International peeps

Mrs.Slick · April 2012

Are you getting any (or have you gotten any) negative feedback about going the international route?

We have our reasons and frankly I don't think it's anyone else's business how we choose to build our family but just wondering if I'm the only one surrounded by judgmental jerks.

Oh, and I'm looking for good websites for or ways to get reviews of agencies. We only have one that seems good so far (I'm not at home and don't have access to that right now).

SoSweet06 · April 2012

Our situation was a little different, so I can't help you with the agency side of things. A friend of mine is working with Children's Hope International and likes them, and if we would have been able to adopt from Ethiopia this time, we would have gone with Wacap.

But, regarding the negative feedback...a little. It's almost 100% from people who have no ties to adoption. People who have ties to adoption have mostly been positive, regardless of whether the ties were to domestic/international/foster care. So, I usually just internally roll my eyes because there are some people who are just never going to get it or like to voice their uninformed opinions about everything.

miss1180 · April 2012

we're adopting from Korea. we haven't gotten too many negative comments or questions yet... but then again, we still haven't told a few of our friends.

i think for us, the biggest "Questions"/ somewhat negative comments are because he's gonna be almost 2 when we get to bring him home (he's 17 months old now,, and the Korean government is changing things so its taking longer) people kind of question why we didn't "want" a younger baby... if we're worried that he'll be saying some korean words when he comes home (um- i'm a speech therapist, I have a master's degree in teaching kids to talk LOL plus,you can hardly understand what a kid says at 2 years old in ANY language!), and "Isn't it hard to watch him growing up in pictures??". The other day, I showed my grandmom the latest picture we got of him. Its of him and his foster mom. my grandmom said " And she's gonna be able to give him up??" and "Did you already send all the money in?"

i think its true- the comments come from people who don't really have any ties with adoption, and haven't ever read about it. Dh and I have been married for 7 years, and basically researching about IA since we've been married. WE picked a VERY reputable agency, the Korea program is well-established with good health care for the kids, a lot of info, etc. people don't know all of that-- they think its something we just decided to do on a whim or something. its hard, but what can you do besides educate them about it?

MommaT357 · April 2012

I don't know what country you are considering, but maybe this will help...

https://www.china-adoption-online.com/support-files/china_adoption_online_agencydetail_2011.pdf

septemberdreams · April 2012

We adopted from Russia and have never had any negative feedback. It seems like most people know someone who adopted internationally. We did have some curiosity questions, like "why Russia"? But they were purely out of curiosity from people knowing very little about adoption.

silliestbunny · April 2012

Why in the world do you want to adopt Internationally when there are so many US kids needing homes???! J/K... that is a joke

There are jerks on all sides of adoption. I had someone try and shame me for not adopting a tween aged child.... mind you this person has no children and has no desire to have children but thought if you are going to adopt, she should have a voice! Really?! I was also repulsed by people who "thanked" me for not going the IA route and helping out US orphans.... um, yuck!!

It seems like you have good sense that it's no one else's business... keep with that mind set

As for agency reviews, consider joining Adoption_Agency_Review on YG. There are also splinter groups for different countries.

Do you know what country yet?

It remains a dream of mine to do a IA (we did two DAs) but hope to have three children.... I love hearing other stories.

Mrs.Slick · April 2012

Thank you all so much for the feedback! We're leaning towards Russia as of right now but we're also looking into a few different programs.

CaptainSerious · April 2012

We get comments all the time. My response depends on the time, place, and context. If I'm in the mood to explain, I tell the person that I don't think that kids here are any more deserving of my love than children who just had the (mis)fortune to be born somewhere else. I explain that while the US has a flawed system, it's still much better than what exists for children throughout many other countries in the world. I point out that my father was born in Egypt and my mother in Germany, and while I love theUS, I see no reason to only consider adopting from within a border that was created for geopolitical reasons and has nothing to do with the people residing here or anywhere else.

If I'm not in the mood, I just might say something along the lines of, "well my kids seemed to need a family as much as we needed them, so it all just worked out fine."

But I think we both have the same favorite for when we feel particularly judged by someone who has no connection to adoption, "so how many kids have YOU adopted from foster care?" Usually, they say that they've "thought about it, but..." to which my husband has actually said, "yeah, we'll, a lot of people have. We actually adopted two older children."

Perhaps the most egregious encounter I had was when the CUSTOMS agent who was processing my paperwork at the airport when I arrived with J asked, "I'm just curious, but why do people adopt from other places when there are so many kids here?" Are you KIDDING me? We were traveling all day, and this was the last step to J entering the country and becoming an immediate citizen, and this guy wanted to have an entire conversation about the pros and cons of international adoption of an older child with medical needs!?! I was stuck talking to him for about 15 minutes while the line grew, because he was standing between us and life and citizenship in the US. I was NOT a happy camper.

jillianmb · April 2012

We are adopting from Russia and we haven't gotten any negative comments. More just people wondering how we choose Russia. We are in Michigan and working with a great agency in New Jersey. I can give you their info if you are interested! PM me (and page me so I check it!). :-)

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