy to have an "Opps!", but it really takes strength and dedication to do what us women here are doing.

You are strong and you will be a better parent because of that!

Hope you are feeling better soon!

And when all else face, punch the HE** out of a pillow; I do that alot too! LOL

This is awesome and incredibly well said. I am totally stealing it!

JBDamonM · April 2012

I am sorry to hear about your frustrations.

I can totally relate.

For me it's a little different - rather than get annoyed about other pepoles news - I just feel that there are some people I DONT want knowing about our IF battle.

Coincidentally enough many of these people are currently pregnant.

So I'm guessing this is my own defense mechanism,

Also - last night I had to hear from my sister how "I blew off my own niece and nephew on Easter." (B/c we spent the day with the in laws - and apparently nieces and nephews on that side of the family don't count.) This infiorated me. She knows all of the shi* I've dealt with in the past month and I"m all set with comments like that. Isn't it apparent to her that I"d kill for my own kids and the last thing I Want is guilt for not being an involved enough aunt?

My response was an F U and a hang up of the phone on her.

If I've learned anything in this battle so far it's that it is emotionally draining enough as is - I have no room for toxic people. I find myself making different choices now to avoid dealing with peoples antics and drama. IT's hard but when you can't bite your tongue the best thing to do is step aside!

I hope today is a better day for you!

JBDamonM · April 2012

And btw - we also suffer from low motility (other numbers aren't great but motility is the worst)..... I know first hand how maddening and frustrating it is.

Jbromberg1985 · April 2012

I really can't thank you all enough for letting me rant last night... and for all of your wonderful support and advice. I'm doing a little better today; just kind of having one of those 'I feel sorry myself' moments, but I know it'll pass.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on how excited we are to be taking the next steps to becoming parents, and how wonderful that moment will be when it comes!

alb245 · April 2012

That is so frustrating! Just the other day I had a friend pull me aside to "tell me something big" and my heart sank because I knew she was going to tell me she was pregnant. Fortunately (?) the news was that her and her FI eloping! I have plenty of those "Feel sorry for myself" moments. I'm glad this board is so supportive of vents!!

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