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FyreFlyeRush
member
***Snow__White__Queen*** - AOP Advice
FyreFlyeRush
member
Didn't want to hijack that post anymore than necessary, but wantd others to see this.
I recommend against signing an AOP unless you're still together. If you sign it, you and the father have the same rights. That means he can take the baby and the police can't do anything about it. Also, if he fights for custody, he will have equal rights to it. If you don't fill out the paperwork, you have sole custody from birth. Your rights typically, but not always, superceed his.
Once you go to court and have paternity established that way, he can wave the DNA test, you can request the baby have his last name.
This is a personal decision, but...the court pressured me into giving DD her father's last name. He didn't have anything to do with her until she was 12. I regretted that choice and I won't be doing it again. I know a lot of other women on this board have given their babies their last name.
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Re: ***Snow__White__Queen*** - AOP Advice
I didn't have any intention of giving her his last name unless for whatever reason we got back together later (like married not just dated) but that is highly unlikely. I still have roughly 4 months to figure out what legal action needs to be taken once she is here. There are things I wanted to discuss with him such as since I will be breastfeeding, I would need sole custody for at least the first month until bottle feedings could be established.
The hospital website where I will be attending has stated that at the time the birth certificate paperwork is given to me, the AOP will be available too since both me and XBF will be there. Its only been a little over week since our split, so I am not fully educated on the process yet. I NEVER would have guessed this would have happened, but things happen and the best I can do now is prepare for mine and DD's future.
"A baby changes everything" I think is how the saying goes. Sometimes, it changes it for the worse. I was completely clueless. I had no idea how to handle anything. I was 18 at the time, so I was in an "older" teen parent child birth class for 18-20 year olds.
They had a rep from the AG come in and talked to us. If they hadn't, I'd have been completely clueless. My ex didn't come to the hospital. I'm not sure he would have been allowed on base, anyway. But, the whole AOP thing was a moot point for me. We had to do the paternity hearing. I got lucky. He didn't show up to THAT, either. So, he was made the father by default, and I was given complete sole custody as well as control of visitation.
Call and talk to the AG. They've been really helpful for me this time around. You can apply for services now and get on the waiting list. In San Antonio, it's 18-24 mos. IDK about Tarrant county.
Thank you for all of the advice! Its helped me stay sane these last couple of days.
I'm trying to not focus on the legal stuff before she is born as much as I am focusing on financial matters. My XBF made enough for both of us so I spent the day keeping the apartment tidy and babysitting his nephew (2 mo.). It was a great arrangement at the time, but now that has screwed me over.
I am currently unemployed (though i've had a few interviews recently) and have accumulated QUITE a fair amount of debt in the last year. I'm on Medicaid at the moment and considering other services, but only as a temporary fix. Believe me, I don't want to bum off the government or anything like that. I WANT to be able to provide for myself and daughter on my own.
I'm also planning on starting a culinary school in October. Its just a 1-yr certification, but that is better than only a diploma.
If anyone has any advice about this or if you have been in a similar situation, it would be helpful. I feel so clueless right now.
Don't feel bad about Medicaid. They'll actually file the paperwork for you whn your LO is born. I was on Medicaid, food stamps and govt assisted child care for nearly three years while I went to school and found a job.
Since COBRA is so much, I'll probably go back on Medicaid while I'm on leave with this baby. I make a fair amount of money, but not enough to pay for 3 months of health insurance out of pocket.
The important thing is to use it as a stepping stone and not a life style. Good luck!!