Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: No Vbac for me :-( thanks to my old OB
I would seriously consider at least interviewing a few more OBs if possible.
I don't know anything about the extension cut, but cutting you again on the chance of a problem seems like there has to be another way, and I call BS on the small pelvis thing. Women are told this ALL THE TIME but the truth is we were MADE to make babies. It is so freakin rare that that is actually the problem. Especially since your first LO was sunny side up OP, that right there is enough to make it pretty much impossible to push a baby out, because the head isn't pushing down in the right way to make progress.
Just my two cents, but if there is another doctor that could support your VBAC, it is worth finding out. There are certainly good reasons for a RCS, but there are also a lot of doctors who just prefer RCSs even if they initially say otherwise.
Honestly, your new provider doesn't sound very VBAC friendly. If her only concern was the extension cut, then maybe I'd see it as a realistic concern. But, if she's talking about your pelvis being too small, that raises all sorts of red flags. Positioning is everything and an OP baby can mean the difference between success and a c-section.
Any chance you could get a second opinion? My new provider didn't even request my OP report.
Can you somehow get a hold of your old OB? I would interview other providers, too, and see what they have to say about the lack of details.
My first son was OP, I pushed for 4+ hours, and I ended up with a c/s for FTP also. I had a VBAC with my second, who was 2+ lbs and inches bigger than his brother.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I was thinking about calling my old OB and talking to someone about it. My New OB also said yesterday that with the "fail to progress" and " because my uterus is out of my pelvis she thinks my hips are narrow.
There's a decent amount of women on here who had FTP or babies who were OP for our first c/s, and even some who were diagnosed with CPD (i.e. their pelvis was "too small" for vaginal birth). A lot of us went on to have successful VBACs the next time around.
Having a baby in a wonky position is a pretty common factor for c/s, and definitely doesn't necessarily mean your pelvis or hips are too small.
Even ACOG's revised statement on VBAC said that women with an unknown type of scar are still eligible to attempt VBAC (see here: https://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/are-you-an-"ideal"-candidate-for-vbac-what-are-your-choices-if-not/): "A subsequent Practice Bulletin from the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists states that none of the following factors, in and of itself, indicates that a woman is a poor candidate for VBAC:
...unknown prior scar, unless there is a high suspicion that the prior scar is a classical incision."
Call and ask to speak to your old OB, and tell them you need more details. It can't hurt to ask! And then see what the new OB has to say, but don't be surprised if she doesn't want to support your plans. I really think the most important factor in VBAC success is having a truly supportive provider. Good luck!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Honestly your new OB seems to be grasping at any an all excuses to prevent a VBAC. An extension cut doesn't automatically mean anything, especially if neither you not your current OB know where it was. The FTP thing is BS. Bad positioning can keep baby from coming down to apply pressure to the cervix and complete dilation and allow delivery. There's so much you can do if you want to - new provider, chiro care to help with positioning, calling your old OB and finding out why the OR report sucks. GL with whatever you decide.
I agree that the problem sounds like it's with your new OB, not your old one. A diagnosis of "small pelvis" is BS the vast majority of the time. And what is she basing this on, exactly? Having an OP baby is a common cause for what you're describing- I had it with my first, pushed for three hours, made no progress whatsoever. I just had a vbac with a short two-hour labour from first contraction to baby in arms (with a bigger baby, too). Clearly my pelvis can fit a baby just fine, but my first son couldn't find his way out due to his positioning.
I'd keep looking for a new OB/midwife. I think your new OB is feeding you false information.
The small pelvis Issue came up yesterday when she measured me. She said something about my uterus be out of my pelvis to much?? My uterus is measuring 1 month bigger? Not my baby just my uterus. I am very confused. As I am not a doctor...
Again, I think that's probably misinformation. My measurements were considerably off early in both my pregnancies. At one point with my vbac baby I measured six weeks ahead. I know plenty of women who measured large at various points in their pregnancies and went on to have uneventful deliveries. I really think your new OB is trying hard to railroad you into an rcs.
Ditto annabelle. Your uterus being out of your pelvis as a reason or indication for RCS is one I've honestly never heard before but again, you need to decide if it's important enough for you to do your own research and find someone who can help you understand what your individual risks really are. If you're ok with a RCS and you don't want to find a new OB that's fine, really every woman should feel comfortable birthing the way you want. But your OP made it sound like you didn't want a RCS - so we're all trying to help here. The overwhelming consensus you're hearing from women who want or have had a VBAC is your current OB is full of it. Only you know that for sure but here's some easy reading on why he/she is incorrect in their assumptions:
https://vbacfacts.com/quick-facts/
Of specific interest to you - "having an unknown or low vertical scar...should not prevent a woman from planning a VBAC." (ACOG 2010) Also,