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Can we talk Toddler social skills & playing with others?

meechrobimeechrobi
in Success after IF

I am certain that I am being completely ridiculous, but I am wondering, so I figured I would ask. At what point do toddlers "actively" play with other children? I ask because while I dont think Liam is shy at all I find that he often chooses to play independantly vs. with other children. 

Examples:

-When we get to school, there could be multiple children sitting at a table playing with blocks and instead of going to play with them, he will run to grab a book and bring it to the teacher to read to him instead. (this happened this morning)

-Tuesday night we had a load of people at our house with kids ranging from 1 year to 6 years old. I noticed that most of the time, he just played by himself-- not really engaging with the other children. Happy, and playing, just alone.

-We were outside last week and all our neighbor kids were out and instead of playing on the lawn with all of them, he was just off playing with a ball by himself. Again, happy and having a grand ol' time, but doing it alone.

It just has me thinking and wondering. He is extremely happy and outgoing, so I am not questioning his personality, just wondering if the not actively interacting with other kids is alarming. Am I completely ridiculous? Seriously? I have a conference with his teachers next week and plan to discuss with them. I'd love to get their take on it since they are with him all day. 

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Re: Can we talk Toddler social skills & playing with others?

  • krissyh21krissyh21 member
    Liam and Dillon are the same age and Dillon tends to do his own thing right now. He is acknowledging other kids more than he used to, before he didn't even care what they were doing - but, he still prefers doing his own thing when he wants to do it.
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  • PhillySuePhillySue
    Sounds totally normal to me. My MIL is a preschool teacher and ha told me kids at this age don't really play together but do more parallel play.  Katie is a little older then your DS and she will sit and play with friends when we get to daycare (sometimes) but generally if we have friends come over with their daughter the 2 of them will just play independentally of each other.  We have new neighbors with little kids and Katie always want to go outside and play with them but as soon as we go outside she does her own thing and does not really interact with them.  So sounds like he is being completely age appropriate and I am sure slowly he will start to play more with the other kids.
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  • desabeandesabean member

    I think this is fairly normal and in most respects, probably a good thing that he can play independently.  My guess is that there are times during the day when he is more interactive and times when he is comfortable doing his own thing-- which I think is a good thing.

    Garrison doesn't go to school so, she really wants to play with other kids and sometimes it is literally heartbreaking when other kids (usually older kids) don't want to play with her.  She tries so hard to "get in on the action".  

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  • DeputiesWifeDeputiesWife

    DD will be 5 in October -- she has just recetenly started to actively play with kids on the playground.  

    Last year she'd follow and take a little bit to warm up and play

    2 years ago, she'd play by herself and be completely content.

    At our house -- she will play others -- when she sees the neighbors out, who are a bit older than her - she will, still, watch for a little while and then she follow them around. 

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  • Sara ScissorsSara Scissors

    Bennett's kind of the same and kind of the opposite of Liam, depending on the situation.  I have been thinking a lot about the same thing lately, especially since I SAH with him and he's not constantly around kids on a daily basis.  If he's on a play date with just one friend, he'll play more independently.  He'll stick more to me or just play alone with their toys (or with their dog!).  If we go to the park he's off and running.  We joke that he finds a kid to play with...whether they know it or not.  He wants nothing to do with me at the playground.  Last night he just ran and ran and ran after this group of kids for well over an hour.  Even though they were saying he was "the baby trying to get them" for a while at first, he didn't seem to notice or care.  He just wanted to be doing exactly what they were doing.  

    So in the end, I think I see both as good.  I am a very independent person and have no issues being alone, going places alone, etc.  I've always been that way.  I never understood friends of mine that still to this day can't go to the gym, shopping, etc without a friend with them.  So I like that he is independent.  But it also worries me a bit how much of a follower he is in other situations.  But I think that might just be their age/stage right now.  So no real advice (sorry!), just that I get what you're feeling and what your concerns are.  I'm positive from an Early Childhood standpoint (which I have a degree in) his teachers are going to say it's more than fine as well.  And I personally think that's a good quality to have in a person!

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  • JillRock96JillRock96 member

    It is so normal.  Obviously it depends on the child, but interactive play with other kids often doesn't kick in until 4 or even 5. 

    Ava is one of the youngest in her preschool class -- it is a mix of kids who just turned three all the way up to kids that turned four back in September.  It is so interesting to see the way the kids in the class interact.  It is easy to tell who is on the younger side just by how they play together.  Even though Ava is around her sisters all day and spends a lot of time with cousins her age, at 3 1/2 she is still very much into parallel play.  At school, she and a few other girls will often play the exact same activity *right* next to each other, but not really interact.  I do see that she is starting to engage us in more games like hide and seek and red light, green light that are more interactive.

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  • itsmevkbitsmevkb member
    My son Shannon has always been like that and still is at age 5.  We discussed it last year with his K3 teacher and again this year with his K4 teacher.  Mid-way into the school year he was playing with the other kids more but he's still pretty independent.  His teachers have suggested to us that since he is the oldest kid in his class that it's a little harder for him to relate to his classmates and for whatever reason, he also likes to be in control so if he is going to play with other kids he likes to sort of direct that play which, depending on whom he's playing with, may or may not go over well.  There are many times his teacher will tell me that he stands alone at recess not playing with the other kids but when I ask him about it he says he likes being by himself and that the kids wanted to play soccer but he wanted to play tag so he decided to just play by himself.  I guess I wish he was a little better at playing with the other kids because I worry about that as he gets older but at the same time I try not to worry about it too much since he is a happy little boy who really loves to play, even if it is just by himself.

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