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Holly_1007
member
CP's how often do you 'remind' NCP
Holly_1007
member
If you are a CP and something is coming up in SC's life, how often do you tell/ remind NCP?
A few weeks ago BM handed DH a notice that her parent teacher conference was scheduled for today. I made a note of it in my google calendar just in case DH forgot. Last night he called to talk to SD (he does this most nights he doesn't have her) SD wasn't feeling well so BM actually got on the phone to discuss what was wrong with her (BM NEVER gets on the phone.) But she didn't mention or 'remind' DH of the conference (probably hoping he forgot, tbh)
I'm not saying its BM's job to make sure he's going to show up, but this has happened multiple times in the past. She really DOESN'T want DH to even be a part of SD's life (we have no idea why, she's just a manipulative biotch) so I'm just curious what you all do?
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Re: CP's how often do you 'remind' NCP
I think if she passed on the information about the conference, she's done her job. Many CPs don't even do that, since NCPs should be on the school's contact list and be getting mail from the school directly.
If the relationship is good, reminders could be made, but the parents are all adults and shouldn't need reminders from each other. I'm sorry if your DH missed the PT conference because he needed one, but that shouldn't fall on BM's shoulders.
She is obligated to atleast tell him about it, weather he receives his own notices or not.
but no, he didn't miss it, we both remembered. I'm not saying BM should have gone out of her way to call DH last night and remind him but since she already had him on the phone wouldn't it have been decent of her to even ask if he was going?
It depends on the situation. I make most of my SDs appointments. I will call BM when I make the appointment to verify that it works for her schedule and then I usually remind her once in the day or two leading up to it. If it's a game or an activity for school I'll check and double check if/when she is going. However, I do this because it is important to my SD that her mom is there. I don't think it is my responsibility to remind her. She's a grown up, she should be able to remember these things. And sometimes, despite reminders, BM still forgets or just doesn't show up.
It's good that BM told him about the conference. Just make sure he writes this stuff down when he finds out about it.
Is this in the CO or something? Because otherwise she really isn't. The ONLY school thing BM has shared with us was picture order forms, because the school only wants one per kid. We have to check the school calander/newsletter for anything beyond that.
I agree with this.
BM sends us one txt with info. We are grown adults we don't need reminders from her. As DH's wife I may remind him but that is because I'm his wife. With other SS we do the same and send BM one txt. SS is older so I remind him to remind BM but that is because she is a flake.
I agree with all of this.
As long as BM informs DH of these events, she's done her job. Since you're all adults, why should she have to remind anyone? She was going to go to the conference either way I'm sure, so if DH didn't go it wouldn't affect her anyways.
In my case, if I make an appt for SD or SS (like a preschool tour or something), I send both DH and BM an Outlook appointment. Then I leave it up to BM to tell me if she is or is not coming.
yes it is in our CO that she keep us up to date on all notices sent home from the school and any and all appointments related to SD, including doctors, dentist, parent teacher conferences, etc.
thanks for the input everyone. I guess "remind" wasn't really the right word (I was hesitant to use it at first anyways hence why its in quotes in the subject title)
I do not think that BM is DH's babysitter, he told her once which is all she was obligated to do, and as his wife it was up to me to remind him. I completely understand that.
BM had the notice reminder, same as DS but the kids don't have school on the days of conferences, so she had to arrange a babysitter for both her kids so she could go to the conference, so I guess having the babysitter show up this morning would have been a reminder to her as well?
I'm not "looking" for trouble, trust me, we have enough with her. I just found it extremely odd that she didn't bring it up last night when she talked to DH, like I said I wasn't looking for a personalized phone call, but she already had him on the phone. The reason I said that it seems like she doesn't want him there is because this isn't the first time she has done stuff like this. or she will tell him something SO last minute that theres no way he could possibly make it.
I was just curious how other CP's handle these situations to see if this was the norm. I get that we are all responsible adults, that wasn't where I was going with this.
And she did just that. I don't understand why it seems you are looking for something to be mad at her about? This is really insignificant IMO.
Oh no, I have plenty of things to be mad at her about. I'm not mad about this, I just found it odd that having him on the phone last night she didn't bring it up. I was just wondering how other CP's/ NCP's handle it, that was all.
I don't remind XH of anything. Ever. One of the reasons our marriage was terrible is that I didn't want to be his mother/babysitter/planner.
Occasionally when something has been important to me (like when I need his written consent for DS to leave the country), I will contact him to confirm something. And I guess that's kind of like a reminder, but it's just because I don't want my plans to be messed up.
