Couples Shower

bridetobe920 · April 2012

I think the answer to this is no, but I thought I would survey this board as well.

We were invited to a couples shower for friends next month. It is at 3 o'clock and the invitation came address to "Mr. and Mrs. Last Name" (as opposed to "The Last Name Family").

Am I correct in assuming that DD is not invited? We have only ever been to one other couples shower, and it was made clear that we could bring her (and there were other kids there, too).

TIA for your input!

Michellie7 · April 2012

I'm a lurker...

But I would think she IS invited. Seems like kids are always welcome to a baby shower. Esp since other kids will be there. They may have just addressed it that way not really thinking....

You could always ask, no biggie

ccam · April 2012

If I received an invite addressed to "Mr & Mrs", I would assume kids were not invited. If you're comfortable asking, I would double check when you respond.

mommabear17 · April 2012

Michellie7:
I'm a lurker...
But I would think she IS invited. Seems like kids are always welcome to a baby shower. Esp since other kids will be there. They may have just addressed it that way not really thinking....
You could always ask, no biggie

You should never assume that kids are invited if they are not specifically mentioned. If kids were invited, it would be addressed to the Smith Family.

In many places, it is not common to have children at showers.

Michellie7 · April 2012

I guess I should have kept my mouth shut. Sorry

EastCoastBride · April 2012

Michellie7:

But I would think she IS invited. Seems like kids are always welcome to a baby shower. Esp since other kids will be there. They may have just addressed it that way not really thinking....

You could always ask, no biggie

I've never been to a baby shower where kids were invited. A baby shower is about ONE mom and ONE baby - not "all babies". In some groups, "all babies" may be a given, but it's not a given everywhere. So it should never be assumed.

Especially a couples shower. Often times, a couples shower is geared to be more party like than shower like - and as such, they may not want kids there.

I don't even kjnow that I'd ask - it can put the host on the spot. If your child wasn't listed, I would assume they weren't invited.

mamayo26 · April 2012

If you want to bring DD, I would just ask. If you don't then don't bother asking.

We are having our couple shower tmw and kids are invited. they are also invited to my friend shower (if the mom wants to bring the baby) most of the kids are under 9 months so not a big deal other than possible crying).

Michellie7 · April 2012

I'm confused why so many aspects of baby shower etiquette are such delicate subjects. Is it really inappropriate to ask?

ETA: I read the OP wrong... I thought she said other kids will be there... my bad!

I guess it's just my region where kids are usually invited, and I haven't been to many couples showers... I am on Sunday though, and it's family so they just told me to bring LO.

I now understand that you shouldn't assume kids are invited. Thanks

dufferoo · April 2012

Yeah, that definitely sounds like you and your husband are invited, but not the kid! If you must ask, do it in a no-pressure way, like, "I'm assuming it's just for Jimbo and I, but just wanted to double-check." If you say, "Can Jonny come too?" it puts them in an awkward position. I'm pretty sure they would have invited little Jonny if they wanted him there.

mommabear17 · April 2012

Michellie7:
I'm confused why so many aspects of baby shower etiquette are such delicate subjects. Is it really inappropriate to ask?
I guess it's just my region... again sorry I posted!

It's not really baby shower etiquette- this is etiquette in general. Bringing extra people to an event to which they were not specifically invited isn't okay. That's more cost for the hosts, more space needed (which, if they weren't expecting it, may cause major problems), etc. What if the venue only held a certain amount of people, and then these extra people show up? Or what if the hosts decided that it was going to be just adults? If someone shows up with kids, someone else may get upset because they wanted to bring their kids but didn't. And kids aren't welcome at all events.

This tends to be a big issue for weddings in particular.

Michellie7 · April 2012

mommabear17:
Michellie7:
I'm confused why so many aspects of baby shower etiquette are such delicate subjects. Is it really inappropriate to ask?
I guess it's just my region... again sorry I posted!
It's not really baby shower etiquette- this is etiquette in general. Bringing extra people to an event to which they were not specifically invited isn't okay. That's more cost for the hosts, more space needed (which, if they weren't expecting it, may cause major problems), etc. What if the venue only held a certain amount of people, and then these extra people show up? Or what if the hosts decided that it was going to be just adults? If someone shows up with kids, someone else may get upset because they wanted to bring their kids but didn't. And kids aren't welcome at all events.
This tends to be a big issue for weddings in particular.

Good point. I wasn't thinking of the big picture.

bridetobe920 · April 2012

Michellie7:

I'm confused why so many aspects of baby shower etiquette are such delicate subjects. Is it really inappropriate to ask?

ETA: I read the OP wrong... I thought she said other kids will be there... my bad!

I guess it's just my region where kids are usually invited, and I haven't been to many couples showers... I am on Sunday though, and it's family so they just told me to bring LO.

I now understand that you shouldn't assume kids are invited. Thanks

Don't be sorry, I appreciate your opinion! I was referring to another shower where it was clear that she WAS invited. For this one, however, the invite was only addressed to DH & I, so I am thinking she is not invited.

I don't know the hosts well enough to ask, so we are going to assume she is not, and get a sitter so we can go.

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!

Michellie7 · April 2012

bridetobe920:
Michellie7:

I'm confused why so many aspects of baby shower etiquette are such delicate subjects. Is it really inappropriate to ask?

ETA: I read the OP wrong... I thought she said other kids will be there... my bad!

I guess it's just my region where kids are usually invited, and I haven't been to many couples showers... I am on Sunday though, and it's family so they just told me to bring LO.

I now understand that you shouldn't assume kids are invited. Thanks

Don't be sorry, I appreciate your opinion! I was referring to another shower where it was clear that she WAS invited. For this one, however, the invite was only addressed to DH & I, so I am thinking she is not invited.

I don't know the hosts well enough to ask, so we are going to assume she is not, and get a sitter so we can go.

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!

Yea you're probably are right to figure she's not:) I opened a can of worms in this post lol... not used to that! Have fun at the shower!

drbethc · April 2012

ccam:
If I received an invite addressed to "Mr & Mrs", I would assume kids were not invited. If you're comfortable asking, I would double check when you respond.

This!

Katie829 · April 2012

I Heart The 80s:
It doesn't sound like children are invited. I have never in my life attended a baby shower with children in attendance. I don't really understand the concept actually.

I have been to so many showers where kids were invited. My own bridal shower, kids were not but my cousin brought her two kids. It wasn't a huge deal but a little boring.

My baby shower, I could care less. If kids want to come, so be it. But my mom wrote on the envelopes to the family, so it was implied they could come.

theboki · April 2012

I would check with the host/hostess. We did the same thing, but the children are DEFINITELY invited (and coming, after checking with our hostess). We just don't always know what we're doing when we write the invitations.

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