How do you start getting help?
christinbeatrice
member
Let me list what I'm feeling:
-off & on anxiousness
-OCD type mannerisms
-Guilt for not doing the silliest things (example: didn't take a picture of LO on v-day - silly I know but it makes me cry that I didn't do it.)
-Feel like I am a terrible mom
-No desire to get to the gym (I do cardio outside, but I have no desire to get there & it used to be my favorite past time)
-I feel terrible admitting this but I am just over all not enjoying this right now (I did at the start, but not was much any more - but don't get me wrong I love my little guy & I want more children, I just am not enjoying it)
I don't know where to start to get help or even if I should. MH said tonight that I'm never happy (which isn't true - I'm just a lot more critical of him since our LO has been born). Are these normal momma feelings & all will settle? I just feel so critical of my self also all the time & can't figure out how to just chill out.
Any suggestions or personal stories along the same line would be appreciated.
Re: How do you start getting help?
I think some of it is probably normal, but perhaps not to the extent you are feeling it, if that makes sense. My theory is this: If it impacts your life and you are having a hard time, then it is a problem. So since it sounds like you are having a rougher time, it is worth looking into IMO. I would probably start with your OB or PCP, they would be able to recommend someone for you to talk to. You could search someone out on your own, but if you have an OB or PCP you like/trust, I would start there for sure.
You are definitely not a terrible mom- this is just hard stuff! And it may be beyond your control. One thing that amazed me going through the post-partum stuff was how intense the hormones are. I felt crazy so often, and completely out of control. And to be honest, some of that just takes time to go away, and I think only time can help. But since you are 2 months out, and are still having trouble, I think that is where the help comes in.
After I had DD, I went through the fiercest baby blues. They went away, but then a little later, it all came back with a vengeance. I had been taking meds (I had a lot of anxiety and depression issues pre-baby too), but I needed them adjusted, and things have been a lot better. I also talk to a counselor weekly, which really helps, especially during those times when you feel like a crappy mom, my counselor is so helpful. I seriously wonder what I will do when she goes on maternity leave in a few months!
I wish you the best, and will be sending good thoughts your way. I hope you are able to get a good recommendation from one of your doctors, and get on your way to feeling better!
I would talk to your OB or PCP. If you don't have one that you like, ask your ped for a recommendation. After DS was born, I was a wreck. I would cry at sappy commercials or songs. I couldn't even think about watching a tv show about a baby. DH only got off for a couple days after DS was born, so I was by myself with this baby all the time. I of course love him, but it's hard. My cousin told me that babies scream on average 2-3 hours each day. That's normal. She told me that info wasn't to make me feel bad, but to assure me that it's ok that he cries. All I really wanted to do was go back to work. I felt like a horrible mom because of that.
Finally when DS was 8 weeks, I went to my PCP. He started me on a low dose antidepressant. I was able to find one that helped me and allowed me to breastfeed. When I went back to work, the added stress made it harder on me. I ended up increasing my medication (well the dr did). After a couple months, I weened off the medicine and am doing fine.
DS is almost a year old. He is doing great. I'm doing great. While I still feel like a bad mom sometimes (like when he's crying in his crib but I really want to finish shaivng my legs), overall things are great.
The hardest part for me was to admit that I needed help. I felt ashamed and alone. It's tough to be a mom. Sometimes we all need help. While some of your feelings will settle down, some might not. I would talk to the doctor and get an outside opinion.
THe first sign that something was off, was people noticing a more negative side of me. I am normally positive, overly so, I'm a Sagittarius. I would say, just start with some therapy, talking about your feelings. You don't have to go on meds necessarily, but I found the medication helped me get back to the "me" before baby. Now, Im off medication and trying to learn more skills through Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.
Get help now. I ended up in the ER after not sleeping for a week. I think every minute you can spend with less anxiety, more happiness, and a more "you" you, the better.
I had PPD after my first child. The only thing that I ever heard about PPD was that the mom may become suicidal and/or want to hurt or not care for her baby. I had PPD for weeks before my mom suggested that is what it might be. I didn't listen to her because I wasn't feeling suicidal and I had no ill feelings towards my baby girl. In fact, I was like you, anxious, beating myself up about not doing this or that, I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to watch TV or listen to music. I was constantly worrying about my baby (is she eating enough, is her diaper dirty, is she too hot or too cold, etc). All normal stuff I'm sure, but the extent that I was taking it to was not normal and dibilitating. I cried ALL the time and thought it was just the oh-so-talked about baby blues. The fact that my mom even suggested PPD was insulting to me.
But one night after another crying episode, I realized I really did feel very depressed and that I didn't have control over it. I couldn't just make myself stop crying and no matter what I did, I couldn't beat feeling sad/anxious. So I called my OBGYN and told him what was happening, how long it had been going on, and that I was coming to the point where it was very difficult to cope with. He was very kind and supportive and got me on some anti-depressants which I only needed to take for about 4-6 weeks before I weened myself off of them with no troubles. Every once in a blue moon, the depression will come up again, but I have noticed that it's closely tied with lack of sleep and stress. You may not even need medication, maybe look into counseling. I know a few other women who have delt with similar depression and never needed the meds.
Hope this helps! Don't be ashamed, a lot of women experience PPD and not a lot of people know the TRUTH about it, so it has a bad rep.
I have been going through very similar feelings and I talked to my OB and got referred to a pyschologist. I went for the first time last week and talked about what I was feeling and how I was acting. I am almost 6 weeks pp, but at 4 weeks I didn't feel like myself. I have a lot of guilt because my baby had IUGR, I was on bedrest, and he was delivered at 37 weeks. I felt like I had done something or not done enough that cuased him to stop growing. I know its not true but I still feel that way.
Talking with somone, not my husband, sister, friends, a complete stranger was really helpful. While I could go on medication, I discussed doing some non-pharmacological interventions. We came up with a plan for me to meet a few more times with her, for me to work out 3 times a week (not walking, but high intensity workouts like my norm), to go to a moms group every week, go to bed early and like DH take care of baby so I can get 4 hrs of straight sleep. Its been one week, and while still guilty, anxious, and sad at times, I feel more in control of my emotions and feel better this week.
IT is really hard. I am very critical of myself, I feel like I do too little with my little one but at the same time I feel like I hold him too much. Which you can't do but I have many of the same emotions. I didn't do an easter basket, and I felt guilty, when really he is 5 weeks, he doesn't care, all he cares about is eating. We are far to critical of ourselves, we need to accept we are learning and we are doing okay and our babies love us.
When I have a bad day, I go to you tube and watch the 'J&J your doing okay mom' commercial. Its really sweet, and I think it says it all. We are doing okay, one day at a time, we are not perfect, but our babies, they love us. Hang in there.
Thank you ladies! I went to the OB today & we came up with a plan. It's so wonderful to hear your stories, I'm sitting here nodding thinking "yeah that's exactly it". So it's great to know I'm not the only one.
For those that went to counseling - how did you find yours?
My doctor recommended mine and set me up with them. I would check your hospital where you delivered, call the L&D or postpartum unit and see if they have a recommendation or support group that they could refer you to. My therapist treats lots of moms with PPD/PPA so it has been nice to have someone who has experience with it.
I think the best part of seeing a therapist is to talk to a total stranger who is a professional in this matter. She has been really great at helping me understand my feelings, let me know that what I went through was scary and stressful, and help me identify abnormal thought processes and how to work to change those thoughts or stop myself from continuing to think those thoughts.
Good luck!