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Natural Birth
Having Sibling at Birth
The more I think about it, the more I want my son to be at the birth of my second child. He will almost be 4 when #2 arrives. I will be giving birth at a hospital. I can see how this would be much easier to achieve if we were giving birth at home. I had a natural childbirth with him and will be having one with this baby as well. How would I go about doing this? Has anybody done this before? How did you prepare your other child for the process? Would you do it again?
Proud mama to two boys
Quentin born 9/11/08 & Duncan born 7/25/2012
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Having Sibling at Birth
youre first step would be to make sure your doctor and hospital are okay with this. for some reason I could see this being an issue.
You need to make sure your child will not need to be "babysat" you are going to want your DH helping you and tending to you, not keeping a 4 yr old from running a muck.
Also, you are going to want to make sure youre DS is going to be comfortable seeing you in pain. If he thinks you are hurt he is going to want you to console him, which you will most likely not be able to do while pushing
I'm sure there are some books out there that describe becoming a big brother and babies being born, I don't know any off the top of my head hopefully other posters will be able to help with that.
(fwiw I'm not trying to knock you by any means, these are just things to think about)
Definitely check hospital policy on this one. I was only allowed 2 support people to be in the L&D room with me, and no one under 18 was permitted.
If they will allow it, in addition to making sure he knows that the pain is normal, I'd try to give him a job. Make him in charge of a cool washcloth for your forehead, or making sure you have ice chips, or something like that. Anything specific so he knows his "job" and knows not to interfere with other people doing their jobs, and hopefully it will help keep him busy enough so he doesn't get bored if your labor is long.
I can't comment on the hospital part, but I would just suggest that in case you are making your decision based on how your last birth went, that you not assume it will be the same this time around.
My first labor and birth was slow and I was pretty zen the entire time... and I assumed that the second would be the same. IT.WAS.NOT.EVEN.CLOSE. I cannot stress this enough. It was fast and intense and I was literally screaming like a banshee for the last 45 minutes of the birth- saying all kinds of horrible things. I was SO grateful that my Mom was there and had taken DD to the park during that time because I know it would have scared the crap out of her...heck, I scared myself a little bit. LOL
::Lurker butting in::
DS broke my water and made a fast run for it, so we ended up taking DD (who was 2 years and 3 months old) with us to the hospital while we waited for my Dad to make the 3 hour drive to pick her up. The nurses never made a comment about her being there, though I know we did mention that she would be leaving as soon as my Dad got there. We brought along some Craisins and "Finding Nemo", and the nurses gave her chocolate milk. She did fantastic, only turning to give me the side-eye when my (very loud) moaning interrupted Nemo. I was so proud of her.
But truth be told, it was not ideal. We had no choice, but if I did, I would not have had DD there. I was in the throes of labor, and I had to work as hard as possible to stay "in control" because I really didn't want to scare DD. I really wanted to let go of my inhibitions and just scream sometimes, and I couldn't. Having to fight the pain and instincts made things a lot more difficult. If I were you, I would definitely re-think this idea.
LOL That is too cute.
DD was at DS's birth, and I plan for both of them to be at this upcoming birth.
I will say, DS was born at home, and I'm planning homebirth again, and I think that does make a big difference. I actually planned hospital birth with DS, up till 36 weeks. And one big thing that swayed me towards homebirth was that at my 34-week appointment, I took DD with me to meet my midwife, and then went over to the hospital afterwards... and she hated it. She was clearly uncomfortable, and it's not surprising, since hospitals are not exactly the funnest place for little kids
Granted, she was younger (about 2.5) -- your son might do better than she did in that type of environment. But I'd definitely suggest bringing him to some appointments and to the hospital, and seeing how he reacts.
After switching to homebirth, I didn't do a ton to prepare DD, aside from bringing her to some MW appointments so that she could get to know my MW. I didn't really have time to do anything else! She did end up being present for most of my labor with DS and it worked out beautifully. It was really special for me to have her there, and she still remembers things and talks about it.
Obviously, I would do it again, because I'm planning to do it again
DD is a little older now and I have more time to prepare, so we're doing a lot of different things:
* She comes to all my MW appointments (she LOVES them) and came to my big ultrasound and a follow-up ultrasound today
* I encourage her to ask questions of my MW at appointments, and I try to answer questions she has in between appointments as best I can
* We've watched "Labor of Love" together, which features homebirths/birth center births, and talked about what's going on. In your case, you have even more options for birth shows featuring hospital births!
* My MW loaned us Welcome With Love, which is a book where a young child is present at his mom's homebirth. It might not be a bad book for your son, even though it is about homebirth -- I doubt there are many hospital birth books that feature young kids present at the birth.
Also, I would find someone (NOT your husband) who can be in charge of caring for your son while you labor. We had two friends and my mom come over during my labor to care for DD. That way, when she got tired of watching me labor, they could take her into a different room and do something else with her. I think that's even more important in a hospital setting. You don't want to be stuck in a hospital room with a stir-crazy preschooler, nor can you let a child that age just wander the hospital on his own, obviously.
Good luck!
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)