I even get annoyed when he asks me things he can easily look up on his own. I've emailed him the link to DS's school calendar, and he'll still ask me about the last day of school, spring break dates, etc. As far as I'm concerned, it should be up to him. It just reminds me of when we were married and the man could never microwave a damn thing on his own--"how long do I put this pizza in, honey??" gah!
someone had said that the only reminder BM had was the same notice that DH has, so they were equally involved in reminding themselves/ each other. Thats why I mentioned the babysitter as another "reminder" that BM would have that DH doesn't.
She did not end the call by saying "see you tomorrow" she said bye and hung up, never brought it up to even see if he was going, thats what I thought was odd.
haha too funny! We do have SD's school calendar printed out and on the fridge, so we know when she has holidays etc. This was something that a notice was sent home about a scheduled conference. BM made the appointment and then told DH when it was, she said if it doesn't work for you make your own apt and that was the end of it. Never called to see if he was coming or to 'remind' him of it, which is fine. The odd part to me was that they talked last night on the phone and she didn't mention it, almost like she was trying to hide it, or hope DH didn't show up. She's maniupulative like that.
I don't find it odd. IT might not have been on her mind if they were talking about other things. I obviously don't know her but trying to hide it would be not telling him about it in the first place. Maybe she did hope he didn't show up, only she would really know that. But manipulative isn't telling him about it but not reminding him. He could have also mentioned it to her while they were on the phone. If the time didn't work for him she already said to make his own so perhaps she assumed she would see him there and if not, he would be at a nother appointment.
I don't know her, she may be evil but from just doing what you are saying I think it's a stretch to call her manipulative.
I don't remind exh of anything, ever. And it's not because of any passive aggressive reasoning that I don't want him to attend things. It's simple: I don't like him. I don't like to talk to him. He does everything possible to make my life difficult, so I will not pay him any common courtesies beyond what I am required to do by the CO.
Fathers should be able to remember important appointments in their children's lives on their own and should not need a wife or ex-wife to enable and remind them, IMO.
It is wonderful when a BM and BF have a civil relationship like tifanico posted, and can say things like "see you tomorrow", but I think that is rare. I wish it was more common, but I think expecting that is unrealistic.
I don't think you can hold the fact that your BM had a sitter set up and therefore got an extra reminder and did not share it with your DH against her. Bottom line is that she did what she was required to do by the CO and that is that.
Like fellesferie said, the only time I ever remind exh about anything is if his forgetting will inconvenience me. Other than that, he's on his own. He's a big boy.
I'm the CP and I used to remind ex about appointments pertaining to ds. However, he would yell at me and say, "I know!" or "You don't have to tell me twice!" Even though I know him and how forgetful he is (we were together 11 years), I have stopped telling him things more than once. I am at everything and ds knows that. If ex wants to be at something, I tell him and assume he wrote it down.
Me no longer reminding him isn't some passive aggressive attempt at keeping him out of ds' life. I just hate talking to him because he is an ass to me. So why should I make more of an effort?
I think you are putting way too much stock in this. Your dh should keep track of the appointments for himself.
??? I didn't say he needed a reminder, he remembered on his own. weather he put it in his calendar or whatever. I just thought it was weird that she didn't mention it last night on the phone, was the whole point I'm trying to get across and to see if this was fairly common or if she was just being an uber ***.
he DOES keep track of the appointments, thats not where I was going with this AT ALL. I wasn't saying that BM should take the time out of her day to call and remind DH about the apt, but she already had him on the phone last night and didn't bring it up, I thought that was odd and was looking for some insight as to weather this is typical for CP's..
I talk to my ex every day when he calls my ds. I rarely remind him of anything anymore. If I've told him or emailed him about it, that's enough. If it's really important (like when ds was going to the doctor for a heart issue) we both remind each other. It has nothing to do with who is the CP in that case ... it's that we both feel things like that need both of us there. Otherwise, we expect the other keeps track of the things that are important to them.
BM is constantly reminding us and it actually drives me nuts! She's always texting or calling to tell me about something and then she rambles on for what seems like forever. I guess it just depends on the person.
BM doesn't talk to DH unless it's really important so she tells me about most things. With stuff concerning skids, I'm pretty good about remembering so I can't stand her constant reminders.
I just take upon myself to keep up to date on conferences, pictures, sports I don't want to depend on BM for anything. School has our email, phone number so we get newsletters, grades sent right to us.