What Do You Say to Your Stupid Family. . .

Marsee · April 2012

When they give your LO food that they shouldn't have?

I JUST started DS on solids 2 weeks ago (yeah, we're in no rush here). We're doing BLW and he's had avocado, zucchini, celery, carrots and green peppers. At Easter this weekend, my BIL's gf gave him a piece of celery with a BIG glob of ranch on the end of it and basically shoved it in his mouth. I was really upset about this. We've been only giving him organic food (even his formula is organic) and he has had no spices yet. There's also a sh!t ton of MSG in ranch so I was really not happy. I tried to explain that we're trying to introduce foods slowly to avoid allergies and that I didn't want to expose DS to spices and MSG yet, but she really didn't get it. She apologized, but it was pretty hollow. Oh, and she was upset when we were outside and I asked her to move so her cigarette smoke wasn't blowing directly into DS' face. Then, while I was out of the room for two minutes, FIL coated his finger with a different salad dressing and shoved it in DS' mouth.

DH has told me in the past that I can come across as a b!tch without knowing it and that I should work on how I say things. In the past, I would worry about how I was perceived, but now I don't really care. I don't want these people shoving whatever they want down DS' throat.

It's only going to get worse from here. I'll be fighting to keep candy and other junk food from hitting my son's stomach from here on out with these people. How should I tell them to knock it off? My current method of telling them about research and good health practices isn't cutting it. Thanks, ladies.

danienross · April 2012

I learned pretty quick that my super stubborn family members care nothing about research and have even tried to use it against me later. Just keep it simple. Say "don't feed my child without asking me first. He's just starting solids and I want to know what he's eating in case he has an allergic reaction or gets sick." I find if you open yourself up to a debate it will never end. At least not with some of my unsupportive family. My dad has been badgering me about weaning since DD was 7mos old. He's a huge jerk about it and it sucks. I should have put my foot down from the beginning but thought maybe if he knew how good BFing is he'd leave me alone. Yeah not going to make that mistake again. You may sound like a B**** to them but that's just a risk you have to take sometimes when people refuse to respect your parenting.

TiffanyBerry · April 2012

Skip the research and the rest.

Simply say "We are the parents. Whether you think I'm being a *** about it or not, we get to choose what he has, when he has it, and how he has it. Don't feed him without our permission. Period."

If they keep doing it, you clearly can't have him around them until he's old enough to say no himself. It's not so much that it's a food issue as a respect issue.

missisue · April 2012

For the sake of keeping peace and not making a mountain out of a molehill, I just lie and blame everything on her doctor. Something like "Our doctor specifically told us not to feed her (insert junk food here)." My family doesn't try to feed her directly, though, so I have less of a confrontational issue than you do. They just say things like, "Oh, it won't hurt her to have cake/cookies/pudding/etc." and I give them the doctor line.

LaylaPartDeux · April 2012

missisue:
For the sake of keeping peace and not making a mountain out of a molehill, I just lie and blame everything on her doctor. Something like "Our doctor specifically told us not to feed her (insert junk food here)." My family doesn't try to feed her directly, though, so I have less of a confrontational issue than you do. They just say things like, "Oh, it won't hurt her to have cake/cookies/pudding/etc." and I give them the doctor line.

We get this one all.the.time. DS doesn't get junk food--even now (he's nearing 2 1/2 years). We feel like he doesn't know what he's missing & he LOVES healthy foods (zucchini is one of his favorite foods ever...why would I mess with that?!).

With us, it depends on the person we're dealing with. Some people are ok with "we're choosing not to give him that at this time, so please don't give him any of that" while others need a firmer response ("My kid, my rules. Don't give him [insert food here]. If you cannot respect that, you won't be around him.").

ScoutandRice · April 2012

danienross:
Say "don't feed my child without asking me first. He's just starting solids and I want to know what he's eating in case he has an allergic reaction or gets sick."

Yep, this is what I would say too. Make it clear that from now on he is not to be fed by anyone but you or your partner. It sounds like they are just being enthusiastic about feeding him now that he's on solids.

Jena503 · April 2012

And just where is your DH in all this?

You tell your DH to man-up and speak to HIS family. And when he lays down the law to his family, he better make ddang sure that he doesn't blame it on you, his b!tch of a wife, because that would be a very very easy and tempting cop-out. He needs to tell them THIS is how it is. This is how WE are doing it. It's not the 70s anymore, we don't feed babies crap like that.

Until they see that your DH is on the same page as you and that you are both serious about it, they will continue to bulldoze over you.

Marsee · April 2012

Thanks, ladies. I have absolutely no problem saying these things. However, I found out when DS was born that DH's family has a problem with my being upfront and honest. MIL took it personally when I went to BF DS instead of letting her give him a bottle. It seems that now everything I say is a personal slight the them. Oh, well. Not my problem.

Jena503:
And just where is your DH in all this?

You tell your DH to man-up and speak to HIS family. And when he lays down the law to his family, he better make ddang sure that he doesn't blame it on you, his b!tch of a wife, because that would be a very very easy and tempting cop-out. He needs to tell them THIS is how it is. This is how WE are doing it. It's not the 70s anymore, we don't feed babies crap like that.

Until they see that your DH is on the same page as you and that you are both serious about it, they will continue to bulldoze over you.

Unfortunately, these incidents happened when DH wasn't around (in another room, etc.). He found out about it second-hand and was upset, but by the time he could have said something, I had already said my piece to the offender.

In BIL gf's defense, she is brand new to the family and doesn't know that DH and I are major "health nuts". It's still rude, IMO, to give a baby food without asking the parents first. Oh, and I forgot to mention that DS was up at 4, 5 and 6 am with severe stomach pain because of the ranch dressing. I really wish I had her number so I could've called her when he was screaming. She just kept saying "I always gave my baby brothers ranch and they LOVED it. . ."

redheadinlove · April 2012

People know what to expect from me, so I'm good with "We're the parents, whatever our reasons, what we say goes. Don't feed my kid without my permission"

redheadinlove · April 2012

Jena503:
And just where is your DH in all this?

You tell your DH to man-up and speak to HIS family. And when he lays down the law to his family, he better make ddang sure that he doesn't blame it on you, his b!tch of a wife, because that would be a very very easy and tempting cop-out. He needs to tell them THIS is how it is. This is how WE are doing it. It's not the 70s anymore, we don't feed babies crap like that.

Until they see that your DH is on the same page as you and that you are both serious about it, they will continue to bulldoze over you.

Definitely this too

admico821 · April 2012

This is very annoying and I would be very mad! I try to make it clear to everyone that no one can feed LO anything except me, if its mean oh well its my baby.

KelliLynee · April 2012

I say skip the research aspect too. Fact is, I wouldn't want the ranch on my kids veggies (especially that young, but even still at almost 3) because I don't want them to need a glob of fatty dip to be able to enjoy a vegetable. I'm with others in that your main reasoning though, should be that you are the parent and you get to decide. Cut them a bit of slack occasionally if it isn't something quite as nasty as shoving a fingerful of dressing in your baby's mouth. Remember that in the long run, (when baby is older), a cookie from grandpa occasionally is a special treat for both of them. Good luck. I TOTALLY feel for you.

Want a personalized experience?

What Do You Say to Your Stupid Family. . .

Re: What Do You Say to Your Stupid Family. . .

Choose Another Board

Search Boards